Help- really embarrassed about going back to work?

[Ainteasybeingwheezy]

hi

i know this is utterly ridiculous and if it were someone else I would be telling them not to be embarrassed and not to be so ridiculous but for some reason when it’s yourself it always feels different!

I’ve had an asthma flare up at work the other day- lots of attacks but I was able to manage them all and I stupidly didn’t want to stay off sick because I thought I was over it and better. Unfortunately I wasn’t and I later had a pretty severe attack at work, probably the worst I’ve ever had and it was awful. Everyone at my work was so lovely though and my boss ended up calling my next of kin because I couldn’t really get a breath properly and my inhaler wasn’t fixing it like normal. It then got a lot worse and I think I started panicking a bit because I’m so used to my inhaler working and this felt so much more severe but obviously panicking so going to make an asthma attack worse too and unfortunately I ended up dripping in sweat and collapsing/fainting on the floor. Not sure why- I think it was just low oxygen or from being so tired from struggling to breathe. I won’t bore you all with the rest of the details it was all fine in the end, it took 15+ puffs to get it under control and then once it started working I stopped panicking as much and it all helped. Obviously I immediately went to get help and I’ve got steroids etc now

but I’m so, so embarrassed about going back to work now. I don’t even know why I’m embarrassed because I know it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and everyone was so kind and my collegues and my boss were absolutely lovely, but it caused a lot of disruption to the work diary and it was so embarrassing waking up on the floor of my bosses office still unable to properly breathe and the entire thing just feels so embarrassing. They knew I had asthma already but that was the worst attack I’ve had and it was so public and I’m dying on the spot even thinking about going back after it now

Does anyone have any advice for going back? Thanks x

I think accept that you feel embarrassed. It's OK to have that feeling, but at the same time you logically know that you have nothing to be embarrassed about. People will probably ask you how you are, so maybe have some responses ready.

You're going to have to return to work so when you feel yourself going into that spiral of feeling worried, embarrassed and overthinking, just catch yourself and shrug it off.

Agree with above, it's ok if you feel embarrassed. That's not to say you should, but I think it's a normal reaction. An asthma attack is scary as hell and I bet your boss and team were panicking nearly as much as you were! Look after yourself. 😊

I once collapsed at work in the loo and got taken away by ambulance, my husband was called and everyone knew.
I went back the next week and it was a 2 second issue, most people had forgotten already. So face it, maybe bring chocolates or something for the first aider and keep your head done. It will blow over.

Think of it this way: if you saw a colleague go through what you did what would you think when they returned to work? My guess is- you'd feel relief they were ok and empathy for what they went through. That's literally all they'll be thinking. No need to feel embarrassed at all.

If it makes you feel better- one of my friends went to the gym, then went in the sauna, came out, got undressed, suddenly felt wobbly and then promptly fainted on the changing room floor. She woke up naked with several gym staff standing over her concerned (they had covered her with a towel but still!)

You've got absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. Strangely, I understand your embarrassment though.

Put yourself in your colleagues shoes. What would you think of them, if it had happened to someone else and not you?

Although I promise nobody will actually care about the disruption, I can understand you feel embarrassed. My suggestion would be to get to work on the first day back earlier than everyone else. Sounds silly but if you're already settled at your desk and people wander in one by one afterwards it's much less daunting than walking into a room with lots of staff if you're feeling self conscious.

Without wanting to minimise how you feel, it’s actually pretty helpful for them to be aware that you need to pay attention to your symptoms.
They’ll never be pushing you to just get on with it, or power through, again!

And the same for you- a timely reminder to look after yourself! (Said as someone who’s currently stuck on the sofa because I haven’t nursed myself adequately!).

@Ainteasybeingwheezy

A few years ago I found myself holding my bosses hand as she was being blue lighted to hospital, I spent most of the day in A&E with her and I had to put her up for the night as it wasn't safe for her to drive the 50 miles home.
She had a pre existing condition but we all thought she was having a stroke.
I'm sure she felt very embarrassed about it all, but I was, to be blunt, more worried about potentially having to deal with a death in the office.

Everyone just wanted to make sure she was OK, there was no gossip or unkindness, just lots of support.
So I think whilst it's probably natural to feel embarrassed, no one wants othet people to see them in a vulnerable state, but honestly I'm sure everyone is just relieved that you are ok

Work is somewhere where we want to feel strong and in control, and you had that momentarily taken away from you. The feeling of embarrassment is just a primal way of recognising that.

