Asking for my opinion on what to do, then discounting it?

[Abeona]

We currently have someone staying with us for a few weeks. On the whole we get on well. But the one thing that drives me up the wall is her seemingly daily requests for my opinion on things going on in her life, which she then discounts immediately with an explanation of why I don't understand etc...

Today, someone in a professional, quite influential WA group she belongs to queried something she'd said in a post in a way that questions my guest's knowledge and experience. It's a patronising response and my guest is quite justified in feeling stung. The person being patronising had got the wrong end of the stick. I read through and confirmed that they'd misunderstood what she'd said. She asked what I'd do and I suggested responding in a 'I think perhaps there's been a misunderstanding here' kind of way. Diplomacy is required because some of the people on the thread are quite influential in my guests' professional field.

She just said no, that wasn't the right way of approaching it. So yet again my well-intentioned input has been turned down because I don't understand the full implications of the situation and there must be a better way. She then wanted to talk through several options involving getting others on the thread to step in an intervene on her behalf and whether that would be a good strategy or might backfire. 15 minutes later she was still sitting across the table assuming I'd listen and be involved in her drama and still wanting my opinion — even though nothing I suggest has ever been helpful.

Would it be unreasonable of me next time this happens and she approaches me and says 'Something's come up, can I run it past you?' to say no. Would it be unreasonable of me to say why (because I feel that there's something vaguely abusive about constantly asking me to listen and comment and then discarding my input) or do I just fudge it and say I don't have time and mental energy? She is due to be staying with us for another fortnight and things will be difficult if we fall out. I'll try not to instantly discount any of your ideas!

She then wanted to talk through several options

At this point you need to say “I’ve already told you what I think needs to be done- other than that I’m out of ideas I’m afraid” and leave the room.

Next time she asks, I would let her ask, but I wouldn’t bother advising. Just flip it back on her and ask her what she thinks she should do. Just respond non-responses like “mmm”. Then be busy doing something elsewhere. She’ll stop asking.

Thanks, that's eminently sensible. I've tried not being interested and going off to do the washing up or something, but she tends to follow and talk at me. I think the trick is in not getting hooked and just being able to go 'Mmmmmm' while not really listening.

You got yourself an askhole there !
I agree with above advice. Flip it back on her about what she thinks she should do . She only likes her own ideas, so that's what she gets

I like askhole. She's an interesting woman who works at a high level with a lot of other interesting people, so often the kind of issues that arise are intriguing and hook me in.

I do understand the need for a sounding board and there have been times in my life when I've used occasionally used others in that way — mainly to confirm that I'm on the right track but to see if they have any better ideas. But I'm pretty sure when I've rejected their input I've done so more sensitively, or told them they've come up with some good ideas even if mentally discounting them.