To cut my friend off due to her behavior

[MacDmiz]

I don't want to make this too outing but will try add as much detail as possible.
I have been friends with this girl since we started an apprenticeship at a big company seven years ago now. Where we've both remained at the business.
Her boyfriend who worked there became her fiance, they bought a house and booked their wedding, which I was a part of. One day she came to me upset, almost of the blue saying she was to leave him because he kept being verbally abusive to her and she didn't love him anymore. I supported her unconditionally and allowed her to stay with me until they sorted the selling of their property etc.
Whilst staying with me she told me she liked the look of someone else at work, but he was with a girl and had a baby? I told her it was wrong. I later heard she'd tried to message him multiple times. I never said anything to her but it made me questions her morals.
She is an attractive girl and got a lot of attention so the gossip that she was trying to message multiple guys throughout the business was everywhere. She eventually ended up in a relationship with a guy who works alongside us and they were happy, lots of holidays, she bought her own house she couldn't stop praising him enough to me and I equally thought he was lovely. He also played a sport with my fiance and we went on lots of double dates etc.
Until recently she confided in me she had been messaging a married, older, manager. I was in shock I told her she needed to stop.
This manager left his wife, next thing her boyfriend has found out (believe he went through her phone) I actually find out she has been sleeping with him. She never told me this, my fiance did.
I confronted her and she insists they hadn't slept with each other until he had moved out of his marital home. As you can imagine they're the talk of the place, she has insisted she had major problems in her relationship and he was controlling. I really want to distance myself from her and her behavior, I feel so sorry for managers wife my DM went through something similar, but at the same time should I be judging her when I'm meant to be her closest friend. I would miss her a lot.

I think your gut is telling you that your friend has very different values from you.

I would probably distance myself a little as she doesn’t seem very trustworthy.

YANBU

Do you really want this kind of drama in your life?

Run for the hills. It's a pattern of behaviour that is likely to repeat itself again and again.

I would also be wondering if my partner was on her horizon.

You work together, so hard to avoid completely, but you could find yourself busy if she tries to arrange anything.

I think it’s important to figure out where your line is. I think if someone makes a mistake, or has genuine issues, then of course, be a supportive and unjudgemental friend. However, I don’t want to be friends with someone who is dishonest and is lacking good values.

I have lost a friend due to this. She was ( is!) married, and ended up having a big crush on her bandmate. She was really inappropriate with this chap, and then was angry when he put boundaries in place to distance himself.
In public, she liked to go on and on about how in love her and her husband were. Then she started making judgmental comments about my relationships. Enough. I’m still sad about it though

You don’t like her. She has completely different values to you, and she behaves in a way you find abhorrent. Of course it wouldn’t be unreasonable to cut her off.

You can still be friends with someone, even if you don't agree with some of their life choices. She obviously cares about what you think as she went out of her way to share that she didn't sleep with the married man before he left his wife.

I wouldn't stop being friends with someone just because they have a messy love life. People fall for others who are attached all the time. "morally', not great. But we are talking human beings, sexual desire etc. If her antics with men can be separated from her as a friend to you then good, but if they can't then I guess keep your distance. It is probably a sign of insecurity on her part, chasing these blokes. She may well need your support more than ever.

I doubt she’d have any hesitation in tapping your fiancé up if she decided she fancied him.

She has very different values to you (and other decent people).

She's the subject of much gossip where you both work, and if you are known to be her close friend, people may assume you support her behaviour and wonder about your values too.

She has poor judgement/boundaries, and is selfish, and this rarely applies to only one part of someone's life.

I also couldn't trust her not to decide next time that it's your marriage she will target.

She's not a very nice person.

True

You might feel differently if she went after your partner.

I'd be pulling back for sure. Seven years isn't lifelong friends, especially when it's work-related. It's too messy mixing all this with your workplace dynamics and I'm another one who'd be wary of her going for your fiance as she clearly has no line she won't cross. Course it's been the guy's choice in each case, but I'd take a dim view of them too. If you wanted to stay friends, I'd probably look to work elsewhere, but maybe the friendship would fade then anyway.

Whilst ending a friendship can be painful, sometimes it is the right thing to do.

I was just about to suggest that the OP lock up her fiance.

I couldn't be friends with someone like this. She is not trustworthy, and has no regard for others. I'd be looking to fade away as quickly as possible without any confrontation she could then use against you to claim you're a bully, because that does sound like the sort of thing she'd do

@Lolalovesroses

what you call 'share', I call blatantly lie...

Wow, she's on heat.

I wouldn't be happy if a friend did that but it's up to you, really.

She's totally unstable and irresponsible and you don't need her drama and líes.

There's your answer

Personally i couldnt be friends with someone i didnt respect and i dont respect people like that.

When you know better you do better. And similarly when you know more about a person you make better choices about whether they are good people or not. She is unethical and careless. She isn’t a safe frit.

@MacDmiz

I have friends who have had affairs. I support them in that I listen to them, I empathise with situations they find upsetting (even when they're completely predictable & when the affair ends etc). Whilst reminding them that the bloke is married & it's not right to be doing it.

HOWEVER, for me, the difference here are that my friends don't lie to me & they don't 'target' a bloke. They haven't said 'no' when they should have, but they haven't deliberately gone out to 'get a certain bloke they know is married/with someone.

all except for one it has changed how I feel about them though.

id 'drop' your friend in a heartbeat. She's a lying, relationship wrecker.

(nothing to do with being worried about my partner. That's on him. Plus he knows all this about her, so if he went with her I'd also consider him too stupid to be with!)

Major problems in her relationship? Sounds more like she has major problems keeping her legs shut. It probably won't be much longer before you find out she's been trying it on with your fiancé.

She sounds awful and I wouldn't even trust her not to go for your fiance or do wrong by you. She sounds morally bankrupt.

You obviously don't agree with her behaviour. You told her this and she ignored you. YWNBU to end it.

I would distance myself from her. She isn't someone I'd want to be associated with professionally or socially.