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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner is soo self absorbed he has no idea

5 replies

zssta · 20/01/2024 19:37

So my LG is 7 months old. My partner who I own a house with assured me during my pregnancy and before I even got pregnant a family is all he wanted. Tbh I didn't know if he was really the one for me but he had helped me recover from an op so I felt safe with him and felt I would be able to rely on him. When I was recovering he insisted I give up my apartment and livevwith him. during my recovery he wanted to go out with his friends but always said he couldn't go because I needed looking after, I was grateful , by the way I have no family here in the UK. Fast forward during my pregnancy he starts saying when the baby comes he won't be able to do much coz if work and he needs to see his friends. I felt bad coz he reminded me often that he didn't get to during my recovery so I picked up EVERYTHING FROM feeding, nappy changes , late nights etc. During that time I'd live on 2 hours sleep on the arm chair, hardly eaten, walked around for hours getting our baby to sleep that my feet remained swollen 4 months after birth and was recovering from my c section . He would come in the room and say things like I'd live to help but I hurt my neck during my 7 hour sleep, or hurt my back relaxing on the sofa and he needs to sleep early or have an hour long bath because he is tired. 7 months on after pleading for his help I resent him.he then went through mental breakdowns and his family accused me for not being available for him during his stressful period at work. Im sorry. Im trying to keep a human alive here and ur lazy son doesn't want to help! I can't believe I'm with such a person. I want to leave but I'd have to go through the courts coz all I want to do is go back to my family n friends and laugh again they in Australia... I feel like I'm in hell with him but I can't even rest coz my baby needs me so despite me operating in survival mode I have to show up for her. What should I do ... AIBU ?

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/01/2024 10:13

I think you should definitely go to Australia.

Seek legal advice. Perhaps if you leave him first and can demonstrate that he never helps or visits the baby the courts will see it's not much of a loss. Or would he agree to you going there for a couple of months to get help?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/01/2024 10:14

I have a baby and no partner and it's ok because my family and friends help me - your baby neeeds a happy mum.

SisterSabotage · 22/01/2024 10:17

Just organise baby's passport and go. Don't breathe a word to him. Yes there's the Hague Convention but seriously it sounds highly unlikely he has any interest in fatherhood so unlikely to pursue you.

A friend did this and she's so much happier now.

Easipeelerie · 22/01/2024 10:17

In your shoes, I would seek legal advice about whether you can take your child to live in Australia.
I would definitely leave him. Document all the ways he’s not an available father. Keep a diary of it. This could provide evidence to support your moving back home.

Giantwaterbottle4 · 22/01/2024 10:28

SisterSabotage · 22/01/2024 10:17

Just organise baby's passport and go. Don't breathe a word to him. Yes there's the Hague Convention but seriously it sounds highly unlikely he has any interest in fatherhood so unlikely to pursue you.

A friend did this and she's so much happier now.

I would second this. He obviously has no interest in being a parent and I doubt would make a fuss

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