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Toilet fitter just extremely rude

23 replies

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 22/01/2024 11:12

My son is a wheelchair user. He come off his legs 4 months ago. We were granted funding for a wet started last week. Toilet is being fitted today and well the fitter was just so bloody rude to me, my son will need a wheelchair to use over the toilet as he can't transfer anymore. He asked me about this and asked for measurements make and model of the chair so he could put the toilet to the correct height which is fine. I didn't have the spec to hand so I said one moment I'll find out so I went to call my OT and asked her. She told him the measurements and everything was okay. I apologised for knowing them by heart and said all this equipment was very new to me as my son had only just stopped walking so didn't need all this equipment until now. He replied to me like "yeah you clearly don't know what your taking about and neither does she" talking about my OT he said it in such a nasty tone of voice. I felt so intimidated by him as all 4 builders where just standing there staring at me. He then kept talking over me. He totally ignored the OTs measurements as she's "thick as shit" AIBU to ring my site manager as I think it's really really rude. Would he have spoken to my husband like that? I have nothing against builders my husband is one my dad is one. I just feel like a failure that I didn't know what my child needed if that make sense. It's extremely upsetting having all these adaptions done as it is as it shows how much he has deteriorated 😔 he's a 9 year old boy who only a few months ago was walking and playing football. I didn't stick up for my OT either because she isn't "thick as shit" she's helped me so much with adaptions and fighting for support I just felt so intimidated.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

144 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Avatartar · 22/01/2024 11:19

Err yes no one gets to call anyone as thick as shit in a working or customer/service environment. Ask them to leave now. Either you or some body on your behalf is paying this company’s wages for the work they are doing in your home. Get them gone. Their attitude makes you not trust their work either- what are the pipes you can’t see doing? Will they be connected properly. If he can’t speak to you civilly- you have to doubt their ability to perform the task.

kisstheblarney · 22/01/2024 11:22

Too bloody right you complain! How dare he, I would not want him back in my home.

Deathbyathousandcats · 22/01/2024 11:23

Of course you should complain. What why you even consider otherwise?

puncheur · 22/01/2024 11:25

That's awful. Tell him to leave and that you won't be paying him.

Northsideoftheriver · 22/01/2024 11:26

I wouldn't let him back in the house but I can be unreasonable like that 😁 I've been known to eject tradesmen. I would complain.

sakura06 · 22/01/2024 11:26

Outrageous. How dare he be so rude to you in your own home?! I would ask him to leave if you feel confident to (I could understand the presence of the other builders might put you off).

So sorry about your son. That sounds like a very challenging situation.

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 22/01/2024 11:34

Thanks everyone I'm going to ring my SM, Im not one to complain because I don't really know why to be honest. "Not grassing" ect is how I've been brought up and I thought maybe I'm being sensitive. I don't feel confident to challenge him to leave I just want the toilet and bathroom finished as we've been without one for 12 days. I don't want to prolong the process for my son.

OP posts:
C152 · 22/01/2024 11:43

That's a tough situation. My intial thought would be to ask them to leave immediately, then ring the site manager to explain exactly why you've asked them to leave, then follow up with a letter of complaint to the company owners/head office. BUT...presumably you're pretty desparate for these changes to be made immediately and it can be hard to find a crew to take on someone else's work. If that's the case, I think I would still ask them to leave today, call the site manager and try to work out a solution, like the man who was rude being replaced by someone else tomorrow.

I'm sorry about your son, OP. It is very hard to see them suddenly change and then deteriorate. You're not weak, neither you nor the OT are thick and NO ONE would expect you to know the specifications of your son's wheelchair off by heart.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 22/01/2024 11:43

He's awful OP. You didn't do anything wrong. You have been through a lot in the last few months, longer maybe depending on your son's condition. It can be overwhelming and exhausting, especially overwhelming in the early days. My son developed a hip conditon, much younger than this, but one due to his age he did recover fully from. I don't know what you're facing, but that was overwhelming enough. The last thing you need is a sanctimonious jerk like this making this harder for you all. I wish you all the best and I hope the adaptations are finished quickly and make your lives a little easier.

BIossomtoes · 22/01/2024 11:46

Asking him to leave would be cutting your nose off to spite your face. Definitely complain though.

Catusrusty · 22/01/2024 11:47

Yes complain. Firmly, and then follow up to see what was done.

I used to organise social housing refurbs. A huge part of the job was ensuring that my subcontractors could be personable so they could go into people's homes. No one should be speaking to you like this.

I once had a compliant about a scaffolder wolf whistling at women from one of my jobs. He was removed the same day and he was not welcome back on my sites.

Writerscompanion · 22/01/2024 12:01

I'm so sorry OP. You did nothing wrong and are just trying your best for your son. Do whatever you are most comfortable with today but I would definitely complain and refuse to have this man back in your home.

Aylestone · 22/01/2024 12:05

BIossomtoes · 22/01/2024 11:46

Asking him to leave would be cutting your nose off to spite your face. Definitely complain though.

This. I can pretty much guarantee that they’re not going to be able to magic up a replacement contractor for tomorrow like someone suggested. It’ll be him or an even longer wait to get it done. Let him finish and THEN complain, otherwise you’re just asking for trouble really

JenniferBooth · 22/01/2024 12:20

What an absolute tosser. And as for all his mates standing there (dont quite know how they managed that with no spine)

Agree with complaining afterwards because you can bet this prick knows he cant easily be replaced and is enjoying the power.

JenniferBooth · 22/01/2024 12:21

@Catusrusty wish you were doing that for my HA

Catusrusty · 22/01/2024 12:52

JenniferBooth · 22/01/2024 12:21

@Catusrusty wish you were doing that for my HA


I have to admit, I didn't realise there went such differing standards between HAs until very recently. Especially as I've been out of construction for a decade. I used to be in people's houses a LOT and you have to be as sweet as pie even in the most challenging situations.

However a family member moved into a property in the south west and it was like a squat. That housing association said it was clean to their standard. I was gobsmacked. Genuinely gobsmacked. The last HA property I saw that was as dirty as the one my family member was expected to live in, I had insisted it needed a environmental clean before my subcontractors would even go in to do the necessary work. Let alone expect someone to live there. Truly shocking.

HAs can do stuff to an excellent standard. We used to do new builds for a specific HA and they were of a higher spec finish than the new builds we did for private sale. It just depends on the leadership.

Hopefully the OP will complain.

Springcleaninginsummer · 22/01/2024 12:55

Is he doing the work to the correct specifications if he is saying that about the OT? I think you should ring the person responsible and ask them to double-check what is being done as it sounds like there is a conflict between the measurements he has been given and what he is intending to do.

DRS1970 · 22/01/2024 12:58

I would happily tell you to report him all day long. You can't speak to anyone like that, let alone a client who is clearly struggling to get to grips with some life altering issues. He sounds like an arrogant prick who really needs a one way chat with his boss.

HollyKnight · 22/01/2024 13:00

Were the correct measurements not part of the design plan?

Snowdogsmitten · 22/01/2024 13:23

Don’t get upset, get angry. Nail that nasty piece of shit to the wall.

Alwaysgoingforit · 22/01/2024 13:48

I would get the work finished then complain.

starfishmummy · 22/01/2024 13:55

HollyKnight · 22/01/2024 13:00

Were the correct measurements not part of the design plan?

You'd have thought they would be. But....

swedishmom24 · 22/01/2024 19:52

This is outrageous and so rude! Absolutely complain.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You sound like a wonderful mum dealing with a big change to your family. Even if this wasn't brand new to you, I doubt anyone would know the measurements by heart.

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