To not want my 9yo playing 18-rated games?

[Porcuine20]

My ds best friend (they’re both 9) has recently started playing 18 games like Call of Duty, GTA. His parent are the ‘cool’ type and have no problem with this, they’ve bought the games for him… however I do have a problem with my 9yo playing them at his house, as I don’t believe he has the maturity or understanding - he’s a child. Friend’s mum makes out I’m being overprotective (in earshot of my ds) and my ds is annoyed and embarrassed that I won’t let him play those games… AIBU or is she?

How old are you now?

The original gta was also an 18... With top down 2d 256 —colour graphics and no detail. You could run people over, or shoot them.

There's no comparison to modern games like saints row where you can beat someone to death in high resolution 3d with a giant purple dildo on a truncheon called 'the penetrator' while dropping f-bombs every 15 seconds.

I played the original gta at age 9 which seems tame by comparison to todays. My parents (and my friends) had no clue we were sneaking down in the middle of the night to play them. On reflection the content was way too mature but the sexually mature bits were narrative, not interactive. Running people over was encouraged though and doing crime. I wouldn’t be happy with a 9 year old playing it because it introduces prostitution etc without the context of a mature mind. It must be even worse now. I want to protect my children as long as possible and that would mean not letting them go to friends houses where they could be exposed to games like that. Also the dopamine reinforcing structures of the games (seriously read up on this) mean you’re letting them be hooked on sex and violence for thrills before puberty. That’s not good parenting by any stretch.

There is a child on our street who dd was very friendly with when she was 8.

dd was coming home talking about all sorts of stuff on this kids iPad etc.

i looked up what dd was talking about, all 15+ stuff.

i cut the contact there and then. It caused a very uncomfortable conflict with the parents who thought i was too over protective but they were just shit parents.

The parents are not cool. They are lazy.

I wouldn’t be allowing my child in that house, I think I’m quite liberal, but I absolutely do not let my 13 year old play 18 rated games, let alone a 9 year old. It’s hard, because at 9 they don’t really understand the why, but I would sit him down and explain that there’s a good reason for age ratings and he’s just too young.

YANBU not to want your son playing 18 rated games. What his friend’s mum allows her son to play is up to her, but she should absolutely not be letting other people’s children play 18 rated games at her house unless the parents are OK with that.

When I was 13-14ish (not 9, obviously!) I was allowed to watch 18+ horror films at home. I wasn’t allowed to have my friends over to watch them unless my mum had checked with their parents first, though. People can make those decisions for their own kids but not other people’s!

There are plenty of games suitable for 9 year olds, GTA & COD are definitely not ok.

Thanks, those are my feelings too and I’ll stop him going over there if necessary.. I just wish she’d listen to me because the two boys have a lovely friendship and used to really enjoy gaming together, and now my son feels like I’m the one ruining that and is upset with me. I’m familiar with GTA (the oldest edition!) as some of my housemates at uni used to play it, and I hated it back then. I don’t know what she’s thinking, and I do worry about her ds.

We're a gaming family & you're not being unreasonable. GTA is not suitable for a 9yo. COD isn't particularly either but not in the same way & probably ok if they are just doing multiplayer.

Had to speak to a mum about exactly this as she'd let her son buy Friday 13th about the same age as your DS, my son played it with him & some mates & it traumatised the SHIT out of him. Literally in tears that night. The mum had no idea that an 18 game could really be that bad cos she'd zero experience herself.

Or the torture scene in GTA V that you can't skip past & HAVE to engage with. Plenty of adults were upset about that one, even DH.

I wouldn't let him go there any more. If she wants to be a slovenly parent that's up to her, but you decide what your child is exposed to.

I'm a gamer and there's no way I'd be letting my kids near GTA. Nor would I play it with them in the room.

I suspect the other mum has no idea what's in the game, or they don't care and they're looking for validation by having someone else approve it too.

COD is violent, there's blood etc and most of the game is online with extremely misogynistic chat etc

At 9, Fortnite, Roblox and Minecraft should be their level of gaming. COD at 16 if they're mature enough and GTA at 18.

Send the mum some of the more obscene clips from GTA, I'm sure they'll quickly change their mind.

Nope, not a chance in hell would DS10 be playing GTA.

This

GTA - that’s the one where you get extra points if you rape a prostitute, then kill her and stral her money I think? Not sure why any parent would want to introduce yhat concept to a nine year old boy.

I wouldn’t allow my 9 yr old son back into the house where an adult had deliberately given him access to GTA and I’d been telling my ex-friend exactly what a shite parent they were.

Your friend isn’t ‘cool’ she’s lazy. The world is full of men who treat women like shit and she’s deliberately poisoning her son’s mind with misogyny. Yuck.

I dunno. OP said they do buy the kids the games. That's gotta take at least five minutes worth of effort.

It’s years since I’ve played it, but from memory the opening few minutes of GTA V have the player and his companion saying “n*gger” about a dozen times. I’m sure there are no occasions where white characters use it to slur black characters, but I think anyone sensible would realise that it’s not suitable for a nine-year-old.

Gaming choices aside (YANBU by the way), I'd not be happy with my child going to any house where the parent(s) undermine my parenting or my safeguarding choices in front of my children.

Adults who do the pick me dance with children and have poor boundaries are not safe adults I'd want my children around because they've shown their judgement can't be trusted.

There's no "points" in GTA. Nor do you HAVE to do what you described and there's NO option to rape either. Do your research and don't just read whatever has been reported. It's a spoof of life but very over the top, but many adults who play know the difference between a game and reality. The whole reason the games are loved are because of how ridiculous they are. And they're definitely not a game a child should be playing.

(I'm a female gamer who doesn't take the games seriously, and no I don't have kids. Yet.)

Don't let your ds go on unsupervised play dates with parents who don't respect your rules. I was allowed videos slightly before the age usually, eg I could watch a 15 when I was 13, but if I had a friend visiting who wasn't allowed my mum would never let us watch them she would respect the other parents rules

My 9 yr old (and his friends some of whom are 12/13) are on Fortnite, Roblox and Minecraft. Fortnite is bad enough imo but I can see how it's like cowboys and indians that I used to play as a kid.

Stick to your guns. Personally I'd phone the school and tell them that their child is exposed to these games. It's a safeguarding issue. Parents need a wake up call big time.

Parent your child then and stop them going to the house where this takes place.

In the same way you would stop them if they were going to a drugs den, a brothel, out with a gang of thieves or to a pub, or engaging in any other age inappropriate activities.

GTA is not a game for children. The industry recognises some parents have difficulty establishing whether or not a particular video game is age appropriate for their child. So in the case of GTA they helpfully print a big red circle on the game box with 18 written in it.

The rating is established by industry experts, as well as psychologists and people who have significant experience in assessing the age appropriate rating of different media. They are more qualified to know what is age appropriate and what isn't than any "cool parents".

YANBU. Age ratings are there for a reason. Next time your son mentions it’s embarrassing I’d tell him that the only person who should be embarrassed is the friend’s mum as she’s being a completely irresponsible parent.

When I worked in a primary school a couple of years ago, a few of the y5/6 kids started bragging about the games they had and were allowed to play. The Head was concerned about the aggression they were displaying and in his weekly letter home, he stated that any kid talking about playing any games with a 15 or 18 rating would trigger a safeguarding concern, and he would inform social services. I have no idea whether he did, but the warning seemed to stop quite a lot of the poor behaviour.

They’re not cool, they’re irresponsible, lazy or stupid. Ratings are there for very good reasons. Protect your 9 year old.