Not told new employer my mum has terminal cancer

[toomanyworries]

I started a new job a few weeks ago in a school, that is pretty short staffed. They are currently recruiting additional staff members so hopefully this soon improves.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer in August and has been given a terminal diagnosis - she could potentially live on for a year but that is incredibly optimistic and it is likely that she will die within the next 6 months.

I did not disclose any of this information at the interview or since starting the job and I am now feeling incredibly dishonest as I know that I am likely going to need time off when my mother's health declines further or when she passes away. This time off will be unpaid if it happens within the next 6 months, but I know that any absence will have a big impact on staffing.

Should I give them a heads up of my situation now or just let them know if or when something happens? I am incredibly close to my mum so it is a really difficult time - definitely not the best time to have started a new job but that was beyond my control. AIBU to have not disclosed this information?

So sorry to hear about your mum but don't feel guilty. Really none of their business in recruitment process. Maybe mention it when you've settled in but it's as likely to happen during the holidays as term time and things happen to people without warning

You don't need to tell them your business, but what are their policies on compassionate leave etc? They might not be able to accommodate you being off for extended periods of time, so you could find yourself let go? You have minimal protection as a new employee.

I'm really sorry to hear your sad news. Yes, please tell them. (I've been a teacher for the last 30 years).

At your next line manager meeting (request one if you don't have a regular time) say to them, 'I need to inform you that my mother's health is deteriorating, and sadly the latest diagnosis she received was that her cancer is terminal. Obviously they cannot put a timescale on this, but I wanted to make you aware'. You don't need to tell them when she received this diagnosis, if you feel awkward.

They should be sympathetic. Schools make a lot of noise about 'staff wellbeing' and I think you should let them know that you are close to your mother and this is a difficult time for you.

Nah, you don't have a health issue. They don't need to know about the timescales

If you think you can get by with the standard leave of a few days then I'd not mention it tbh.

Sorry to hear about your mother it must be such a difficult time.

it’s none of your employer’s business so please don’t worry about it.