To put DS in nursery one day a week?

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I have a seven month old DS. He’s a glorious wee man, but we have exclusively contact napped and bed shared since he was born. This means that for the last seven months, I have almost always had him somewhere about my person. I’m finding it exhausting. I made a rod for my own back and really don’t want to sleep train, so feel a bit stuck.

DH does more than his share, taking DS in the mornings and on weekends, so I can get some proper sleep. But, I’m still pretty desperate for some proper time to myself and it’s starting to depress me a bit. I don’t even want to do anything, I just want some time alone where I don’t have to engage and can hear myself think.

DH has suggested putting DS in nursery one day a week, so I can have a day to myself. There are several very good ones near us. On the one hand, a day to myself would be lovely. On the other, I worry that DS is too young and think I’d feel very guilty about dumping him in nursery for no other reason than to veg in silence.

Has anyone else done this? Do you have suggestions as to what else I might do?

I'd try two mornings

I think it would be a bit much for any baby to go straight from contact napping to nursery. I would recommend gently weaning him off that first. Ideally nursery will be easier for him once he's a little older and taking in more solid food too. And two mornings would probably be easier than one day. Overall you should expect that nursery will probably make his separation anxiety worse rather than better though.

Instead of using a nursery, decide some basic very gentle sleep training techniques and implement those first. You're going to have to put in a bit of donkey work first yourself.

PS: It's probably just a phase though! Don't think I'd personally do nursery this early just for a break but it depends how you are coping.

Honestly, in your position, I would sleep train instead and quit the cosleeping. Sleep deprivation is so awful. Lots of ways to do it, something like gradual retreat might work for you

If you want alternatives to nursery :

Could your DH take a day off a week for a few weeks? Things may look very different then

Does the baby sleep in a sling? Still on you but I found it felt much more like alone time when I could go for a long walk with a podcast

Having watched others start nursery (we started FT from 3 months) I'd echo that those children who only do 2-3 days/week were always more unsettled. But also it looks to get harder after 9 months so if you have already found a nursery that is willing to take short slots I'd give it a go but you might need to give it 2-3 months before assessing if it's working for you

@Giltedged but this is a bit different. If the OP was headed back to work, the baby would have a more consistent childcare routine. I think a 7 month old can be happy in a good nursery 3-5 days a week (maybe not optimal at that age but I think it can work) but 1 day a week is different, especially if the OP would continue contact napping 6 days a week, that's quite rough on a baby, they likely would find that one day harder than 3-5

My daughter went to nursery 2 days a week when she was 9 months. I couldn't do 1 day. I had severe pnd and it was to help me focus on looking after myself with my high needs baby around. Unfortunately for me I probably should have done it sooner as I still ended up in the mother and baby unit at 10 months. If I was to find myself in the same situation again I think I would put her in a bit earlier

I wouldn't want a 7 month old anywhere near a nursery that allowed them to do just one day a week. It really isn't in the best interests of the child.

As hard as it is, I agree with other posters that you need to try and sort out the sleeping.

By the way don't feel you have to sleep train. This might be a phase for him and sleep might improve as he gets older naturally anyway.

Don’t feel bad about using a nursery but I’m confused as to why your husband isn’t taking the baby more when he is not at work and giving you some time to yourself.

I'm in agreement with PPs that 1 day in nursery would be traumatic for you both and your little one would take a very long time to settle.

I disagree with some PPs that the only way to improve things is sleep training. I hear you that you really don't want to and I feel that very strongly too. It is so normal and natural for your baby to be one you all the time, and to meet their needs. It is also really really hard.

You haven't made a rod for your own back in any way, shape or form. You have simply been meeting your baby's need for connection, which is how their brain develops.

I'd suggest trying to find a babysitter or someone who can take your baby for a walk for an hour or two. I think that will give you some headspace.

You also could set up a floor bed to be able to roll away once they are asleep. We did that from 9 months and it's my number one recommendation to people. There's absolutely nothing wrong with contact naps but it might help you feel less touched out if your baby could sleep away from you for a bit. They will probably sleep less long like that as they won't feel quite as cosy and safe as on you, so it's a trade off between time and freedom.

All the best, OP, sounds like a tough phase.

I probably wouldn’t as he’s going to catch every illness in sight and if you don’t have to use childcare yet I wouldn’t. This might cause you more problems. My kids caught everything in the first 6 months and were constantly off and sick, they weren’t alone in that as friends kids were the same. He’s very young still

Not what you asked for because I have nothing to add to the nursery discussion, but just to give you hope - my DD exclusively contact napped until about 9 months. My sister would say things like “put her in the pram and just wait for her to doze off.” 90 minutes later she would be screaming, I would be cold and tired and she’d fall asleep instantly in my arms at home.

