Joint party?

[FrazzledMum2]

Hi all

It’s my daughter’s fifth birthday in April. This will be the first year we do a big whole class party. Her (current!) best friend’s birthday is two days after my daughters and her mum has suggested doing a joint party for them both - I’m guessing in a hall or something.

Im happy to do this and it makes sense (will stop party overlap!) but AIBU to think that the guests might get confused or annoyed at having to buy two gifts for one party? What happens to the people we invite that don’t know the other little girl? Does she not get gifts from them?

Daughter is our oldest so all new to the whole class party etiquette!

AIBU
yes = it isn’t an issue
no = this would be an annoying party invite!

Nothing wrong with a joint party. If it were classmates of my child, I’d send 2 presents. If my child only knew one of the children I’d send a present for them and a card and token gift for the other.

Just eta - I’d not be pissed off about sending 2 gifts, if it’s likely my child would have been invited to two separate parties I’d have been buying 2 separate gifts anyway. At least this way it’s one party to give time up for, rather than 2!

It’s totally normal; I’ve done loads of them. Parents don’t get annoyed. It’s better for them, as that’s another weekend saved without a party. Usually they bring 2 gifts, one per child. I always set up a table split into two piles (one per child; each child usually had a couple of individual external friends they invited. Those children obviously only brought a gift for the child inviting them).

As comparison is the thief of joy, as party is going on, I bag up the gifts to transfer to the car, just in case one child receives larger pile or parcels than the other!

Work out cost per child and do a split according to how many extras from outside school each child invited.

Set up a WhatsApp chat; makes it easier to car pool, ask questions about gifts etc. Task a good mum friend from the class to ask on the chat what sort of stuff your child is into, or would they prefer cash?

We went to a friends sons joint birthday and we didn't know the other lad. We just gave the other boy a small token gift and card. The other mum was quite surprised when we handed it to them so I don't think it was expected. It was mainly school friends so my son (who is a couple of years younger) didn't know anyone but he had a great time

We did a joint 6th party a while ago and it was fine. There are quite a few joint ones in my DC's school. I usually get the same present x2 because I lack imagination but it's easy enough. I'm always pleased to go to a joint do because it means I only have to go to one party. There's been a lot of parties recently and while I'm pleased DC has been invited to so many, it gets a bit dull for me eventually. 😅

My DC liked having a joint party with their friend because it meant that they could share the spotlight. They're both a bit shy but had no issues welcoming guests and "hosting" together.

Oh, and liaise on cake strategy. I love baking cakes, and go to town a bit. I’ve done parties with other parents who’ve been happy with shop bought (nothing wrong with that). I usually tone down my cakes if that’s the case, and save fancier ones for when I hosted single parties. Don’t share the cake between the 2 kids; each kid gets their own cake to blow out the candles, brought out at the same time.

Joint parties are great and save so much hassle, we will be having our 2nd joint party this year, will split costs and organising between 2 families.. if there are any external friends we would expect a gift just for the child they knew.

I don't agree with buying for both kids, just buy for the kid you know

Joint all class parties are common here and I think parents only see them as a plus! Each child gets a present (unless there's someone who has been invited that isn't part of the class)

Yep, agree. Only one host will be paying for the outside school invitees (unless a joint friend), so no need to bring gift for other child.

Joint parties are not an issue. I would go for it and enjoy. Lots of kids have joint parties when they are primary aged - friends or siblings with similar birthdays, twins…
Don’t overthink it and enjoy

People will buy for the child they know.

I think a joint party for two is totally fine, and I wouldn’t begrudge buying two gifts if my child knew both of the children. I would, however, make sure each child had their own cake with their own preferred theme. Blowing out candles together doesn’t work.

Joint parties are fine. I'd buy a card and present for the kid that my child knew.

At my kids school if there’s a joint party the parents usually write on the invite ‘if you want to bring a gift please just bring one for x’ and do have the invited for each child.

I think it's fine. And if you were planning to have them on the same weekend anyway, people will be very grateful to only have one party to attend. People will sort themselves out for gifts. If they know both children, they'll buy for both. If they only know one, they'll buy for that one only.

We once went to a joint party for 5 (!!) and I think one was a set of twins. We only knew one of the children (a friend from NCT group), so we only brought a present for her.

Joint parties are totally normal at that age, nothing to worry about. Parents won’t be annoyed at two gifts as they’d be buying two gifts if there were separate parties, and their child would receive two gifts - one each from both of the birthday children - if they were invited to their own child’s party.

Have you agreed on inviting other children outside of the class though, eg family friends? That might be something to check, but in this instance also totally normal to just buy for the child you know.

When I done a joint party we gave out joiny party bag gifts, think was a skipping rope/ball/whoopee cushion/ each, bubble wand, bag of sweets a chocolate freddo and cake and we just split the cost 50/50 as 1 or 2 extra people won't make no difference. Agree with above poster we also had separate tables with cards and gifts and checked names and loaded straight into the car.

I agree joint parties are normal and the gift situation is fine but just to be clear, the two children are in the same class aren’t they?

It's completely normal to have shared parties, especially at a younger age. I'm trying to remember what we did when DS shared a party aged 6 or so -- I think we may have just said, along with the other child's parents, in the invitation, to stick a fiver in a card because two presents were a bit much at one go. In fairness, the general culture in that school was for pretty modest presents.

My kids were invited to their cousin's joint party. The invite had a note at the bottom saying "X and Y are sharing a party but don't both expect presents from everyone. If yoy want to givea gift please just buy for the person you know"
It was a properly printed invite so both families had obviously agreed to the message. It saved any confusion. Just be upfront and no-one will be offended.. (The actual message was maybe worded better, I can't remember exactly)

My son started reception in September. His first whole class party came from two girls in his class. As he was invited by both girls, they each got a gift from us. Each girl also invited their own family members who just bought a present for them. It was a soft play party and each girl had a table set up for presents so things were kept separate. I don't think it'll be an issue and meant parents could spilt the cost of the party so worked out a lot cheaper for them.

We had one invite that was from four boys, inviting the whole class. The invite said to just bring one gift and they would divvy them up between the boys. As well as cutting costs for everyone, you didn't have to worry about whether they already had whatever you got, as it was unlikely all four did. I guess it worked out at about six presents each, and frankly, do they need more?