My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Am I allowed to be angry that he doesn’t see dd on his days?

11 replies

Nocakeinthishouse · 23/01/2024 12:14

Ex-p has always been an abusive nightmare. We have a court order in place so I have to allow him to see dd (6) on his designated days (one overnight during the week and every alternate weekend).

Yet again, he has cancelled 3 hours before he is meant to have her. He hasn’t had her for his allocated weekend since last year. But I still have to leave these bloody days open to him, so I have to decline party invitations if they fall on “daddy’s weekend”, I can’t sign her up for clubs she wants to do at the weekends because he might decide to see her on one of his weekends, and can’t plan my life properly because, even six years in, he can’t be gracious enough to give me 24 hours notice that he is or isn’t going to see his child (and then wants days in lieu when he suddenly does get the inclination to see her). I’ve stopped telling dd that Daddy might be picking her up from school as she wants to know why I’m there instead. It makes me doubly sad because his parents absolutely dote on dd, and they are the only grandparents she has, but I can’t take her over to see them because they still haven’t forgiven me for taking their blue eyed boy to court (we had to get a restraining order and emergency child protection order). I’m just sick of being painted as the villain by him all the time when in reality I’m just trying to keep DD’s life as calm and structured as possible, while receiving no child maintenance and nothing but abuse from him. I’m just fed up!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

40 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
0%
You are NOT being unreasonable
100%
TimeForTeaAndG · 23/01/2024 12:17

Do you keep a record of all the missed contacts and the late notice? Could you take him back to court and request a different arrangement that will allow you to put DD into clubs and attend parties etc?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with his shit.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/01/2024 12:17

He doesn't work ? I would still go through CMS

You can now sign her up or take her to parties - just don't tell him 🤷‍♀️ If he miraculously turns up (sounds unlikely) then you won't be there

Willyoujustbequiet · 23/01/2024 12:19

TimeForTeaAndG · 23/01/2024 12:17

Do you keep a record of all the missed contacts and the late notice? Could you take him back to court and request a different arrangement that will allow you to put DD into clubs and attend parties etc?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with his shit.

This.

Take your evidence back to court and apply for a variation based on the fact that he is not adhering to the existing order.

Sul126 · 23/01/2024 12:20
Nocakeinthishouse · 23/01/2024 12:22

That is a really good idea @TimeForTeaAndG and @Willyoujustbequiet , thank you. @LaurieFairyCake , I will start accepting party invitations on his weekends now as it just isn’t fair that she keeps missing them. The idea of going back to court fills me with dread, but it will be worth it! Xx

OP posts:
RadiatorHead · 23/01/2024 12:25

Yep, sign her up to the clubs and accept invites. If he’s not picking her up anyway then what harm is it doing? Keep every text he sends saying he’s not coming and, if he just doesn’t show, message him yourself to ask where he is. Not to prompt him to come, just so you’ve got evidence that he wasn’t there as hopefully he’ll respond. Definitely get legal advice though about changing this court order, it seems pointless.

Nocakeinthishouse · 23/01/2024 12:26

@Sul126 , that is an incredibly informative article, thank you! I didn’t actually realise he was breaching the order, I thought it was only breached if I refused access to him. I think I need to go back to my solicitors. Her (much older) sister ice skates on a Tuesday and Saturday and dd is desperate to try, but until now I have said no because they are Daddy’s days. She will be over the moon if she can do one day or the other!

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 23/01/2024 12:30

Nocakeinthishouse · 23/01/2024 12:22

That is a really good idea @TimeForTeaAndG and @Willyoujustbequiet , thank you. @LaurieFairyCake , I will start accepting party invitations on his weekends now as it just isn’t fair that she keeps missing them. The idea of going back to court fills me with dread, but it will be worth it! Xx

I've been in a similar situation.

They don't really want the contact - they just want to control you. The kids soon see them for what they are. And they know who loves them and who is there for them.

Good luck OP.

pikkumyy77 · 23/01/2024 12:33

F

notmorezoom · 23/01/2024 12:33

Definitely keep records and back to court.

pontipinemum · 23/01/2024 12:49

You've had some great advice on what to do with 'dad'

I know it shouldn't be up to you, it should be him. But could you try and nurture the grandparents relationship? See if they would like to take DD for a walk/ ice cream/ park/ lunch some weekend? If they are her only grandparents and they dote on her it would be nice for DD. You never know they might see how much of shit their own son is because through innocence DD won't protect him

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.