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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Volunteering - WWYD

25 replies

WizzardMum22 · 21/01/2024 16:19

bit of a long winded one!

I’ve been a Girlguiding volunteer since I was 18 (12 years now!) I started a unit in my hometown after uni as there wasn’t an open rainbows or brownie unit. 2 years later I moved for work which was around 50 mins away from the units. There was no one else to run them so I carried on as best I could as I felt this immense guilt if they ended up closing.

fast forward to now, I have 2 children. 1 is now 8 months and the other is 4 and started school September just gone.

I’ve been on ‘mat leave’ with the expectation I would return in the new year. They’re are now 2 other leaders who have been running the units and I’m now thinking that now might be the time for me to leave my role permanently. I’m just so sad to do it but trying to get there clashes with now school pick up time as it takes an hour now (house move) to get there. My DH wants me to what’s best for me and he knows I love it but also thinks that it’s time to stop. I feel bad missing the kids Dinner/bath/bed time too as it’s usually 8-8.30 before I’m back.

so my question is, AIBU to leave my volunteer role if it no longer works for me?

OP posts:

Richie23 · 21/01/2024 16:19

No, not at all unreasonable.

angelopal · 21/01/2024 16:21

Sounds like time to put your own kids first. Don't feel guilty.

Clarinet1 · 21/01/2024 16:23

Fellow Girlguiding volunteer here - it sounds as though the framework is there for the units to carry on without you and I’m sure everyone will understand that family comes first. You can always go back when your DC are older.

PonyPatter44 · 21/01/2024 16:23

Its not unreasonable at all. You've set up the units, which was great because you provided something for the community that wasnt there before, and they are in a good position without you anyway!

Step away for now and concentrate on your own family. You might well find that you are drawn back as your children get older and want to join the units themselves. If you find that you really really miss it, you can always go back, of course.

LittleRedY0shi · 21/01/2024 16:26

YANBU. You say you love it - how about starting a new unit in the area you now live? So you could carry on but without the commute and could presumably schedule it according to what would suit your life now?

ThinWomansBrain · 21/01/2024 16:26

you set the groups up, put a lot of time into it at a time of your life when that kind of volunteering would be the furthest thing from the minds of some young women.
With your "mat leave" you've seen the groups are flourishing - leave and be proud of what you've achieved.
Get involved with more local groups if/when it suits you - or let DC get involved and know that you're benefiting from pay back for your years of volunteering.

sharptoothlemonshark · 21/01/2024 16:26

sounds like you have done more than your fair share!

regenerate · 21/01/2024 16:27

you started it
you have dedicated 12 years of your life to it
you love it

why can’t you come leave the door wide open and join for trips, residentials, christmas etc… basically keep a presence and the. when you can… you return

regenerate · 21/01/2024 16:28

Are you saying it’s now a 2 hour round trip?

budgiegirl · 21/01/2024 16:29

Of course you are not unreasonable, you must do what works best for you and your family.

But if you love it, could you come to a compromise, and attend every other week, or whatever would suit you? We have a cub leader who does shift work so only attends when his shifts allow. Or could you find a more local unit and help out there when you can?

But if this isn't possible, then walk away with no guilt. You can always come back to it when your kids are older if you choose to.

MrsAvocet · 21/01/2024 16:30

It is difficult but no, you're not at all unreasonable. I would quite like to reduce my volunteering commitments (sport, not Guiding) when my youngest goes to University next year. The lure of being able to go on holiday etc whenever we fancy is quite strong, but we don't have enough volunteers at the club so if I'm not there at least one age group has to be cancelled and then I feel guilty so I change my plans...
I've put a lot into it over the years so don't want to see if fail but at the same time I feel I have have done my bit! And I would miss parts of it too. So I understand how you are feeling. But given the change in your circumstances and the fact they have other leaders in place I would step down if that's what you want to do. Nothing to stop you joining anothet group nearer home at a later date is there?

lorn195 · 21/01/2024 16:30

@WizzardMum22 not unreasonable at all.

Ex-Guider here of 23 years. Did Brownies and Rangers with 2 children and also lived 11 miles away from the units. No problem at all, but it was hard!

