Good Morning Beautiful

[skippermoon]

Ughhhh been speaking to a few guys threw OLD, there's a couple who every day without fail send the "Good morning beautiful" or "Good night beautiful" message without fail.

I've never been in the situation where a man messages EVERY day from contact, I also don't see 'beautiful' as one of my attributes. I'm I being excessively paranoid in finding this a huge turn off- as I feel I am one of a dozen these men have set it scheduled to send to??

Do you want to meet up with any of these men and see where it goes? (Or have you already met any of them?! I'm assuming not??)

If not, just tell them you don't feel this is going anywhere, say goodbye, and if they don't say goodbye too and aren't nice about it/if they continue messaging you, block them!

Having loads of weak ongoing connections on OLD is a recipe for emotional chaos, it achieves nothing.

• Match
• Have a bit of a chat

Then EITHER

• Move to a coffee date within the week to see if there's a spark

OR

• Decide you're not interested in meeting them - and end the chat for good.

Only way to do OLD and stay sane as well as actually find a partner.

Getting sucked into days and days of an online back and forth with someone you haven't met is a waste of emotional energy when you have no idea if you would actually fancy them IRL. It creates a sort of ertzaz relationship that is built on sand.

And if a man isn't good at the chat bit and isn't up for meeting for a coffee, then you know he's a time-waster, so it weeds them out immediately.

It’s not the messages themselves it’s the formulaic, box-ticking “let’s make her feel like a princess” vibe. It’s icky and slightly sleazy and also feels very inauthentic.

I haven’t been on OLD for a few years but I used to see “good morning beautiful” messages as a major red flag.

I don’t think this is particularly fair. Most people on OLD are speaking with multiple people until the find one that eventually connects/goes somewhere.

I think what the OP has described is a tactic men have to keep women on the back burner as they work through more likely prospects-and she has realised this because of the number doing the same thing. Presumably if she was in the meeting stage of dating these men that sort of message would feel different.

I online date from time to time and will match and message with a number of people. But we have conversations!

This is standard practice with OLD. The recommendation is not to over invest in any one person at this stage so this is what you are supposed to do. It’s pretty tedious and depressing but absolutely textbook.

She's using a dating app, yes. Where I draw the distinction is that online dating should be about finding people to date offline. Not about sort-of dating a load of people at once in a purely online fashion. She's doing some initial screening of these complete strangers. They are sending a complete stranger "Good morning beautiful" messages daily while she lies in bed. It's way over familiar and transparent.

I think these men create a rod for their own backs. OLD is insanely competitive, in the early days they want to seem keen, so message everyday. Certain women wont make the grade of meeting this week, but they want to keep them on the hook- should things not pan out. Problem is they have already framed the 'normal' cadence of contact as daily so need to keep it going otherwise. So you then get the copy and paste messages coming through.

For some women this will work as OLD is new, problem is for people like OP when they start to get a bit more experience and the gloss wears off. I think for OP the penny has just dropped.

As opposed to, "Good morning you miserable old bag."

Men can't win, can they? Some women will find any reason to bash them.

Don't think anything of it. It's not like a major insult.

My god I would love to have 6 men texting me that I was beautiful.
Last text received from a man was my husband asking me to pick up bag of potatoes...

It will be Good Morning Beautiful until you sleep with them, then they'll never text you again!

Oh stop it. No one’s ‘bashing men’, we’re commenting on the behaviour of particular men the OP is talking to, and comparing them to our own experiences.

There are SO many other things you can say than the same old ‘morning beautiful’ peddled out to several different women every day.

'Good morning beautiful' sounds like the sort of thing old men say to people like Susannah Reid on Twitter when she's presenting breakfast telly. I would be put off by this.

People are more than welcome to tell me I'm beautiful (I'm not, but whatever) but 'Good morning beautiful' every day just feels a bit formulaic and lazy. Also, I'm not keen on terms of endearment from people I don't actually have a relationship with yet. Once I'm actually seeing someone they can call me love, darling, sweetheart or whatever, but I'd find it a bit icky and presumptuous from someone I was just messaging.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Everyone is different and the OP is perfectly entitled not to be into this type of communication. Some women are clearly fine with it, but we're all different.

My friend met her partner through OLD and I know that for ages it was basically just messages like 'Hey beautiful, how's you?' and 'Morning, what u up 2 2day' and very basic small talk when they first connected. Clearly that worked for her, she's been with him for two years now, he seems like a lovely person and they're well-suited. However, I personally would not be well-suited to someone whose communication style was like that. It would drive me nuts. By day three of 'Hello beautiful, how ya doing today' I would be very very very bored. That's just me. People are all different. We all like different things.

@FrogsWormsandCaterpillars I personally wouldn't message someone every day on an app for an extended period that I hadn't met IRL because it can lead me to overinvest in someone who is ultimately a stranger I might not fancy at all, which is a waste of my attention and energy. I think it's good to move to an IRL meet ASAP once you've decided they're of interest to you, as you can't really know if they're worth your energy any other way. And, it weeds out time wasters who just want to chat back and forth to fill their time but don't really want to meet someone.

I'm personally someone who can get really into messaging people but until you've met them it's a sort of parasocial fantasy possibility.