Giving daughter ultimatum

[bloomingbonkerz]

Name changed for this
My daughter has been with her partner 5 years has a beautiful little girl but her partner is at times vile to her he is emotionally abusive to her this has been going on for almost the whole Relationship (he’s an alcoholic and a gambler) he ruins every nice moment for her the birth of their child all birthdays etc etc I can’t make her see sense to leave him permanently (she comes and stays for a while till he cools off then returns) he's destroying her confidence she is confident in herself (her job requires it) she’s a fantastic mum but as a mum it’s killing me seeing her confidence slip away how do I make her see she is worth so much more or wait for her to come to her senses? She feels guilty that she is leaving him.
i have told her enough is enough she needs to end it it can’t carry on I want to punch his lights out but wouldn’t solve anything

Hard as it is to hear, I think she needs to come to the realisation for herself. It’s hard to bite your tongue I know, but anything you say may come across as pressure and it sounds like she has enough at home. She’ll come to a point where she’s going to stop feeling guilty etc, where she’ll realise he’s not very nice for herself. Be patient, be there with listening ears and hugs. She knows you’re there for her I’m sure ❤️

Ask her if her daughter chooses a man like this would she be happy. Ask her how will her daughter make better choices when her own mother is setting the example for her. As harsh as it is she needs to be faced with those difficult questions because she needs to take responsibility for her part in damaging her daughter's childhood.

Could she afford to go to therapy or could you afford to pay it for her?

Your adding to her stress and pressure which will not help her even if your reasons are right.

It's awful but you can't give her an ultimatum, that makes you the unreasonable one and pushes her closer to him. Keep communication open, show her you live her, make sure she knows if she ever wants to leave you'll make that happen. Part of his game is isolating her from her family so if you give her an ultimatum you're playing into his hands.

Totally understand your exasperation but unfortunately it's one of those scenarios where you can't force anyone's hand.

You can't make her see anything. All you can do is support her until she realises herself. It's not clear what the ultimatum is?

As much as it's awful to watch all you will do is lose her. Be there for her, have the bed made up, be ready for the day she finally leaves him. Only she can make the decision on when to leave.

Thanks everyone for your messages I appreciate it so bloody hard to step back I know she’s scared of losing her home that she’s worked so hard for and he’s basically sponged off her and used his cash for drink/drugs
I have said how would you feel if *** was to meet someone like her dad in the future and she was in agreement that she would despise it best to sit tight and wait as my husband (her dad) as said when u see her a shadow of her former self

Should SS not be informed for the child's sake?
She is choosing to stay.
That poor baby doesn't have such a luxury.
At a certain point the baby becomes more important than her.