To not visit my dad in hospital today?

[posibler]

My dad was admitted to ICU on New Year's Eve and was a very unwell man. We have a complicated relationship and he has never taken care of himself properly and has addiction issues. He can also be just a bit of a prick at times.

Anyways he made a complete turn around and was moved to a normal ward on Wednesday.

I have been up to the hospital visiting him more or less every single day, sometimes twice. The hospital is a 30 minute drive from me. Now on top of this, I am a single mum, I am on a full time placement as doing a masters course, I work 2 late nights a week, and have two dogs. But I went because I thought he might die and I didn't want him to be alone and wanted to provide comfort.

Now he is in a normal ward and talking and eating again he is making constant demands and seems to have no appreciation for the amount of running about im doing. He is sending me to his house to pick things up, sending me to the shop with lists of things to get him then last night when I was visiting he requested I make him mashed potato and bring it up to him!!! He also requested I take some of his clothes home and wash them for him.

I have just received a voicemail from him complaining that the tops I brought him had stains on them. These were tops I collected out of his drawer at his house, also who the fuck cares, he's in hospital? So he has requested that I take him more tops, more jumpers, he has finished the 3 bottles of lucozade I took him yesterday at 5 pm and the 12 packets of wotsits and wants more.

It's really got my back up and I have enough to do today than running around after him. But I feel incredible guilt because I was praying when he was in icu that he pulls through and I will be nicer to him.

I just don't want to go to the hospital and visit today. I feel like just making up an excuse but am I being unreasonable? There's never any thanks. I need to get myself and daughter organised for the week and it'll take about 2 hours out of my Sunday by time I drive there and back and the actual visit.

"Sorry, I'm not available now until Wednesday, I'm sure the shirts are clean enough for bed rest. I'll speak to you soon. "

Yes, exactly what the first poster said above.

Sounds like you’re doing plenty!

Just because someone is in hospital doesn’t mean you have to be their gopher. It is frustrating being in hospital without access to your normal things, but he’s not your priority, you and your child are your priority.

YANBU. You need to take care of yourself as well as of him, and to establish a schedule of visits that works for you as well as for him. He is probably feeling very vulnerable, and I would try to help him out by making clear when you are able to visit, and what you are able to do to help.

I think that requests to wash clothes, pick up a few things from the shops and for a bit of home-cooked food (within reason) are normal for someone who is hospitalised for more than a few days and can't access any of those themselves. Having been in hospital once for a month myself, all of these were game-changers. But it's not reasonable to expect these things EVERY DAY. It also sounds like he might just need a bit of company/attention having been through a tough and difficult time. I wonder whether you could see if the hospital has volunteers who might also visit him.

First post sums it up.

tell him you can now only visit on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Don’t give reasons just state it as fact and stick to it.

It's kind of you to step up but now he's taking the piss Op. He's getting a bit too used to you running after him now and it will get worse when he leaves hospital unless you put your foot down. If you had a better relationship my answer would be very different but it sounds like his addictions come first so don't feel guilty