Then we moved closer due to schools and took over a Brownie unit in a village 10 mins away. Carried on running the unit with a full time job but it got harder and harder as I spent most of my weekends planning for the Brownies or out at Guider activities and couldn't spend quality time with my family.

I realised I had to give it up because of the boys (who were growing up) doing a lot of extra curricular activities and my husband and I were like ships in the night.

Unfortunately the unit had to close as they couldn't find anyone to take over, but it was the best thing I ever did as it meant I didn't miss out on quality family time.

Shouldgetupearlier · 21/01/2024 16:31

I think more people would be surprised if you returned to the role, than if you left it.
Set Up/join a local one if you want to.

ConflictedCheetah · 21/01/2024 16:32

I always feel that work, family and hobbies/personal lives are marathons, not sprints. You can't be pushing them all forward at full speed all the time. You had a stint where you could afford to devote a lot of time to your volunteering and did something wonderful while you did. Right now, you have tiny kids and you need to slow something else down to focus on them. The balance of your life will shift again some day but you don't owe them anymore right now. You gave everything you could then but you don't have it to give now. No guilt!

Dixiechickonhols · 21/01/2024 16:37

I’m a guide leader. I enjoy it but I wouldn’t do it with that commute. I’d leave your old units and maybe look at volunteering again locally when your circumstances allow.
They are desperate for volunteers so if you want to return you can at any stage.

siestaingsnake · 21/01/2024 16:49

Guider here, I think its ok for you to take stock and do what is best for your family. If you feel you would miss the community could you take a remote role like finance or admin for the unit or help at district, division, county level?

MrsBigTed · 21/01/2024 16:58

I was in your position 2 years ago. I decided to finish, and my unit did close. I felt sad, but my commissioner reminded me it's not my fault there's noone else to run it. A volunteer has since been found, and the group reopened. I've got a bit more time, and now help the division with admin, event bookings etc.

rwalker · 21/01/2024 17:15

Stick with it but scale it back it’s been a big factor and you’d miss it
There’s no need to commit to every week
i m sure the other leaders would be very grateful of the offer as if they need time off or anything you can step in

plus you DH will get some solo parenting which is beneficial all around and not a dig about pulling his weight .it’s nice when it’s just you on your own with them

PuttingDownRoots · 21/01/2024 17:22

Not unreasonable.
I do Scouts not Guides but everyone was very supportive of me moving groups when we moved a similar distance. DH has been a leader at 8 different groups around the world, I've done 4.

Your own child is now Squirrel/Rainbow age (sex dependent) so it might be time to concentrate on their journey... including a new leader roe if that's what you want.

FinallyHere · 21/01/2024 17:28

so my question is, AIBU to leave my volunteer role if it no longer works for me?

My question is, why is this even a question for you ?

It no longer suits you, in fact it hasn't suited you for some time. Stop for a while. You can always start again if things change in the future.

NewName24 · 21/01/2024 17:41

Of course YANBU to stop at whatever point you like.

If you love it so much though, why not volunteer at a Unit nearer where you now live ?

Hankunamatata · 21/01/2024 17:54

An hour there and and hour back nope form me.
Is there a nearer unit you could transfer to?

Rocketpants50 · 21/01/2024 17:59

I think you have given your time and sounds like you have been a wonderful leader. Maybe it's time to move on but you sound like you would miss it. How about finding a local unit? Do you have girls? Would be great for them when they are older to join you.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 21/01/2024 18:10

Do they have any events you can help at on a more ad hoc basis? So you can stay involved but have the option of saying no if needed.

Original poster

WizzardMum22 · 21/01/2024 19:01

Thank you everyone for your wonderful replies.

I think I know the right answer is to now take a step back. I think the pang of guilt I feel is that it was such a huge part of my identity and closing a door on something I’m really proud of is hard when I set it up and it’s now a really successful unit. I think my heart would do it forever but my head knows what’s sensible!

I would like to keep the door open to be able to help occasionally or for trips (childcare dependent of course!) and I’d love to find a unit closer to home when I’m ready for the commitment of volunteering. My eldest is currently in squirrels so that might be a route to go down too.

Thank you for all the advice xx

OP posts:

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