My ex (33M) very recently reached out to me for closure. Our relationship didn’t directly end, but we never spoke after I (24F) asked for space.
He felt that I wasn’t into him but was afraid to let go, which explains why he supported my request for space and made no contact.
I decided to be open and honest with my ex. I explained that throughout our relationship, there were too many incidents that resulted in a cause for concern.
Honestly, he seemed dumbfounded?
I had no problem reminding him of each and every incident. Problems I have highlighted in the past and expressed frustration with.
I.E. - we were so incompatible sexually, but my ex made me feel embarrassed by my sex drive but also out to be a sex addict to his male colleagues. When we went to Amsterdam, we mutually agreed to go to the Red Light and I suggested a peep show or live show. After complaining about the prices, he wanted to go to a live show but made it out to his colleagues that I begged him to go and he wanted to leave but I insisted that we should stay. I previously visited Amsterdam and went to a live show so I had been there, done that. His colleagues then made sexual comments about me that he laughed about. How do I know? He openly told me thinking it was the “funniest” thing ever.
There’s many, many, more issues but we would be here forever! 🥱
I didn’t raise my voice and I wasn’t out of my way mean. I used each incident to portray the attributes and qualities he had that I didn’t like, and to illustrate how longterm (and short term) we weren’t well suited but probably more lonely instead.
My ex and I used to exchange ‘I love you’ like most normal couples. He asked if I meant it or if I ever meant it, I explained that our relationship (>12 months) was relatively short term and while I wasn’t ever “in love” with him (which I openly said during our relationship), I did “love” him and could appreciate some time we shared together, so I explained that the love was more appreciation rather “love love”.
He felt “hurt” and “used” but overall was “satisfied” with his closure and gave a half arsed apology about the pain and hurt he caused. He said that “I just never got his sense of humour” otherwise “a lot of the things would’ve been ok”.
…. My friends told me to run from Day 1 & I should have listened.
Was I unreasonable? Some friends said I could have left the comments about love out, but I have so much resentment towards my ex that I refused to lie about loving him. Apart of me feels a bit immature, and maybe I am a bit, I know I still have a lot of life learning to do (I’m in my early twenties) but I also don’t want to be a dick either. The other side then is I don’t want to be walked all over like that again.