Marriage advice

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Please could anyone advice : 1 am 45 (F) married to my husband 45 (M) . We are together since 1996 just after school and in first year on university hence together since 27 year. We have 3 children and I still love him very much and thought till now that he also love me same. Today he went to his home country for 2 weeks and by mistake while working on his computer to do some legal work I found out that he is meeting prostitute in his home country. I found this chat not with one but with 3 of prostitute and my husband arranged with 1 to meet in hotel. I don't know what to do? I have stable job but we are together for so long that it make me anxious to leave him or confront him. Any advice? Do I confront him now or shall I wait for him to come back?

If I was in your position I would use the two weeks to get myself organised. See a solicitor, get the divorce proceedings started, sort out my finances, everything. All without saying a single word to him.

He has not only treated you with disrespect, shown a complete lack of care and love for you, but he's also risking your health. There's no way you could trust him moving forward.

I say this being in the process of splitting up with the father of my kids. There was no big cheating thing in our relationship. So I understand the panic of ending a relationship, but I move out next week and can not wait! I feel like a weight has been lifted even though I'm in the thick of it.

Please don't let any one treat you like that. Get rid of him.

Thanks so much for advice. I am feeling very sick. We both were considered the strongest couple in our group and with 3 children in mind not sure how will they react with this situation

Completely understand. I just keep repeating to myself that I don't want my kids to think this type of relationship is healthy and normal, I wouldn't want them in this type of relationship when they are an adult. I also keep thinking I'd rather they see me happy and single for the rest of my life than sad, defeated and miserable but in a relationship.

Really feel for you and sending strength your way!

I would be asking what sexually transmitted diseases have his exploits caused you to be exposed to. But make sure you change the locks before asking...

Cheating, of any kind (physical/emotional) is a hard line of mine. No second chances. I realize this is a personal boundary that not everyone shares, but if that were me, I would be gathering data (taking screenshots, printing evidence, documents), and using the time he is away to 'get my ducks' in order. Find a solicitor, start separating money, and get a plan in place before he comes back for divorce.

Thank you for all support. Last advice please: shall I wait for his return or wait till he is here. Honestly I am not good liar and he will notice something off from my voice 😥

Wait until you have sorted everything out then tell him you are over and he needs to find somewhere to live.

Make sure you have taken photos of all the evidence so he cannot deny it and that you have all your paperwork/ passports sorted.

The kids will survive - they will be fine. Please also get yourself checked dor STis just in case this isn’t the first time he has done it.

Number 1 priority is your health, get yourself checked for an STI.
Keep a record of his infidelity, don't let him downplay this. He cannot be trusted. He isn't the man you thought he was.

Contact a solicitor, take copies of banks statements, get passwords for accounts.
Put your passport and your children's passports somewhere safe.

Is there anyone you can speak with,a family member/friend that can support you?
How old.are your children? Are they adults?

they are 15,11 and 5.

As difficult as it may be don't say anything to him yet.
See your solicitor and get legal advice.

I’d take photos/print out all the messages you found too. You might need proof one day in the near future.