If you were a cavewoman it would be your body’s way of making sure you fit in with the group and didn’t endanger youself or others by deviating too far from the norms.

But you are fortunate that you have a better developed prefrontal cortex, and so are able to accept the emotion and let yourself feel it, while rationally knowing that it’s all OK, and that your colleagues won’t be thinking any less of you.

Sometimes that duality (being able to rationalise the reality of the situation, but still feeling the emotion) can cause a bit of cognitive dissonance, which is what you are feeling now.

This is like a first day at school
moment when you have no idea what to expect.

Some will ask if you are ok, others will want to move on and not speak about it.

Why didn’t they call an ambulance? Get you to hospital?

Thank you (and everyone else!) for all the advice!

honestly, my work are brilliant and they didn’t even push me to work through it, they would have been more than happy for me stay home sick- I know it’s a rarity but I’ve got a really brilliant workplace and boss etc.

It was me that was being an idiot and thinking I was fine to come into work! You’re right though- lesson learned, next time you’re sick- stay off sick!!!🤦🏼‍♀️x

I was temping a while ago and went into the toilets to empty my very full stoma bag - caught it on my trouser zip and pulled the whole thing off and it hit the floor and exploded , poor woman in the cubicle next to me got liquid poo splatters on her feet and the whole cubicle was covered - she left after what seemed like hours and then came back with some other colleagues and I had to say it was me and explain what happened so they could get me cleaning stuff. Cleaned up and had to then go and explain to boss and other colleagues what had happened and go home straight away as legs were covered - I was dying with embarrassment but I went in the next day and no one made me feel uncomfortable about it.

You got sick , you deal with asthma attacks , you still work and I’m sure your colleagues value you - get back in there and hold your head high

I once had a crying stint on the stairs at work. I cried & cried on the stairs for at least 20 minutes. Couldn't move. Colleagues going up & down both sides the whole time, customers shopping only a few feet away could observe me.

At least your cause is physical out of your control. I was exhausted & overwrought is why I blew up but still ... everyone was nice afterwards & pretended to forget about it.

You'll be ok. Most people, their primary response is gratitude that they don't have your problem.

As said you've got nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm quite concerned that an ambulance wasn't called. They had no way of knowing that you were getting enough oxygen. A paramedic car would have been sent. They really need to update the first aider and reiterate how serious an asthma attack can be. Just because you know the cause, doesn't mean that struggling to breathe isn't a 999 call.

Yes get there early. Greet people normally in a low key way and when people ask how you are, say that you are fine, really appreciated the help and you hated disrupting the day. They will say something alone the lines of “don’t be silly” and “glad you are better” and no one will think any more of it.

Everyone will take their cue from you so be very focused on your work and full of “back to business vibes”.

It’s not necessary, but if you want to, depending on how things are done in the office, put a tray of cakes or a big bunch of flowers somewhere prominent, with a note attached saying “thank you to everyone who assisted me when I was unwell last week, it was much appreciated” or simply offer some cake around one afternoon after you have been back a few days.

I think it's natural to feel some embarrassment and it's something you just need to ride out. Once you get to

Sorry, posted too soon...
Once you get to work it'll feel fine.

Would you think unkindly of a colleague having a medical emergency or would you feel empathy for them and hope they're ok?

If people are generally kind and supportive in your workplace then there's no reason to feel like they won't be to/about you.

Ah, you poor thing! Great suggestion from a PP to come in early first day back and have some treats for the team to say thanks for their support. Feel better OP!

My guess is that your colleagues will just be relieved that you are OK 👍

Your colleagues will be relieved that you are ok.
why wasn’t an ambulance called? Over 10 puffs on your puffer is the same as having a nebuliser and needing that many puffs should have been considered a medical emergency!

I was going to say the same as above, did no-one call an ambulance?
I didn't like returning to work after a miscarriage as my boss knew. But the first bit of seeing everyone is soon done with and you can move on. Perhaps tell them what to do if it happens again though.

Try and imagine how you would feel if it had happened to one of your colleagues, you would only feel supportive and pleased to see them.

When you return to work I'm sure the embarrassment will be fleeting as everyone will be supportive and then business as usual.

Please don't be embarrassed. I'm sure your work mates are more worried that you are OK

Thanks everyone, it’s definitely one of those things that when it’s other people I wouldn’t understand why they would be embarrassed but when it’s you it just feels so cringey and horrible! Everyone at my work is lovely so im not worried about going back from that POV, it’s just so cringey to even think about and im worried I came across a bit dramatic or OTT when it all happened x