To ask for help to sort my life out?

[BrieCamera]

Bit of background first .. live with DP, both mid 30s, two primary aged kids. Both work full time - pretty standard life, no major health issues, family support etc.

The problem is nearly every aspect of my life I’m low level failing at (I say nearly but somehow I’m doing well at work).

In no particular order, issues are as follows:

• I’m in quite a bit of debt (about 20k)
• I’m classed as obese but only just (size 16)
• My diet is rubbish - to the point I became quite deficient in a few things last year to the point it affected my quite badly
• My house is a cluttered mess I just can’t keep on top of
• The kids are great but I’m don’t feel like I’m the best mum like we’re always behind on reading, not enough quality time together, too much screen time etc

I’ve realised they all pretty much link in together for example on a weekend, house is a mess so spend a couple of hours inefficiently trying to get on top of things or doing important bits like washing uniforms, pretty much ignoring the kids in the process, then realise we’ve not got much in for tea (freezer is full but due to general overwhelm I can’t think to put something together) so nip to shops without much of a plan and end up spending £40 on credit card on a couple of teas plus a load of rubbish snacks for a dopamine hit.

I’m stuck in a cycle of burying my head in the sand and/or feeling constant panic about everything going to shit.

I feel like I need to freeze time for a week to get on top of everything and then restart. I feel like just making small changes isn’t going to work and I need to overhaul everything at once. One idea I had to start with was like a two week rolling meal plan. I can then ensure it’s healthy, it’s I don’t have to think about what to make, and I don’t have to constantly be going to the shop giving me more time with the kids and saving me loads of money.

Does anyone know of any ready made meal plans with inexpensive easy meals that also cover most food groups, vitamins etc? I hoping getting this bit kicked off and working will lead me to then sort the rest of my life out.

Sorry it’s a bit long - will massively appreciate any advice especially if you’ve managed to go from chaos to organised!

I too am ADHD and was my first thought reading this.

Sounds like you just need to tweak some things. Your life doesn’t sound too dissimilar to many, but you’re in a bit of a rut. Maybe plan some meals etc, stop spending on CC outwith emergencies etc
Nothing will change til you do x

Sounds like you just need to tweak some things. Your life doesn’t sound too dissimilar to many, but you’re in a bit of a rut. Maybe plan some meals etc, stop spending on CC outwith emergencies etc
Nothing will change til you do x

Just slim read your OP and the replies, but this screams undiagnosed ADHD to me too! I totally recognise all the feelings you describe! I haven't had an official diagnosis yet, but should be undergoing assessment in the next few months. No advice as I'm struggling at the moment, but I googled some ADHD memes today and found them very validating. Hope things start to feel better for you soon xxx

Don't forget to get the kids involved in some jobs. My oldest 5 helps me with laundry folding, finding socks etc, and we chat doing it. My youngest is 2 and likes to do jobs, tidy up, take things from a to b, putting things in the bin. They still get some interaction with you while the things that need doing, get done.

I'm on a major declutter too, we have too much stuff to keep clean properly. It's going to take months as we both work full time, but chipping away here and there helps.

came here to say this is me too! I am waiting diagnosis (like most sufferers!) But My GP says it's pretty clear I have ADHD possible ASD too. Consider ADHD OP, it might help you give yourself a break. I'd start with the cluttered house - get a motivated friend to come round and help you on a day off (otherwise you'll procrastinate all day - if you have got ADHD!)

One tip re the kids - for Saturdays plan a day out every week to get them away from screens and you away from the clutter etc. Then do the boring jobs on a Sunday like uniforms etc and they can have screen time without the guilt!! Also get gousto/hello fresh for weekdays.

Just realised the irony of me not reading the op properly because I was so eager to share that I think it's ADHD 🙈😂😂😂

My revelation was when I realised there is a difference between tidying/ cleaning and decluttering. I used to try to do all 3 things at the same time. They are 3 different things and each needs to be given dedicated time.

For decluttering, I also loveThe Minimalist Challenge. Each day of a month that does not have 31 days you have to get rid of that many items e.g. 1st = 1 broken chair through to 30th = 30 dried up pens.

Food and obesity are still an issue for me.

I too have ADHD and reading your post reminded me of me. Worth thinking about perhaps?
the ‘I want to freeze time for a week’ really resonated with me. That rather all of nothing mentality.

lots of useful practical suggestions here. But if you notice - they are small steps: do 1 thing a week, cook double and eat same food 2 days in a row.
it seems to me the people who are more ‘sorted’ are also more pragmatic.

in a word: ditch the guilt, try not to beat yourself up. And as another poster said: focus on 1 thing, and I would suggest that the debt is important .

good luck!

Thank you so much for replying.

I’m going through each post and making a bit of a list/plan.

I’ll put together a longer reply later today but just wanted to quickly thank you all for taking the time to reply x

I remember the christmas when my daughter was very small, I reached a point of overwhelm at home. I tearfully asked my Mum if she could have her for the day and I went home, cranked up the tunes, put an apron on and got a load of black sacks and just shut myself in the kitchen pulling the contents out of all the drawers, bagging up the rubbish / clutter that I didn't use anymore (why were cocktail glasses taking up a whole useful shelf when I didn't even drink?! and so forth). I worked through the whole room and made it so that all the stuff I actually used every day was accessible and in a sensible place, and all the stuff that wasn't useful was bagged up and taken to the tip / thrown away / donated. It was a good day. And it made my life so much easier going forwards.

Sometimes you have to reach your breaking point to make a change!

Good suggestions.

I agree with try to take a couple of days off if you can, or if not can DH take the kids to stay with GPs one weekend so you can get a head start.

My twopenneth is firstly concentrate on not making life in general any worse.

So make a plan to stay on top of your laundry. Do one load every evening and plan how you are going to dry - tumble drier/airer/pegging out. Also have a plan to deal with it when it's dry. Will it need ironing or can it just be put away? When you get into the swing of it, you are washing stuff one evening and ironing it/putting it away the following evening and as you are only ironing one load (and only iron what you need to)it takes 15 - 30 mins max. Sort out the next load to go in the washing machine at the same time

Ask DH to stay on top of the washing up/dishwasher. He could be loading it after the evening meal and wiping down the kitchen while you are on laundry duty.

Declutter as a priority. You can't stay clean and tidy if you have too much stuff. Be brutal.

Do your kids have packed lunches? Make up basic rolls of things that will freeze - ham, cheese, sausage, jam etc and put them in the freezer. Doesn't mean your kids have to eat them every day, but you have a ready made go-to if needed.

Once the house is flowing a bit better, it will be easier to concentrate on yourself and your general diet. Investigate home delivery shopping. That saves time and money. I don't order crap, but I might be tempted to pick it up if I found myself unprotected and defenceless in the biscuit aisle.

But as others have said - one thing at a time, get that one thing running smoothly and incorporate something else.