TLDR: I left church last year because after 8 years of struggling and therapy, going was still giving me flashbacks and nightmares of my abusive exH. He held various leadership positions that he used to bully me so the memories of him are very closely linked to church. I told the local leader why I was leaving and asked that I be left alone so I could heal. The DC (now 13 and 11) weren't bothered and it had been a struggle to get them to go anyway.
Soon after this, exH moved back to the area. He'd spent the past 7 years living in various places hundreds of miles away so this was very difficult for me. I now look over my shoulder every time I leave the house and he will sometimes turn up randomly at the DC's activities or at our home. He has the DC one day per fortnight, which falls on a Sunday. This means he takes them to church.
They've now started asking to go to the youth club held on a weekday evening. I've taken them and they've enjoyed it. However, going back to that building is really upsetting me, as is what feels like a bombardment of contact with the youth leaders. I've had three separate people call and message me about this evening's activity. I've had months of nightmares since he moved back and after all the contact from church today I can hardly breathe and am welling up with tears.
I just want to be left alone but I don't want the DC to miss out. WIBU to tell the youth leaders to communicate directly with exH and leave him to sort out the logistics? DH liaises with exH so I don't have to deal with him directly. If exH won't organise it then I'm going to have to say they can't go.