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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to wonder what dh problem is

14 replies

followmefollowme · 20/01/2024 23:39

Hey

Dh has this annoying habit of following me around and asking what I'm doing.
If this was it I might not be so bothered but when he asks what I'm doing it's always in an accusing tone or quite abrupt like he is catching me up to no good.

I decided to have a long bath this morning as dc were busy and we had no plans. After about 15 minutes he comes in the bathroom and abruptly asked what I'm doing. I didn't lock the door as dc sometimes needs to come in. I just sighed and told him I'm having a party obviously.

I was then doing my hair and he is wandering around the bedroom staring into space. He again asked me what I was doing and when I said doing my hair he kept commenting on how long it took.

I was playing with dc earlier and again he was wandering around the house and when I went to wash my hands he was stood near the sink and asked what I was doing.

I wondered if he was bored or wanted to spend time with me so invited him to join us. That lasted 5 minutes until he was bored and wandered off to watch sport.

Even if he has been completely occupied doing his own thing for ages, if I go upstairs or into the kitchen, if I'm not back within a few seconds he follows me to ask what I'm doing.

I got annoyed today because I am in pain with a long term condition I have and was wanting some privacy to do my treatment. He came in the room quite abruptly and used the annoyed tone he used to question me as if I was doing something wrong. I asked him what his problem was and he got all defensive and acted hurt.

He's not controlling in any way and is actually the opposite. He's normally very mild and decent.

It's really getting on my nerves because between him and the dc I don't get a minutes privacy. Plus it feels like he thinks I am up to no good or that I should be doing something else.

He does his own thing and is often busy so it's not as if he can't occupy himself or he is left to look after dc alone for hours or anything.

Aibu to wonder what he wants?

OP posts:
sprigatito · 20/01/2024 23:42

If he's usually decent, I would just ask him bluntly. "DH, you've had ants in your pants all day. You keep following me around like an over-large wasp asking meaningless questions. What is the matter?"

HardcoreLadyType · 20/01/2024 23:42

This is just weird.

When he asks, just always say, “you can see what I’m doing”. Hopefully he’ll stop asking.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/01/2024 23:42

He sounds absolutely fucking insufferable. Stop living like this.

Theoldbird · 20/01/2024 23:44

Ask him what he THINKS you're doing. Every time.

followmefollowme · 20/01/2024 23:45

Sometimes I do say "what do you think I'm doing dh"? And he just acts as if I'm being rude.
When I had a go earlier due to being in pain he then offered to help me with my treatment. I just told him to go away please.

OP posts:
noooooooo · 20/01/2024 23:49

Has he got anxiety?

HardcoreLadyType · 20/01/2024 23:50

followmefollowme · 20/01/2024 23:45

Sometimes I do say "what do you think I'm doing dh"? And he just acts as if I'm being rude.
When I had a go earlier due to being in pain he then offered to help me with my treatment. I just told him to go away please.

Okay, so maybe that’s a bit abrupt. Perhaps say in a vague little voice, “I don’t really know…” Say it every time.

(DH used to ask me where his car keys were, or his phone, or whatever. I started saying “lost!” In a sad little voice. He doesn’t ask me anymore.)

followmefollowme · 20/01/2024 23:54

No he definitely doesn't have anxiety. Apart from this he is the most laid back person. He wasn't always like this. It's as he has gotten older. He does the wandering and staring into space a lot too. He's not poorly or getting dementia or anything as he is not that old. He's just annoying

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 21/01/2024 00:03

Is he just really bored? Can't you give him a nice big job to do?

Meadowfinch · 21/01/2024 00:09

I think @determinedtomakethiswork has it right, he's bored and at a loose end. I'd give him more to do.

Surely the garage needs clearing or stuff needs taking to the tip. Grass needs cutting or car needs cleaning? 😄

NaughtybutNice77 · 21/01/2024 00:13

This is abnormal/weird behaviour and something I'd find unacceptable. I'd do 2 things for starters. At a neutral time I'd ask him why he keeps following/interrogating you for no reason. He'll likely say he doesn't do this. Ask him if he's happy for you to point it out next time and if he does do it he'll agree to stop.
2ndly, that's exactly what I'd do...point it out. Don't explain what you're doing. Next time he bothers you ask him why he needs to know what you're doing, then in the absence of a good explanation respond "We've talked about this and how I find it smothering/controlling/weird/unnecessary. You agreed to not do it. Stop".
If it continues suggest therapy...last resort separation.

LifeExperience · 21/01/2024 00:14

followmefollowme · 20/01/2024 23:54

No he definitely doesn't have anxiety. Apart from this he is the most laid back person. He wasn't always like this. It's as he has gotten older. He does the wandering and staring into space a lot too. He's not poorly or getting dementia or anything as he is not that old. He's just annoying

The wandering and staring into space would concern me. Repetitive questioning, too. There is such a thing as early-onset dementia. I'm not trying to alarm you, but please get him to visit his GP.

BobbyBiscuits · 21/01/2024 16:05

He sounds like he needs a hobby. Most men in my experience could not give a flying stuff what we or kids are doing, unless they are asking us for something specific. Haha. harsh but true. I'd respond with "what are YOU doing?' (invariably nothing no doubt but skulking about) If he's bored tell him to do some cleaning or DIY. This sounds mad but even tell him to do more gaming, or go to the pub. Get into football or some other sport. Just get out from under my feet man!! haha.

followmefollowme · 22/01/2024 09:10

@BobbyBiscuits your probably right and made me laugh. The people in this house must think I'm very interesting haha

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