To feel detached from my pregnancy

[Bibsandrepeat]

Hi, just wanted some advice from mums who have had two or more children as I'm really starting to worry.

I gave birth to my son 7 months ago after years of struggling to conceive so you can just imagine how much I absolutely adore this little boy! He is literally my happiness and I feel so blessed to have him.

However, just 10 weeks post partum I discovered I was pregnant again! Obviously my rational brain is very happy to be pregnant and I have always wanted two children, especially a boy and a girl and again I have been blessed to get this combination, but there's just something wrong with me and I can't connect to this pregnancy. I feel overwhelmed with guilt for my son, like I'm cheating on him almost and then at the same time I feel guilt for my soon to be baby girl that I won't love her enough. I guess some of the detachment comes from feeling weird being pregnant again so soon after giving birth as my son is still a baby himself.

Has anyone experienced this? Does it go away when the baby arrives? Or will I not love her the same way I love my son?

Thanks in advance for your advice and experiences!!

OP I literally felt the same! My gap was bigger (2 years) but I think it stemmed from feeling reallly bad for DC1 that this new little person was gonna no longer make us a family of 3 she knew and loved. I also found being pregnant with a toddler so exhausting, in comparison to my relaxed child free first pregnancy. But as soon as my son was born it was amazing, instant love and my DD adored him the second she laid eyes on him. That was 7 years ago and it’s so weird to think I ever felt that way! Speaking to friends on pregnancy no 2 I know many who felt the same.

Anyway congratulations - 2 under 1 you will have your work cut out but think how close they will be! Good luck to you

I felt the same. I loved my first so much I didn't think I could possibly love my second the same. I think a lot of women feel this way, and I completely get that detached feeling. As soon as the baby is born all those feelings go away. Your babies are so lucky to be so close in age.. I have 3 4 and under and they are all so close. The first couple of years will be tough but so worth it ❤️

I think feeling detached might be because you’re in new mama mode and enjoying that, with your first, the pregnancy is all consuming and exciting, reading about what’s happening at what week and wondering about so much. All that time you had for that is now for baby boy.
I have a huge gap between my two and it felt very weird, like I couldn’t love any child as much as my son, I felt guilty because my son had me and his grandparents for so long and baby girl only has me since my parents died. ultimately though you will love your baby girl just as much and it will be just as exciting when she’s here. I hope it all goes well for you!

I had a lot of weird feelings like this on and off, despite big gaps. Was even terrified sometimes that having another baby would in some way harm the existing ones.

You've got a lot of massive emotions and changes to process. Good to acknowledge them and think about where it's all coming from. But having feelings like this isn't in itself at all unusual or wrong.

Please get your vit b12 and vit d levels checked. I had similar feelings with my first - and was deficient in both .

And yes once my dd as skin side the feeling ebbed away.

Hi op I’m a bit further along than u my 2nd is now 20 months. I felt the same really even when he was born (he was in a NICU) so totally different birth experience to my firs too. It made me feel bad but then someone said you just have a different relationship with the second one. Now he’s a funny, clever little toddler and now my other one is in school I’m appreciating how special he is. Also 10 weeks, give yourself a break xx

I’ve said this on here before, but I literally barely have a thought to my (only) pregnancy throughout — I was desperate to try to finish a big, long-cherished project before I went on maternity leave and had a lot of complex stuff going on, so, other than keeping up with midwife appointments and scans, dealing with nausea and avoiding alcohol and caffeine, I just didn’t really think about my baby till he arrived. I don’t think that’s problematic.

Give it time, how far along are you? It takes a while to get your head round things.

My ds is a month old and for the first couple of weeks of his life I kept saying to myself (privately in my head) that I could never love him as much as my dd, because I know her whereas this baby is a "stranger". Actually this is really common I think. I'm slowly getting over it now I'm getting to know his little face.

Did you know, even in ancient roman times, they used to call babies, affectionately, "little strangers"? It's where the girl's name Barbara comes from, same route as "barbarian", from the Latin for "stranger". So even ancient Roman mums felt this way!

I felt like this in my second pregnancy (and I feel like it again in my third). I often forget I’m pregnant until I look down and see the bump!
I think it’s because in my first pregnancy all my focus was on the pregnancy and birth and I hadn’t done it before so I spent a lot of time reading about pregnancy/labour/newborns and choosing stuff for the baby. The second and third time my focus has also been on my older children and I already have all the stuff/have done the research/know what’s going to happen. I’m still happy to be pregnant and I’m looking forward to meeting my daughter but the connection/excitement is different to the first time around.
However, as soon as my second son was born I felt the same connection that I’d had with my first and I love him just as much. I have every confidence I’ll feel the same when my daughter arrives in May.