DH wants another child

[ThrowawayOneandDone]

My DP and I have a beautiful DC who turns 3 later this year.

When we decided to have them, I was overjoyed - loved being pregnant, loved planning, even didn’t hate the labour and birth experience. I was very lucky that it was quite smooth sailing all in all, but once they were born, I had absolutely no intention of having more.

I wondered if this would change as they got older, I know a lot of people tend to have a second around this sort of time…but nope. I can’t imagine having another child, I’m not at all broody nor do I picture myself with 2 when I think of the future. I’m actually scared of becoming pregnant again (much like I did in my teenage years!)

DH has always wanted 2, he’s always said it and I’ve always just been of the opinion “we’ll see how we go.” I’ve never said no, but never expressed an interest in more.

He’s brought it up quite a few times now and each time I’ve said I’m nowhere near wanting another.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Of course never say never, but I honestly can’t see myself changing my mind on this one. I have no interest at all in having another child and I’m not really young enough to wait much longer 😅

I know the bottom line comes down to me as the person who’d be going through pregnancy/birth and be looking after the baby more, but equally I know me giving a definite no is going to really upset him as he doesn’t feel our family is complete. I do feel like I’m denying him something that he really wants.

Just looking for advice on how to manage this situation really.

Plenty of men say no to more kids, mine did, and that’s that. So you have that right too.

I think you need to stop saying we'll see or never say never and tell him the truth of how you feel.

I think you need to stop giving false hope

then he can ultimately decide to stay knowing it’s more than likely he’ll only have one or can choose to leave ( now or later) if he really wants more

You're well within your right not to want another child but you're being extremely unfair not telling your DH the truth and stringing him along.

My husband said no more after our second. I desperately wanted more. Ultimately, I accepted his choice. I think the views of the person who doesn't want more should get priority, as there is no compromise in this case. My husband was very open and blunt with me that he was done and I went away and took time to process this and accept it. Brutal honesty was the only way to go, so I could make peace with it and move on, which I did...until one day, DH told me he actually wanted more. Now we have 3 and are both delighted to have done so.

However, I had made my peace with stopping when DH wanted to stop, but really needed that honesty and time to process it. Honesty is the best policy in this event. Make sure your husband knows that the doors are all closed.

Is he your DH or DP?
ie are you married? Joint mortgage/rent? Financially secure? Do you work? Another child will impact your career. If you were to split and you have no job, are not married then you are very valuable financially.
All of these questions are important.

I’m not “stringing him along” what an odd thing to say 😂 whenever he’s brought it up I’ve said I don’t feel anywhere near wanting more, which is the truth. I’ve not said “never say never” to him, this is just what everyone bloody tells me when I express my feelings about a second.

I take the feedback on board though, I will speak to him more openly about how I’m feeling and why. In the past whenever I’ve expressed where my heads at, he changes the subject because he’s not getting the answer he wants.

He’s my husband, we both work and I earn more than him. Yes, it would massively affect my career to have another child which is one part of why I’m not keen.

Would he truly do 50/50 or be left with the DC if you split?
Statistically unlikely.

It took me until my daughter was nearly 4 to be ready for another so I understand why you don't want to say 'never' just in case!

Well even if you did want another there's no guarantee that you'd get pregnant anyway - plenty of couples have secondary infertility. Personally I kept my coil until I was truly ready, it's your body that has to deal with pregnancy and childbirth so it absolutely has to be your choice.

I think you need to be more clear with him and state you do t want more children.

DH is being honest and you too have to be honest. Things are not set i stone and you and your partner/H are entitled to change their mind

2 kids - trust me its better than one if you can afford it and if thats want you want as when they are growing up and then get married you have more people you can enjoy/trust and love

All you can do is be honest. It’s totally fine for you to feel this way and I’m sure it is fairly common for 2 partners to have different feelings about having more children. If you are almost certain you don’t want another child it is better to be blunt about this, then he can come to term with it.

I do feel like I’m denying him something that he really wants.

Well, you are, but that is absolutely ok. You don't want to have another baby so that's it really, and the last thing you should ever do is bringing another child into the world just to make your husband happy.

I think you need to tell him it's simply not happening. You're kind of stringing him along.

It has to be your choice as you will probably be main carer if you should split up in the future.
You only want one child, that is fine, don't feel pressured by dh, family or society to have a second unless you are sure that's what you want.
By the same token, dh has to make his own choice, if he is happy with one or not, that may mean meeting someone else to settle with.
It's a potential life, not an asset.

This is my story exactly. Before our third my DH said "the more the time pass the more certain I am I don't want another one". I grieved and almost move on until a day when he turned around... I even had to ask him to wait a couple of months before trying to give me time to get my head around it!

It seems there are communication issues in this relationship. Something to address with your husband?

As for your AIBU, of course not. Having babies is, or at least should be, a joint decision.

Me too!!!! I spent a few days deciding if it really was what I wanted. Didn't take me too long to make my mind up and she is now 2.