To push through new screen time limits

[Thewifefury]

My nearly 11 year old has high anxiety and uses screen time to hyperstimulate to avoid intrusive thoughts especially around bedtime, related to death. (His sister passed away aged 11 RTA- 7 years ago). It has got worse as he gets closer to her age. He is in therapy but he is very resistant to any changes to his schedule. (Currently screens off 11pm - no gaming after 9pm) but last night he was still awake at 1.30am and we have had a really bad weekend of him panicking all night and refusing sleep. We are all exhausted. We have tried to reduce his screen time before and it results in all of us being awake til 3/4am for nights on end as he rages, panics and has anxiety attacks. AIBU to force through this change despite the fall out for all of us (he is currently school refusing and screaming at me because I've said things need to change) and what times are your 11 years olds off screens/going to bed/falling asleep generally?

and no you don't 'tell a child their panic attacks are disturbing others'

My child who has panic attacks at bedtime would be self harming with stress if I said something like that to her. You have no idea.

I would agree with suggestions to discuss with his therapist - sometimes going through therapy can (temporarily) bring difficulties closer to the surface before helping to find ways to manage them.

It sounds like the screentime is serving a function for him in helping him to manage, i wonder if exploring alternatives that would meet that need might be best done before trying to remove something that is (presumably to some degree) helpful for him?

There is some good information and advice on child sleep issues in the book 'Helping your child with sleep problems' including ways to tackle night terrors, insomnia, bedtime fears etc using a CBT approach. I wonder if some of those resources might fit with/complement what the therapist is doing?

Thanks for all your replies. It's helpful to hear a lot of thoughts on this. His dad is currently putting him to bed now, using humour and mucking about to ease him into being open to sleep and settling down. It's never going to be a quick fix. My attempts at cold turkey this morning (because his late nights meant he was unable to get up for school) just resulted in complete school refusal, panics all day that bedtime will change and I'm emotionally done in. I def need to get him to be more active I think knackering him out might be the only way.

Really controversial probably, but melatonin gummies from the US helped my ASD daughter switch off from her worries enough to sleep. We did eventually get her prescribed melatonin officially but her anxiety would spiral at bedtime and they just tipped her into tiredness enough.

Good to know!