DS Christmas Money

[PurplePurplePurpleS]

DS had a fair bit of money for Christmas and DH took him to a toy shop earlier to have a look and buy a few things. He came home with a huge bag of toys/plushies and he had spent the lot! (£110) When he walked in I was surprised that all his money had gone in one go thinking he was going to pick up a couple of things. I was surprised but not angry. DH responded with something along the lines of “see I told you she would give me shit/grief for this” I wasn’t giving anyone grief but I was then turned into the bad guy. DS did spend £60 of his Christmas money last week on more plushies( he collects rare ones)

AIBU to be surprised it had all gone in one go or it’s his own money - he should spend it as he chooses? He is 12.

It’s your DS’s money. A lot of 12 year olds would have spent it on vapes.

Pick your battles.

He can spend it how he wants if you’d discussed spending it in one go, but your DH shouldn’t have spoken about you like that to him before or then.

It's hard when you see it "wasted" on stuff that you can't see the value in, especially if five minutes later they are going to ask you to pay for some other stuff they want but so long as you hold firm on that, he goes without the next thing he wants because he's already spent his money, then at 12 I think he's old enough to learn the lesson.

You should have put it away, if you didn't want him to spend it all.

As above. Many of the 12 year olds I work with would have spent that on weed and vapes. It's his money and harmless things hes buying.

It’s his money, and I assume those who gave it to him wanted him to buy something he likes with it?

DS is not unreasonable to spend as he likes, you are not unreasonable to be surprised that 170 has gone on toys within the space of a week.

DH is rude and unreasonable for his comment about you giving him shit.

If you and DH disagree on something it’s completely unreasonable to start dragging a 12 year old into it. I’d be furious about the “see I told you” comment - I would never criticise my DH to my child, and he wouldn’t criticise me. But I also suspect your “surprise” did also contain an element of criticism too.

I’d let a twelve year old spend his money on what he wants so long as it’s legal - it’s his money and if he later regrets it or feels he missed out on something else he later wants then that’s a good lesson for him to learn. It’s rare plush toys (that probably have resale value), at least it’s not coins or gems or whatever in the latest video game. Or indeed vapes.

Mine are allowed to spend it on whatever they want, age appropriate/have space for it. My DS 11 also collects squishmallows so thats where most of his has went. Since they got a hypejar account they do save more as like to see balance rise

It depends what his history is like. If he has previous for wasting money and then nagging for things he wants then I'd be cross. If he'll just accept that his money is gone and he can't have anything else now then I wouldn't worry. I'd have a major issue with my DH speaking like that about me though.

Does your DS have savings? On the one hand I think as it’s his money DS should spend it as he wishes. On the other hand, as a parent, you’d think your DH would have encouraged him to save some of his money and/or not be frivolous with it. Spending it all on multiple things only a week after having spent £60 sounds like a waste to me.

In my house we have one child who loves to save and another who loves to spend. We try to pace the child who likes to spend and don’t Always agree to take her shopping when she wants. My saver child gave the spender some advice recently as she wanted to be better at saving. It was cute!

It’s his money and up to him how he spends it. And if in a few weeks he suddenly realises he desperately wants a new ‘X’ and could’ve bought it with that money, it’ll be a lesson learnt. Sometimes the only way to learn about budgeting/impulse buying is to blow all your cash at once or buy something silly when you’re young.

When I was a similar age I became obsessed with this giant (maybe 3ft long?) pig soft toy I saw in a card shop. I ended up spending all my saved pocket/Xmas money on it, much to my parents’ confusion. I loved it! It was great! Yes in a few months I wish I’d spent it on clothes in Tammy Girl instead but what can you do 😄

Where most of his has went?

Are you a Geordie? 😁

I would have gone nuts at this, My 10 and 15 year olds got approx £200 Christmas money and I put £150 of it in their banks for them otherwise they would just spend it on junk/sweets.

I’d have been raging too. At 12 he should be starting to learn the value of money. No 12 year old should be spending £170 on cuddly toys. Open a bank account for him and encourage him to start to save a percentage of his birthday or Christmas money. Good money behaviours start early.
And rare squishmallows are just the new rare beany bear things from years ago.

I think you have to set the expectations a lot younger than that.

I have always put birthday / Christmas money in a savings account for my dc. They (obviously) get the money at a time when they have also have treats in the form of presents as well as the cash, from other people.

Yes, it is their money, so if they want something, later in the year, then we'd have a conversation about it, and get out the money to buy something that actually want.
that is ver different from giving a child a handful of cash and encouraging them to go and find things they can buy with it. That's not an attitude to, or understanding of money I'd want to develop in my dc.

As for the way your dh spoke about you to your child - I think you've got bigger issues than your dc wasting the money.

I think that's a lot to spend on plushies & at 12 I don't think there's much longer he will be interested in them.

DS is good at saving up for stuff & has in the past put amounts like that towards trampoline, scooter, bike, Xbox. So something of value. But then we can't afford huge gifts ourselves.

So I would think putting towards one bigger item would be a better use of that amount.

Similar here. DD's uncle gave her £100 as a joint Xmas/Birthday present. DH took her shopping and it was spent in one afternoon at Smyth's Toys and Claire's Accessories. It's all just plastic "junk" that will be in landfill in a few years time. I have to bite my tongue as I would prefer her to save half of it, but it's a gift that DUncle intended to be spent. With Xmas and a Birthday early in the calendar year she already has (to my mind) too much stuff.

This^ 100%

The fact that your DH knew he was going to get grief is telling.

Thank you for all your replies. Yes I’m definitely grateful that he’s not spending his Christmas money on vapes or weed! It’s very cute things that he wants and he’s big into collecting. I was shocked that it all went in one go but luckily an amount was put aside to be paid into his bank.

I did have an issue with how DH spoke to DS about me. He does this a lot unfortunately, such as “do your homework or your Mother will give me shit” or “clean your teeth or your Mother will scream at me again” etc.

It sounds like the issue is between you and your DH, and respect both ways.

Why does your husband like to paint you into a monster to your child?

Does he get a thrill? Does it make him feel good? Ask him next time then I’m sure he will shut up