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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I’ve done nothing wrong here?

15 replies

TeaPlease7859 · 23/01/2024 16:32

I’ve been dating someone for around 3 months now, same sex relationship, very early days. We live slightly long distance so mainly communicate via phone, which is fine for both of us as we’ve had experience with long distance relationships before.

I’ve been getting quite a lot of headaches recently and I’m pretty sure it’s because of how much screen time I have throughout the day on various different devices. Anyway, I text her and said that I was having a few hours off my phone and I would text her later on that night to catch up on our day and check in and the reason why (she knows about it all anyway and what’s been happening).

She text back saying not to worry and we can do that the next day instead, so I took that as just relax this evening and we can catch up tomorrow and said okay great, have a good rest of your day and speak soon etc. It turns out that I should have had some psychic ability and insisted that I speak to her that evening to show her I want to speak to her… she wanted me to reply something along the lines of ‘no don’t be silly, of course I want to speak to you, I’ll message you later like I said’… and now she’s annoyed.

AIBU to think I done nothing wrong here and that there’s a slight hint of game playing and attention seeking on her part?

My defence was I’m 30 years old, if someone tells me to message them tomorrow then that’s what I’m going to do, I’m not going to play games of chasing someone!

OP posts:
regenerate · 23/01/2024 16:34

This sounds pretty ghastly to me

You are grown assed adults and this reads like year 10 shenanigans

EvilElsa · 23/01/2024 16:35

YANBU at all. I couldn't be arsed with the game playing -it's ridiculous and juvenile. Would put me right off!!

regenerate · 23/01/2024 16:35

in the 3months, how many times have you met in person?

TeaPlease7859 · 23/01/2024 16:35

@regenerate we meet up every other weekend at the moment!

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 23/01/2024 16:35

Sounds like a game to me. I couldn't be doing with all that nonsense. It may sound a bit dramatic, but at only three months in I'd be reconsidering the relationship. You're not committed yet, and it's very likely a sign of what's to come. Not say I'd end things immediately, but I'd be wanting to have a fairly serious chat about it.

Desecratedcoconut · 23/01/2024 16:36

All of this for being out of contact for a few hours? Bloody hell, rather you than me

TeaPlease7859 · 23/01/2024 16:36

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine yeah I told her that I thought it was game playing and immature and she said she wouldn’t do it again… but realistically I think when someone does something like that it tends to be how they are as a person and a sign of things to come…

OP posts:
CatamaranViper · 23/01/2024 16:37

Nah that's too much.

Sure in the early stages of relationships people tend to want to speak every day and show that they're keen, but you had a genuine reason to not speak that day. You needed a day off screens and that's absolutely fine. If she can't cope without speaking with you for one day, then I'd worry about her expectations going forward.

Also, the fact that she doesn't say what she really means is worrying. If she has expectations, she needs to communicate them to you.

XmaswasbadNYisworse · 23/01/2024 16:39

3 months in I wouldn't want to be having "serious chats" about anything - way too soon for it to be that much hassle!

But I would set out my position pretty clearly -

"No, I'm not playing that game. I expect you to say what you want honestly, and I will rely on what you tell me. If you tell me something that isn't true for you, I'm sorry, but that's your problem. I'm not psychic, and I'm not going to look for hidden meanings - I want you to communicate openly and honestly like a mature adult, and I'll do the same."

CC222 · 23/01/2024 16:40

TeaPlease7859 · 23/01/2024 16:36

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine yeah I told her that I thought it was game playing and immature and she said she wouldn’t do it again… but realistically I think when someone does something like that it tends to be how they are as a person and a sign of things to come…

That's true. People tend to start showing their true selves after 3/4 months as it becomes harder then to keep up any pretence. It's all very immature and a bit of a red flag. There will always be times in life where you might be busy and can't be in contact, are you going to be emotionally punished each time? I'd definitely be wary...

EvilElsa · 23/01/2024 16:40

If this is the icing on the cake of doubts already I'd end the relationship and move on. If you really do like her and this has been the only hiccup I'd probably let it slide this time, but any repeats she'd be down the road.

regenerate · 23/01/2024 16:41

TeaPlease7859 · 23/01/2024 16:35

@regenerate we meet up every other weekend at the moment!

once a fortnight and you’re been together 3 months
and already this kind of drama

no thank you

regenerate · 23/01/2024 16:42

TeaPlease7859 · 23/01/2024 16:36

@ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine yeah I told her that I thought it was game playing and immature and she said she wouldn’t do it again… but realistically I think when someone does something like that it tends to be how they are as a person and a sign of things to come…

you said it

PietariKontio · 23/01/2024 16:44

Yep, I don't think you've done anything wrong at all. It's tricky knowing whether this is a sign of things to come with how she behaves in a relationship, she may have just been having a wobble of a day, but I think overall you'd be right to be cautious

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/01/2024 16:45

That would be a red flag for me. Definite gameplaying and not something I’d have time for

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