In Laws and xmas presents

[girlmummy25]

So my MIL & FIL are pretty wealthy and we are very lucky that every christmas me & my DH get a cheque of money and so do our 2 children. They also buy the kids a few presents.

However, last christmas MIL asked me what she could get the kids, I sent her links/pictures of 2 presents per child that they would like and made sure they were affordable and in stock in her nearest 2 smyths shops, she replied and said thanks etc.
When christmas comes she hasnt got any of the presents I suggested which im not too fussed about but it would have been nice of her to tell me she hadnt got them so that I could of got them for my children as it was stuff they wanted.

They also didnt get me or my DH anything at all, which again im not fussed about me but its a bit strange to not get their son anything no?
My DH sister is clearly the favourite and I cannot imagine that they wouldnt have got her anything. And definitely would of got what her kids asked for.

Last year they only gave my DD money and not DS. I just thought it was a mistake so I split the money between the 2 of them so one didnt miss out. Didnt say anything at all.

Im just not sure what to make of it, or whether to ask my DH's brother's wife if they got anything just in a casual conversation to see if it was done just to my Dh or not... or shall I just let it go?
I just feel bad for him as he has always been the sibling that gets left out and he tries so hard with them

You can’t win this one either way so stay out of it but definitely draw a line at them giving one child something and not the other.

No you dont ask SIL because its information you dont want. If she tells you she got something then you will have to decide whether to tell DH and deliberately hurt his feelings or sot on the information, which might also hurt his feelings. Let DH deal with them

Christmas was ages ago, are you still overthinking this?

Christmas wasn't ages ago. And people are allowed to mull over things which have bothered them.

OP, maybe there are some financial issues you aren't aware of. Or some other stressful thing going on that they haven't discussed with you.
I would just leave it be and next year make sure you buy key gifts for your dc so that you know they have the things they really wanted. If mil asks for suggestions then make those nice to have, but not very important gifts.
You are right to share any money equally between the two dc .

edited for typo

Could it be that she just forgot or is there back story?

If they have been consistent before and are not now I would try to find out if something is going on - it sounds as if they are starting to forget things?

My partners Mum never buys him anything, just puts £100 in a card. She’s his only family aside from me and our baby so I think it’s really thoughtless/ low effort. She bought the baby a toy that won’t be suitable for another 2/3 years.

Last year they only gave my DD money and not DS

That's pretty horrible, if it was something they did deliberately. I think I would said something like 'Sorry if I've misunderstood, but we got a cheque for DD from you and nothing for DS - did you mean for me to split the money between them or was there meant to be something for DS as well?' to give them a chance to explain.

When I was a child I had a relative who used to give us all different amounts of money at Christmas, depending on which of us she most liked that year. There were three of us, so we'd open cards from her on Christmas morning and realise that one of us would have £20, one £15 and one £40. It wasn't done by age or anything. We all found it pretty weird and it was obviously hurtful for the one(s) who got less. It wasn't the amounts themselves that bothered us - we'd have all been happy with a fiver - but the obvious message it was sending that we all had a different value to her. We all sent polite thank you notes regardless, but eventually my mum approached her and said 'If you can't split your budget evenly between the three of them, we'd rather you got them all nothing'.

I don't think it's 'thoughtless' to give someone £100 to spend on themselves,

Just ignore them not getting you gifts - some families just don't express care like that.

If they send something for one dc and not the other, your dh will have to ask them about it.

Don't make suggestions of gifts that are things your dc definitely want in future. Maybe, just suggest they use their own judgement to choose a gift or give a general suggestion of the "dc is enjoying craft sets at the moment" type.