Quick version
How often does your partners parents babysit baby/child or how often do they visit you! If they haven’t seen her in a week. They will appear randomly and make digs!
long story version
I’ve posted before how I don’t really have a relationship with boyfriends mother. (I had really hoped for it and to have someone that I could turn to as never had many friendships - that must scream alarm bells on my end but at school I was bullied and since struggled at young age to find out I have Autism which explained so much) In dating when I tried to get to know her it just didn’t happen. I’d constantly question why and why i’m not good enough, Me and my boyfriend were together 4 years then had baby but in this time the relationship still never formed with his mother. Just hardly knew each other. When I found out I was pregnant I thought I’d get to know her more…I never heard from her at all but she would pass on message as she would speak to her son everyday or visit when I was back home visiting family.
these reasons
She didn’t visit when I was pregnant but would come up to his when I was visiting family back home. I had two pregnancy scares but nothing from her.
She turned down dinner invitation when I was through. She said she had the other grandkids which might have been but when I wasn’t there she could make time as was only 5ish mins away. This was my hope of trying to get to know her or to see if she would come when it wasn’t just her son to have with all of us
My mother spoke to me and baby through pregnancy, even though she wasn’t born yet! It was still every stage which makes me feel why didn’t she? And that attitude changes when baby arrived
After the birth she never really asked me how I was or how I was feeling and the same after moving to be with her son away from my family. Along with scares. She did though comment on the way baby was dressed as a new mum I will forever remember as it made me feel bad. Going in car journey I had baby in a vest, sleepsuit and mittens but she was worried over her feet and said I should have had socks on baby too and how cold she would have been! This was their car so feel like they could have turned heating on and said at time!
She offered to babysit in early days right away wanting to take baby to her house, I felt this would give me a rest but instead I still worried. It became everyday asking to look after her a few hours. I started to say no we’re fine. As often partner was just coming to collect baby in car seat and just uttering hi bye
She would often give baby a bottle of formula before coming back to me as I was combo feeding but she was never keen on breastfeeding!
Recently gave baby calpol when she was at hers, I guess if baby is in pain but she had told her son it was for teething yet my daughter has always been fine daytime with teething. But I also think my worry was what if I had gave her beforehand (not that I did) but she never even asked on this!
My thing is I have a mum who lives few hours away although her physical health isn’t good shes always been someone that helps me and is there for us (me and baby not just baby) I miss that being away as have no one like friends or family here. I’m feeling even more isolated because if I send baby to her to get some me time I just feel they don’t bother. Which sounds bad! I know with our daughter his mum is constantly buying gifts for her food, nappies, toys though she will also say to make sure baby is warm and to cut nails make sure to give her teething stuff etc (obvious things but constant reminders or things) so the effort is there on her for grand daughter but at same time its like she wants to relive being a mum to a baby again! She is perfect!
I feel like saying no more often when they ask but then I will get digs about how little they see her and they’ll come up so I’ll have to deal with awkwardness of little convo and partner was saying I should send at least once a week he sees nothing wrong! Is it even normal for grandparents to want to have them at their house? Its more convenient to them
I don’t want to stop her seeing grandparents completely as no that’s unreasonable but i think its the sending away :// and guilt digs.
ideally it’s greatful to have grandparents wanting to spend time but what when they make you feel like :(