"You don't usually look sexy" - DH "complimen'

[Allwelcone]

Home from a party last night where I had glammed up in a dress i wouldn't have chosen but had v limited choice for various reasons
Low cut and clingy, heels which were agony towards the end of the evening, hair make up jewelery etc all there

Later at home he was all over me and said the above . I laughed and asked him to say ot again by which tome he realised how clumsy he'd been.
I usually wear jeans and a baggy jumper, in summer theres a bit more skin on show obviously. At work I am careful to look friendly but professional
How should I feel? Complimented or mildly insulted that I don't look sexy everyday? Is that even possible? I'm late 40's fgds.

The comment was about him really and reflects that he was attracted by you in a glamourous outfit which showed off your figure.
Perhaps you are normally beautiful to him but last night were more obviously ‘sexy’. I wouldn’t make a deal of the comment.

It’s a clumsy compliment 😀.
My DH once said to me you look lovely today. I looked down at my jegging and trainers combo and said no I don’t I look scruffy.
He replied….. I meant your head!! 😂

Yeah thanks both. Jist wondering whether I should up my game. Sigh. CBA really iykwim. I do colour my hair, wear some make up, try and stay fit etc but i don't choose my everyday clothes that carefully. Bit torn.
How the f people look sexy in jeans in a muddy winter?

DH has rarely commented on my appearance in over 50 years. But if he says I look ‘nice’ I know I’ve hit the jackpot and on the rare occasion when he doesn’t like something, it goes in the bin. I have found that he finds me sexy in a dressing, with rollers in my hair and the sniffles. It’s called love.

@Rocknrollstar that's lovely.. I know what you mean, I do think he loves me.really, I guess I was put of my comfort zone with what I was wearing, and surprised.

Jist wondering whether I should up my game.

Well, when was the last time you both made a effort for each other, dressed up and went out somewhere nice?

It's important to make sure you're (both!) keeping up the effort in long term relationships.

Don't over think it.

It sounds like the novelty was what appealed to him, and the very obvious "this is a "sexy" look" cues. Which is fine, but presumably it would be inappropriate to dress in that way every day.

If you want to use it as a wake up call to be more groomed and dress more interestingly on a day to day basis for your own self-image/enjoyment, then feel free but I'd be surprised if it had much effect on DH.

If you tried to look “sexy” every day, it wouldn’t mean anything and it would just become the new normal. It’s actually better if you rough it most of the time and then put in an effort on special occasions as it’s easier for you and more likely to surprise and delight your fella.

It was a clumsy compliment, and I can understand why you'd take some offense to it.

I don't think he's suggesting you should dress sexy more often, though. It seems to me that you're jumping to that interpretation. No reasonable man expects his partner to look sexy in day to day life, and sexiness is just one aspect of physical attraction. I don't think what he's said means he doesn't find you attractive normally.

If it's still weighing on you, I think you should talk to him about it. He's already admitted it was clumsy, but perhaps you need a chance to express why you found it hurtful so you know he understands, and it sounds like you need some reassurance from him.

I chose YABU to mean it would be unreasonable to feel insulted as, to me, it sounds like extra appreciation in the moment for a special occasion look.

But if you meant it as a poll on whether your day to day approach is BU then imo YANBU.

I agree with pp that it wouldn't have same impact if it was your everyday.

It doesn't necessarily need to remain a one-off either though, if the only discomfort you felt was the physical one of the shoes. I'd probably now be already working out what occasion I'd wear it for next 😂, probably an occasion for 2 with minimal walking or standing around.

And for his birthday.

And MY birthday if I had especially enjoyed where things went after that.

Rather than taking it as potential criticism of my usual look, I'd be thinking great, we've found something new, we can have fun with again.

I think you knew that you looked sexy (or more so than usual) in that outfit as you made an effort, and he was appreciating that effort. Very clumsy phrasing though. I certainly wouldn't take it as a bad insult, and nor would I take it that I should glam up every day. Just know that when you do he does appreciate it. You could say "if you took me out more often than I can dress up like this more'. Or you could make a joke about his appearance and tell him to glam up himself. Keep it lighthearted, I don't think there's any major worry here.

But you don't usually look sexy if you only ever wear jeans and a baggy jumper. You may look beautiful, healthy, well, or whatever, but that isn't a sexy look.

Men are visual creatures, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t think you look beautiful in normal life, just that he’d noticed you looked extra ‘sexy’ when you were all done up. Take it on face value OP, he thought you looked especially hot. Maybe wear that outfit next date night ;)

Thank you fpr those answers you've set my mind at rest!
I could do with a slight winter upgrade of more than jeans+jumper I guess.

Only if you fancy upgrading them for yourself.

Your husband's comment doesn't seem to suggest any need to.

One poster says they'd use a different word to "sexy" for the jeans/jumper outfit but doesn't seem to be suggesting they aren't good enough.

That just leaves one person saying couples need to make an effort for each other. But even that post seems to just be saying it's good to dress up for each sometimes.

If you are happy with your choices and wouldn't have wanted to upgrade them without DH's comment last night then I'd suggest don't fix your system that seems to be not broken?

Other than of course use that outfit again sometime.