I am losing my mind and I hate it

[LosingMyMind66]

I am losing the fucking plot. Currently 5 months into CBT therapy and awaiting an ADHD assessment.

The brain fog is absolutely unreal at the moment, the last 2 weeks have been awful. I feel so miserable all the time, and all I’m thinking about is how sad and rubbish I am, and obsessing how to stop thinking like this.

I have 10 minute bursts of motivation a day. Nothing drastic, but I’ll sit and plan to do some exercise that night, or try and bake bread sometime this week.

Half an hour later, I’m thinking “that’s pathetic, why do you even have to try all these things” or “what’s the point, you’ll still feel shit afterwards”. So instead I just want to nap.

I’m so tired of it. It’s all I talk about to my boyfriend and I can imagine how tiresome and repetitive it is. But genuinely there’s nothing else on my mind. I can’t switch it off.

Things like going on walks don’t even help me. Everyone says how amazing you feel after walking in nature or exercising - I feel even worse. Meditation and journaling hasn’t helped either.

I’ve had my thyroid and bloods looked at - all fine.

I’m a lost cause at this point. I know I need to get that assessment and possibly medication but right now I’m waiting.
I need short term answers for now, anyone?

Are you waiting for another medical referral? Or waiting to feel better?

Waiting for an adhd assessment. Im having CBT but its not overly helping and i cant afford private :(

This is the life of someone with ADHD. I relate a lot. Sadly, meds make me feel weird so I don't take them. I do find the busier my life is the more I function. Right now i am waiting for my new job to start and I've just been laying in bed for weeks 😭

CBT doesn’t work for most neuro diverse people.

Sorry if this is unhelpful, but have you tried colouring books? Adult ones. They are distracting, without the mental effort of a crossword iyswim. Quite calming. I hope you get sorted with your diagnosis and meds.

I can relate, OP.

There aren't many short term answers that I have found really help in that situation. I know exactly how you feel, and it's horrible. Just that lack of motivation but pressuring yourself all the time. Ugh.

Have you checked out the resources on https://adhduk.co.uk/adhd-useful-resources/

Some of them are good just to look at and make you feel understood - and you can do it in bed with your laptop/ phone 😅

Other than that, I do find that what I eat can have a big impact. How's your diet and are you drinking alcohol? I know these sound like the same kinds of things as 'go for a walk' etc, and I suppose they are - but I do find it actually makes a huge difference to my brain fog if I eat less bread/ processed carbs and more fresh fruit and veg, meat, fish etc. If that's hard for you, at least take a multivitamin to make sure your body is getting what it physically needs. It's really important.

Hope your assessment comes around very soon.

Thank you! I’ll try the colouring :)
And my diet is actually pretty good. I made a really conscious effort and I mainly eat fruit, veg and homemade food.
I also went sober last year.

I feel like nothing has an effect on me though. Going sober and changing my diet has done absolutely nothing either 😭

When I have felt like this the thought of baking bread etc etc is just too much effort and clearing up to do after.
So I put my shoes on and get out and walk for 5 minutes. No great preparation just shoes on and go. If I feel Ok then 5 mins more and so on until I decide to walk home. So no walking in nature blah blah. No driving to a park.Just out into my neighbourhood and walking especially early in the morning. Nice if there is some sun. But at least you feel as though you have achieved something to start the day.

😔Sorry to hear it, OP. It is just really shit isn't it? Brain fog is awful, it just stops you feeling like you are meeting your potential in life and you can't do what you want to/ are capable of doing.

The only other tip I really have is go easy on yourself. Remember you're waiting for an assessment for a medical condition, it's not your fault and you're not just rubbish! You probably need some medication.

In the meantime go easy on yourself and if you need to be in bed then be in bed. You will do stuff when you feel up to it.

Have you checked out the ADHD websites such as ADDitude? Russell Barkely ?

How old are you? Everything you've said describes my peri menopause symptoms whcih went within a week once I'd persuaded my GP to start HRT

It sounds like you're struggling with feeling depressed at the moment. It's quite common for people with ADHD, especially undiagnosed, to experience depression due to a difficulty in managing their ADHD traits.

I've been there. I can remember times I felt so completely useless, immobilized by severe task paralysis, and it would make me feel so shit about myself that it became a vicious cycle.

It's not much help right now but all I can say is it will get better. How you're feeling is temporary. I know it really doesn't feel that way, and it feels like you're going to feel this way forever. I've felt that way too, but I currently haven't experienced depression in years.

One thing that's helped me is to realise that my brain just works differently to a lot of other people, and to stop trying to force myself to function like others. For example, I just can't do routine and organisation. It's taken some time, but I've figured out a form of disorganised organisation that works for me, and I have a very loose routine that allows for variety and spontaneity. I no longer beat myself up over not being as perfectly organised as I once dreamed of being. Basically, I've learnt to embrace my ADHD and work with it, rather than against it.

Go easy on yourself. If you're struggling right now, that's okay. Don't try to force yourself to suddenly feel better, as that often results in feeling worse.

How old are you? Could some HRT help? Oestrogen depletion may not be helping. I’ve seen how HRT has improved my life.

Hope you get the help that you need. In the meantime, does your diet include enough animal fats and protein? Your body needs these to produce all the neurotransmitters you need, and to repair cells. Also a lack of animal products in the diet can lead to vit B12 deficiency which can present as brain fog, low mood etc.

Take a look at this video, Dr. Georgia Ede - 'Our Descent into Madness: Modern Diets and the Global Mental Health Crisis'

I hated walking or any exercise too, especially in the cold, wind and rain. However, I've found a way to enjoy it, Spotify has been my absolute saviour. Big headphones 🎧 on (helps keep the ears warm too), listen to music, a podcast or audiobook and I've done 30-45 mins before I know it, sometimes I'll do an extra 5 mins so I can listen to the end of the chapter/ podcast.

I don't know if it'll help with ADHD but it may help switch your thought pathways if you listen to inspirational/ self help audiobooks. It should help to get you out of your head for a bit anyway.

Do you work OP?

Yeah I do work, in healthcare. I’m pretty happy with my job, obviously has its bad days but overtime is rare and I fairly enjoy what I do

You are my twin. Its hell 😱
I work from home and get so little done. I like my job but my brain is on pause. I'm caught in an endless cycle of paralysis, guilt and anxiety. I don't know where neurodiversity, anxiety, perimenopause, cptsd begin and end. Wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Are you in your 40's op? Could be peri.

If it's more likely ADHD could a charity help support while you wait?

www.adhdfoundation.org.uk/