To not know what to do with food gifts

[Babycote]

I'm not British and this is a genuine question about British culture so hoping you can explain it to me.

I know from previous threads on mumsnet that most British people think it is rude to arrive 'empty handed' to someone's house.

Personally I always find it weird that people arrive with food, like they think we can't afford to feed them or haven't thought about what they might like!

However although I find it a bit insulting, I have learned from Mumsnet that it is in fact the polite British thing to do so I always try to remind myself of that.

My question is, what are you meant to do with the gift in the moment? If it is a packet of biscuits do you open them and eat them during the visit? Or do you save them for later after the guests have gone? Is one of those things more polite/rude than the other one? What if it doesn't go with what you have already prepared, do you have to do it anyway?

Please tell me the unwritten rules. As you can see I cannot trust my own instincts as my own instincts were wrong previously!

I’d offer to open them, just depends really what you are serving etc. I usually would take a gift for the host non food related or alcohol (which you can again offer the host if they’d like some, they will probably be happy with whatever you’re serving)

What kind of food gifts are people bringing you? Is this just for Christmas, or also dinner parties?

It's pretty normal to bring either wine/chocolate/flowers when going round to someone's for dinner. It's for the host to use whenever they want as it's a present to say thank you. Not sure how normal it is to bring food gifts unless it's a contribution to a big event like Christmas

If it's food like biscuits I'd always open them and present them alongside my own seving.

If chocolates or wine those are meant for the host to enjoy later.

If you already have something similar to serve them then you just put them aside for later. If you don’t, you open them.
E.g you get brought biscuits but you’ve already got homemade cake to give out, you leave the biscuits for another time.
Thats what I’d do anyway. It is considered polite in the uk to bring a little thank you for the host. Please don’t see it as insulting.

If it’s biscuits and they came round for a cup of tea or lunch I would put them out with the tea or as part of the lunch.

If it was dinner and they came with a pudding I would put theirs out and the one I had made out. Some people may have a small amount of both. Some may just have one.

Chocolate is for you to have later as a thank you.

If I'm going to see one particular friend with dietary requirements I always take some biscuits specifically for her as they're quite expensive. She saves them till later (as I would expect her to). If going out for dinner I'd take wine chocolates etc for the hosts ASAP thank you. Sometimes we eat them altogether sometimes not. I would feel it rude not to take something.

If people bring cooked or prepared food (eg in tupperware or on a plate covered in clingfilm) then they are bringing it to add to the meal and you should serve it.

If they bring wine or chocolates they are a gift for you to have yourself at some other time.

If they bring cake, and the gathering is eg a coffee-date, they are to be shared at the time. Equivalent to them treating you to a cake at a coffee shop.

Biscuits fall somewhere between cake (serve) and chocolates (keep for later), so I tend to avoid giving them. If someone gave them to me I would add them to the ones I was already serving.

Flowers always just in water with a thank you

champagne if chilled (the chilled is the hint to open) is opened pre-dinner
if unchilled goes in my cupboard.

any homemade stuff (rare) is served with meal generally.

Generally…Biscuits or chocolates whatever just go in the cupboard same with standard.

if the night rolls on I might bring out the chocolates if dessert was light it looks like the crowd fancies something else.

there have also been times we’ve smashed through 5 bottles between 4 and are still going… if I don’t have a 6th of whatever they are drinking I might open and offer what they brought. This is pretty rare.

I know what to do with flowers (put in a vase), and I think with wine you are meant to open it while the guests are there.

But people quite often seem to bring us a tin of biscuits or some chocolates, and those I don't really know the rules for

It really depends on the occasion! If people have come round for a cup of tea for example I would serve the biscuits or chocolate with the tea. If it was for a meal I would serve the wine with the meal and the chocolates afterwards, but I wouldn't serve biscuits at a meal ( if that makes sense 😂)