To think seeing my boyfriend twice a month is fine?

[peoplethankthepeople]

I'm a 32 year old single mum to a ten year old, I have a good/busy/stressful career which takes up most of my time. The rest of my time is spent with my daughter and ferrying her to her after school activities, catching up with friends and family when I can, walking my dogs, taking care of the house, reading etc.

I met a man in October at a wedding. Things have been great since then, we do text most days but it doesn't feel overwhelming as I've had in the past. The pace feels nice and slow and steady. We enjoy each other chat, company and the sex.

The first few weeks we saw each other quite a bit but we have settled into seeing each other once every two weeks when my child is at her dads. We fluctuate between just staying in and watching films with a few drinks, going out to play pool or going out for dinner.

He has responsibilities and commitments too but no children but he is just as busy as me.

We both agreed that this set up seems to be working for us. I have never had such a relaxed and laid back set up, but it's really suiting me and makes me think that maybe this is why no other relationships have worked for me.

We've even discussed the fact that if we were to get serious, we wouldn't want to live together and would like to keep separate accommodations.

The reason I ask if this is strange is because my friends and family scoff and think this is such an odd set up. They tell me if he was really interested he would want to see me loads. What's your opinion?

He lives an hours drive from me.

If you're happy, he's happy, and things are good, what does it matter what anyone else thinks?

Who cares what others think, you both sound happy with your setup and that's honestly all that matters. Enjoy it!

Sounds like a great arrangement to me!

I have been single for 14 years (also a single parent, with a busy career/life) and this would be the only way I would even consider another relationship.

Sounds perfect and you get the best of everything - concentrate on work, have a social life and spend plenty of time with your child. As long as both of you are happy, then it’s no one’s else’s business.

This sounds perfect for your busy life. And it sounds like he's on the same page which is a massive bonus. Maybe you'll feel differently in time, but at the moment, this is working well for both of you.

If you’re both happy it’s fine. It sounds more like a sort of companionship really, where you’re happy keeping your lives separate long term as opposed to the traditional falling madly in love and wanting to spend as much time together, get married / move in and blend families.

Again that’s fine isn’t it, if that’s what you both want. I don’t blame you as you’re both so busy. Sounds quite nice really.

I would be worried that's not enough sex to bond at this stage of the relationship but if it works for you and you are both happy then why not!

Sounds more like a friends with benefits situation . Would it bother you if he was seeing others when not with you ?

Yes it would bother me, and same for him if I was seeing others. Had that discussion. Neither are seeing others.

If it's working don't knock it. Modern life is hard enough.

If it suits you both the it is perfectly fine.

You don’t have to conform to anyone else’s ideas. Your friends and family are being rather narrow-minded, and frankly, rude. You are adults and are behaving as such.

Sounds ideal to me. I have no desire to live in someone's pocket!

What ever works for you. If you are both happy with the set up then it’s fine.

I see my DP every 1-2 weeks but would like to see him more, it has become an issue but realistically I don’t want to see him too often either. I’m a single parent and I also enjoy my own company (been single almost 10 years) so I don’t plan on moving anyone in, but I would like to have the option there to see each other more.

All that matters is you and he are happy! There's many different types of relationships and while friends and family may not understand your arrangement - they don't need to. The only watch out will be that you can maintain it for the long haul I.e he doesn't change his mind on what type of relationship he wants. Him not having kids means his lifestyle has more fluidity, and you may not be around enough to notice any changes until it's late. But nothing you can't work through and communicate!

My DP and I have been together 5 years and don't live together. We see each other more often than you and yours (1 or 2 evenings in the week and every weekend unless one of us has other plans) but have no intention of moving in together for a long time yet, if ever.

It works for us, couldn't give a shit what anyone else thinks.

Sounds like the perfect relationship for both of your situations right now. Some people can't understand that your happy doesn't look like their happy. Sod what anyone else thinks, if it works for you then that's all that matters.

As it works for both of you, I think it's a good arrangement.

It’s how my relationship started and worked for us. We gradually started seeing each other more after around a year.

This is the set up I have with my OH. We are both single parents, live a similar distance apart to you. In the early days, we spent every other weekend together. No kids, just enjoying each other’s company! Once we had been together almost a year, we introduced the kids. We have had a few meet ups with the kids (not doing it all the time, I want to ensure I get plenty of 1:1 with DD) but we have a lovely balance. Both own homes so we won’t be rushing to move in together any time soon. I would like to live together but I don’t want to rush into it.
Stuff what anyone else thinks! If it’s working for you, that’s all that matters!

I have a very similar set up with my boyfriend. I was married for 18 years and I think that living in each other’s pockets may have been a contributory factor to the end of the relationship (among several others).

I’ve been with my current partner since July and we try to see each other weekly, but it can go much longer. He lives 2 hours away. Like you, we’re both very busy, and I have kids. It works for us at the moment. I’m not 100% sure I want to live with anyone else again in the future either… at least not full time.

I’d say if it works for both of you then brilliant and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks 🙂

Sounds fine OP.
kids Wil grow up and leave in a few years anyway abc then you can re-think.

This is exactly what I’m looking for in my own relationships! Not managed to find someone who doesn’t want to live in each others pockets yet though.

If it's working for you, that's all that matters! I think maybe other people who have had marriages /serious/long term relationships end, kids or other commitments would appreciate this set-up more than others, probably.

This all sounds very sensible and refreshing for 2 parents to want to concentrate on looking after their kids and their own lives without rushing into something else.

If you’re both happy then why change anything! Your family and friends should mind their own and be grateful that their family member is behaving so maturely and not involving them in unnecessary drama like so many do ❤️

Sounds too casual for me, I see some of my friends more than that, but if you're both happy then why question it. I would think you weren't into each other that much, to be honest, but at least it's evenly matched.