Teenager out of control

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Hi,

I'm looking for some advice and support but please if haven't anything nice to say please don't comment as I'm going through enough anxiety and emotional time as it is

I'm just looking for someone to talk to who has either been through it or be supportive as I have no family around me my closest person to me was my dad who sadly past away

My son is 17yrs old and suffers with severe mental health. he has been diagnosed with anxiety,OCD, ADHD and psychosis. He is medicated.

He’s assulted me, if things aren’t going his way he kicks off,

The latest is he was involved in something an my property ended up getting smashed up. he doesn’t care about his actions going to police interviews court just doesn't phase him.
I’ve had him live in different places due to charges

I’ve now had a phone call to say I might be getting evicted
I feel I’m failing as a mum I can’t go out
Police constantly at my door,phone calls when he’s out my aniexty is rife cause I don’t know what he’s going to bring to my door or whether he will end up in a cell

I don’t condone his behaviour but I’m scared of his outbursts.

Op that sounds incredibly difficult. If it's at the point where you're going to end up homeless could you look at support from social services and supported accommodation for young people? I wouldn't advise kicking a 17 year old out with no support but somewhere that offers targeted support, his own flat and the understanding that he'll make mistakes and then have the consequences within his own flat can be really helpful for some young people. Sometimes a bit of space can do wonders for your relationship with them too? What support does he and you have in place at the minute? Has there been any family mediation or respite offered? Does he manage his medication and take it the way its prescribed?

OP I really feel for you.
I would definitely contact social services and ask for support. Maybe he can move into supported accommodation and you can meet up with him at a local cafe or something. He’s old enough for you to tell him that his behaviour means he can’t be at your home.
Move and don’t tell him where.
Hopefully with support he can reach mental stability and you can rebuild a relationship but right now you need to protect yourself.

@Lavender14 I have contacted social services today. And Youth offenders. Social care will be in contact tomorrow. It's really hard and I understand what you are saying about kicking him out with no support. I wouldn't do that I just feel like a failure. It's got to the point now where my mental health is suffering and I feel there is not much more I can do. I don't want him to feel like I am giving up on him. However there is no remorse in any of his actions. He does take his medicine correct.

@Duckingfun I totally agree it's just so hard as he is my son my only child. But he is so volatile I am constantly on egg shells. There is no reasoning with him. I just hope social care can help and support the both of us. I

I'm sorry OP. I'm afraid I have no practical advice, but wish you all the best for a solution soon. I hope social services can help you and your son.

@gardenfoundry thank you so much for your comments it's making me feel not alone. I lay here at night thinking when's my door going to be kicked off again, when is he going to kick off again? My lives 300 miles away and suggested to come on here. As she uses this app quite a lot and it helps her she said you guys might be able to give advice and share experiences. Thank you

So sorry for your situation op. The first thing is you are not a failure as a mother. I hear so much about youth, particular boys and young men, going off the rails in some way somewhere between ages 15 and 20. It is awful that you are dealing with this alone. I wish I had some answers. My own DD and sil have had a roller coaster of a year with dgs coming up to 19. We are all hanging in there, encouraging the small improvements we see but it's an up and down road, though not quite as difficult as yours
I wish I had some wise advice or helpful solutions to offer you. I would only say that you must put your own safety first, difficult as that is. Take all the help from any agency available and if it means your son moving out so be it, but hopefully in a managed supportive way. 💐

My son has thankfully improved massively but when he was younger he was volatile. Threatened to kill me, stabbed me, bit me, spat at me, called me a whore. I ended up contacting social services and told them I was going to kill myself and they had to come and get him. They ignored my emails and calls. Few years later I’ve finally got help and support with him in a different county. It’s so difficult and you haven’t failed, if anything it’s the professionals that should support and help you both that have failed you.

I think your doing absolutely amazing
Considering the situation

You need to make sure you do this safely with the right support,

The fact he's bringing the trouble to your house an things he has done must be hard for you as a parent an for any parent to go through

I hope you get the help and support you need

Friends an family or other people don't understand if they haven't been through it an makes you question uourself you cannot control his behaviour outside of the home..

Take care of your self an take time for you ❤️

We are all here for you even if it's a rant! Xx

I really feel for you. Is it your sister or someone else who lives 300 miles away? I would be very tempted to pack my bags and go. I just don't know what happens to boys in situations like this but it sounds as though he's going to end up in prison, doesn't it? I would feel safer with him there. It's clear he can't live with you because he's so violent towards you. It sounds as though his medications need a thorough overhaul. God knows how you get that to happen though.

I'm so sorry for you. I hope you are able to get through this and he improves soon.

It may be past this but has he got the basics sorted most of the time, and if not is there anyway of supporting him to get them:

• enough and regular sleep

-healthy and regular food and drink

• regular energetic exercise
• social time with supportive friends or family
• relaxed time with you
• some achievable life goals to work towards

It such easier to control rage and moods etc if well slept, eaten, exercised and have a feeling of connection. Sports and the peer network they provide are invaluable- do you think there are any that he would consider?

You're not a failure op, everyone does the best they can as a parent with the information, resources and experience they have available to them. Noone is perfect and noone is guaranteed that they won't go through similar because sometimes the root cause is something external to your parenting.

A social worker should be able to coordinate support for both you and your son. If he's been abusive towards you, you can access support from parenting services and helplines. (I'm not sure where you're based to give you specifics). Womens aid may also be an option for support. A floating support worker for your son would be a good option and maybe trying to link him in with a local youth worker? Sometimes they need someone else to tell them what you've already been telling them for it to feel like it's their idea.

Morning thank you for all your advice and support.
So social services were not of much help. As my son is turning 18 working 8 weeks
I mentioned moving him into accommodation some sort of sheltered housing with some support and therapy too, however they didn't really have much advice or information.

OP you’re not alone and you’re not a failure. Look up Newbold Hope on Facebook for peer support on child to parent violence. What you’re going through is not your fault and so incredibly hard. X

How are you doing? I hope you and your son got some help and are able to live a more peaceful life.