What helped me move away from contact naps is I kept trying to put her down for one nap a day, normally the middle of the day one so I could “fix” it with an earlier/longer contact nap later. one day it literally just clicked, and she stayed down. I didn’t do anything different, but she was ready. We now have a shortened version of the bedtime routine which I do before a nap and it helps cue her sleep.

I also tried a couple of contact naps on the sofa (only when I was fully awake) where I would sit with my legs along the sofa, leaning my back on the armrest. Cuddle to sleep as normal but then put DD down between my legs, so she still had the warmth and smell, and the squishiness of the sofa, but I had her off my person and hands free to have a hot drink. Obviously no good if you think you might doze off though.

It’s so, so hard. Two days of cot naps and I already couldn’t remember how I got anything done whilst juggling contact naps. Good luck.

OP please don't feel you have to sleep train if you don't want to. There's a lot of pressure to, but if you have your reasons not to (I know I did!) then don't feel it's the only way. My DD was a contact or pram napper until around 12 months so I get how tricky it is! Can you try the pram or car? I found a walk with a podcast and a coffee felt like more of a break than a contact nap on the sofa. Also, sounds silly - but have you tried the cot for naps recently? I only ask because I tried my DD around 6 months and she was having none of it, but when I tried again around 12 months (in preparation for nursery which she started at 13 months), she went down fine. I now wonder if she'd have gone in sooner if I'd only tried!

Sleep training isn't the only fix but nursery for a day a week is sleep training just for one day a week which is likely to be much worse than just doing it all the time.

My little one is 15 months now . Happily naps independently at nursery but won’t at home blooming nightmare but I’ve had to accept that’s how it is and I just take the opportunity to either nap with him or I’ll watch something on tv.

nighttime goes into his cot fine but if he wakes that’s it he has to come into my bed there is no resettling him

Thank you very much to everyone who commented. It’s been really helpful.

I think we’re either going to try two/three afternoons a week or getting a nanny in for a few hours, twice a week.

To those who asked, all the nurseries around here take kids from five months and are willing to do one day. They all cost circa £100 a day and there is no waiting list. Of the three we are considering (all of which are rated ‘outstanding’), one is a Busy Bees, one is a Bright Horizons and one is a standalone. I had no idea that all of that wasn’t standard, tbh. I’m in SW London.

ETA: and thank you all for not making me feel like a shitty mother for even contemplating this. You’ve been really supportive, which I didn’t realise how much I needed!

Speaking from experience, nursery isn't a magic bullet for a poor napper, so I do not think it is a good idea to send him for that reason. However, it's totally fine to send him for you to be able to recharge. I have a one year old who breastfeeds/wakes in the night/cosleeps and would absolutely jump at a day to myself per week, the exhaustion is real. Sadly I work ft so it's not going to happen for me. But in your position I would 100% do it.

I would go and have a good look around each one and see how the staff interact with the other kids. We had ours in a Busy Bees and whilst it looked good outside looking in we found a multitude of problems and ended up moving them. I'm sure it is probably just our location so can't generalise, but ask to see their ofsted reports and what they are currently working on 😊 good luck and enjoy the you time when you get it x

Thank you! Can I ask what the problems were, please? It would be super helpful to know and look out for them.

Christ no. He’ll pick up all sorts and you’ll get less peace than you have at the moment because he’ll be so ill. For the sake of one day it’s definitely not worth putting him in. He will be very confused as well. They need to go in more than one day to get used to it. I work nights and kept dd2 at home with me until she was nearly 3. She started with one day and now goes 3 days

It was mostly staff negligence, not with my own as far as I know but with other kids. One child managed to escape the nursery without anyone noticing and was wandering down the road and a kid in another room got all tangled up in some sort of bunting and again it went unnoticed for a bit. Things happen, but in the second incident the nursery didn't inform the parents right away it was only when the parents asked about a mark that they found out. It just screamed red flags and I found an alternative.

They had a whole management and staff overhaul and an immediate ofsted review but I didn't hang around to see how things improved. My kids were gaooy there, it just didn't sit right with me that I may not ve told if there had been an incident. The nursery the twins are in now is great and they keep us informed of every little thing 😂

A lot of nurseries also use an app now as well to update parents on what your child has been up to in the day which is always nice to see and reassuring that they are happy and comfortable. Always worth asking if any of the ones you're interested in do this.

Do you have a gym you can join with a creche. I did with my first born. You could pay for 1 hour or 2 hours. It was bliss sitting in the cafe drinking a coffee for an hour. However, if there was an issue the creche staff would come and get you (they never needed to).

Sounds stressful OP. I also had a clingy baby.

Mine went to nursery full time at this age as I went back to work - and was fine TBH. However, as other posters have said, one day a week may be more difficult for them to settle in.

Have you thought about looking for a nanny/mothers help? I found they often did ad hoc roles; and you can still have your baby relatively nearby, if that makes you feel more comfortable.

I used childcare.co.uk - but you may find women advertising on local parenting groups too.