Upset my friend

[Catj2108]

So me and my friend are both nurses. I am a staff nurse and she is 12 hours sister and 24 hours band 5 staff nurse like me. Yet for the past few years she has chosen to wear her sisters dark navy blue uniform all of the time. This has annoyed me since the beginning but on one of our shifts together (both band 5s this shift) one of us was expected to step up and be in charge as there was no sister on. I said that I wouldn't be doing it.

i then spoke to the manager a few days later and said that I don’t think any of us band 5s should have to be in charge when she is in her sisters uniform. I did have a bit of a rant saying that it would make me look a tit and none of the med staff would approach me anyway as she’s the one in the uniform.

this was a few weeks ago so never really thought anymore about it. But now she knows it was me who said something and she is refusing to speak to me. She has spoken to my other friend and says she is shocked that I would say anything to the manager about her. She has not said a word to me so isn’t aware I know. But she won’t reply to my messages so it’s pretty obvious I’ve annoyed her

what do I do now?

I stand by what I’ve said but maybe I went about it in the wrong way

thank you

The only thing you can do is apologise for going behind her back, refusing to step up, not being a team player. And then tell her it was all because of the uniform she wore. She will likely tell you you need to get a grip, and she will decide from there whether she is still your friend or not.

I don't really understand the point about the uniform, but I think you need to apologise to her for complaining to your boss about something you could and should have just raised directly with her. I would be upset in her shoes too I think.

You are right that people from visitors and patients to doctors on the ward judge who is in charge by the uniform they wear. If I had a query about a relative I would seek out the one in sister uniform
So you are right about what would happen and how you would look, as though you were a staff nurse going over the sister on dutys head. You are also right that you went about it the wrong way. You should have spoken to your friend first.
I don't know why she wants to wear the sisters uniform when she is not on duty in that role. It signifies a higher status than she has which could irritate other colleagues and can't be great for her as she will end up taking more responsibility than she is being paid for as people approach her to take a sister's role when she is on duty as staff nurse. All you can do is try to explain why you were concerned. Say you realize that you were wrong not to explain to her first why it would be awkward to do the sisters role in these circumstances and apologise for not approaching her first.We all act without thinking it through first sometimes. 💐

I cant blame you for being annoyed... why is she even allowed to wear it?

I think its bad taste to talk behind her back to the manager (though the manager should have nipped it in the bud on the first day).

Think I would have just asked her, why she's wearing it or made a joke that since she's wearing it she can be responsible every shift.

I don’t understand the ‘12 hours sister’ thing. Are you saying she is sometimes fulfilling a more senior function, but has taken to wearing the ‘senior’ uniform all the time, even when not performing that role?

I think that’s exactly what she’s saying. I think the friend sounds a bit like a knob for wearing her senior outfit and I’m surprised she’s allowed.

OP was right to refuse to step up, but unwise to relate it to the uniform wearing, as it sounds petty.

Why did your manager breach your privacy by passing on the conversation that was had between you? I think that's a far bigger issue.

I would never have complained about what uniform she wore.

I would expect someone who is sometimes paid as sister to act up instead of you anyway as they have experience in the role even if not in the uniform.

I might be slightly bemused at her wearing the uniform all the time but being annoyed then actually complaining is ott.

How did the conversation with the manager come about?

She shouldn't be wearing the uniform when she's not fulfilling that role. Especially if she isn't willing to step into it when there is no sister on duty.

It sounds a bit petty from all sides. I'm very much of the mind that if she's going to behave like this and not have a conversation then that's that. You get a say too.

Another vote for why is she even wearing the uniform.

Yes she chooses to wear it all the time giving the impression that on 2 shifts a week she is more senior than others

I don't entirely understand the whole thing with uniform but it might have been better to have raised it with her before going to her manager.

However, at the end of the day she is the one in the wrong and is acting very childish manner.

Did the manager tell her that it was you who raided the issue? I would not be happy about that.

I think you might have to accept that your friendship is over. I would not be doing any chasing her. Act in a professional manner when you are working with her and crack on with your work.