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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How much work is too much for a teen

24 replies

SwissRolling · 21/01/2024 04:12

DD is 16, in Y12.
In the summer she got a job in a local cafe, just Sundays 10am-4pm, 8.50 an hour. She got all 8s/9s in her GCSEs so in her chosen A-Level subjects and maths her teacher suggested she starts tutoring so she does, £25 an hour, currently she gets home Sunday at 4.30, chills for a little, then goes out and tutors from 6-8, home eats, and all that then chats to her boyfriend in the phone for a while and sleeps around 11. On a Tuesday she tutors from 5-6 and again 6-7. She also plays tennis, so some time a week is spent on tennis and obviously studying etc.
Saturdays she mainly spends with her boyfriend or boyfriend and friends, but she does try to get studying in too. Then in the week she studies one night per subject (Monday, Wednesday, Thursday) on top of any daily home work/reading.
She's studying English Lit, French and History at A-Level (wants to study law).

Now DD has been offered another 2 hours tutoring in French (her best subject by far, she's effectively fluent), she says she thinks she can fit it in. I think 10 hours work, socialising, tennis, school and studying is already a lot. I've suggested if she wanted she could give up the cafe job, just tutor. She plays piano too and I have some friends with younger kids who would pay her to tutor piano, or even tennis. She's worried that she won't make anything in summer as no one goes to lessons then, where as the cafe would probably offer extra hours.
DD loves making money so it's hard to negotiate this with her.

AIBU to think she's already doing too much and something needs to be dropped?
She doesn't spend much of her money but is saving pretty hard for things she wants.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 21/01/2024 05:33

I think you should back off. This really is nothing to do with you?

Your dd is clearly on target to meet her educational goals and is living life how she sees fit

Noicant · 21/01/2024 05:40

Your DD has an amazing work ethic, you should be really proud.

If it were me I’d give one warning about burnout and making sure her grades don’t slip (basically a “it’s fine to drop something if you start losing a work life balance or it affects sleep/eating well”) and then let her crack on. It is quite a lot and a busy schedule but some people thrive on that and some people need more downtime.

PickledPurplePickle · 21/01/2024 05:50

She’ll work out herself what’s right for her

well done to her - she sounds amazing

GreyhpundGirl · 21/01/2024 07:18

It sounds like she's got her head screwed on so just let her crack on. Just occasionally check in with her about her commitments.

Blahblah34 · 21/01/2024 07:19

She'll be fine, let her crack on

ChocoChocoLatte · 21/01/2024 07:20

All of mine have a similar work ethic and work to earn. DD1 currently putting herself through Uni having travelled for a year prior. All paid for by herself.

I’d let her do it but ensure she knows if it becomes too much she has options to step back.

what a great lass you have!

DustyLee123 · 21/01/2024 07:22

It’s not too much,I was doing two evenings plus Saturday and Sunday at that age.

MyBigFatGreekSalad · 21/01/2024 07:23

I'd say she's older enough to leave to her to it. You should be extremely proud though, most teenagers that age are out partying every weekend so she sounds like she's got her head screwed on!

Sammysquiz · 21/01/2024 08:21

She sounds amazing. Leave her to it - if it all gets too much she can drop something.

ScarlettDarling · 21/01/2024 08:26

I think what she’s doing is fine but would be reluctant for her to do any more. My dd does two four hour shifts a week at her part time job and I think that’s more than enough with the amount of studying and socialising she does.
A great work ethic is brilliant but her studies need to come first and you don’t want her stretching herself too thin.

NuffSaidSam · 21/01/2024 08:30

Let her give it a try and find out for herself if it's too much. She's old enough and by the sound of it driven/sensible enough to learn from her own mistakes.

But lots of people do need tutors over the summer so she shouldn't worry about that!

Octavia64 · 21/01/2024 08:32

As long as she isn't tired I'd let her crack on.

Keep an eye on grades though.

Pottedpalm · 21/01/2024 08:33

She can earn much more from the tutoring; I would suggest she does that and pick up cafe work again when exams are over in summer.

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 21/01/2024 08:37

My daughter is contracted to 8 hours a week. She finds anything up to about 11 hours ok. Before Xmas it was 13/14 and she found that was too much - she felt she had no time.

We were going to speak to them but luckily after Xmas it dropped back down anyway.

Sallyingon · 21/01/2024 08:39

Mine is the same age and does 12 hours. Two six hour shifts from 4-10pm. At the moment he is coping well and likes the money but I also think it is a lot. I have in the back of my mind that he may want a change in the summer - get a summer job with quite a few hours then not work at all next academic year...

CurlewKate · 21/01/2024 09:21

@SwissRolling
To be honest, I'd be a bit worried about my 16 year old being paid £25 for tutoring-what happens if her tutees don't do well? Does she have a DBS? Insurance? Does she go to their houses?

sleepwellifyoucan · 21/01/2024 09:24

My DS is also in year 12 and does similar with a part time job of 8-12 hours a week, 4 a-levels, a sporting hobby and 2 evenings of volunteering a week. I am worried about him burning himself out but he is determined to try and balance it all and seems to be managing at the moment. Just keep an eye out for any issues or grades dropping and address that if it happens.

Makeitmakesensetoday · 21/01/2024 09:28

CurlewKate · 21/01/2024 09:21

@SwissRolling
To be honest, I'd be a bit worried about my 16 year old being paid £25 for tutoring-what happens if her tutees don't do well? Does she have a DBS? Insurance? Does she go to their houses?

Yeah i was thinking similar

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 21/01/2024 09:32

She sounds brilliant and already has an impressive CV.

From 16-18 when I left for uni I worked every afternoon after school in a shop 3.30-6.30, all day Saturday and all through the holidays.

I enjoyed it, like I've enjoyed every job I've ever had.

If she's happy, let her get on with it. She'll be first in line for any placements/uni jobs as she's got a proven work ethic and experience.

Bothcarers · 21/01/2024 09:35

£8.50 ph is amazing for a 16 yr old that’s way above min wage for 16/17!yr olds !

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 21/01/2024 10:39

Bothcarers · 21/01/2024 09:35

£8.50 ph is amazing for a 16 yr old that’s way above min wage for 16/17!yr olds !

My daughter gets £11.50 - she has the envy of many of them I think!

CurlewKate · 21/01/2024 12:12

@SwissRolling Seriously, do check the details of your DD's tutoring- it sounds really worrying to me.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 21/01/2024 12:21

That sounds a lot to me, my 17yo dd works 10-4 on a Sunday and that's enough tbh.

During the week she's at college, she has a fair bit of studying to do and sees her friends.

They need time to relax as well.

SwissRolling · 21/01/2024 12:36

CurlewKate · 21/01/2024 12:12

@SwissRolling Seriously, do check the details of your DD's tutoring- it sounds really worrying to me.

What is there to check?
It's relatively common around here for A-Level students to tutor GCSE students, in fact GCSE students often tutor Y5/6 11+ students too?
DD goes to their home usually, and works in a communal area where the parents can decide whether she is good enough I suppose, if they aren't happy they wouldn't pay her or ask her to come back?

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