To wonder how often burglars actually are violent?

[Yuip]

Several years ago I was burgled when sharing a house with roommates at uni.

All of us had gone out that night (separately). I was first to return and found the door had been broken in with a crowbar (police said crowbar I guess they could tell) and the lock and door broken. Our stuff was taken and nothing was ever found.

Ive always been scared about burglary since I was a child but this has really played on my mind ever since.

We were all out when it happened but I very nearly did not go out that night. I had a terrible headache and strongly considered lying in the dark in bed. It was only slight chance that I decided on going out.

Through my life I've heard people say that burglars are usually cowards and when confronted they will run off. People have told me that they must have been watching the house and knew we were all out.

I'm not sure if I believe that. Were they really watching closely enough to see the comings and going of all four of us who lived very separate lives? If the other three were out and I'd been in bed in the dark with no lights on is it not likely they would have assumed us all out?

An opportunist is one thing - going in through an open window or trying a door to see if it's unlocked and getting in and out quickly. But bringing a crowbar and breaking a locked door down with it makes me suspect that if they'd come across me in my room that they would have become violent.

Since having DS a year ago this worry has become worse and it's a level of anxiety that is starting to affect me. DS is still in our room and one of the reasons I'm reluctant to move him is that where his bedroom would be, an intruder would reach before reaching ours. I don't want to be a mother who puts her fears onto my child but I'm also terrified at the thought of anyone entering the house and into his room.

I have tried looking into deterrents. I know people say to get a dog but I worry that the type of people who would be violent would hurt a dog too. There's also the fact that DS is still young for us to get a dog and we rent so the landlord is unlikely to allow it.

I have started looking into ring doorbells but they seem quite difficult to fit and I'm not sure it's the most suitable option when renting especially as we don't plan on staying long term.

I'm especially interested in hearing from anyone with experience eg police officers. Especially in how often burglaries are violent etc. Whether it is likely that they really did know for sure I was out that night. Is it common to watch the house so closely to know where everyone is? We lived in a cul de sac at the time so if so I guess it is likely it was one of our direct neighbours.

Also interested in other peoples thoughts and experience, whether you think IABU to be very anxious about this.

I imagine when they’re caught in the act!

We were burgled as a child, and I remember when my mum noticed the door had been broken open she took us all to a neighbours house to call the police. Her friend was a police officer at the time and always told her never to enter your home if you’ve been burgled in case they’re in there.

I can't answer the question about violence but worth pointing out that burglaries have decreased dramatically in number of the last 20 years or so. The number of burglaries is about 1/3 of what it was.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, it’s a valid worry, but I do think it’s become an irrational neuroses that you need to get a handle on. There are many things in the world that could go wrong but we simply cannot worry uncontrollably about them all.

There are lots of really good counselling services out there that are brilliant at helping with alsorts of anxieties. Maybe a trip to the doctor to start the process off?

This is a good point - when I came home to found we had been burgled I just walked right on in there to investigate which when I looked back on realised had been a stupid idea.

I think often we don't respond in frightening situations the way we think we will but I hope that if it ever happened again I would know better.

Thank you - this is a reassuring statistic (and interesting - I'd have assumed the opposite with issues with the cost of living crisis etc)

Yes exactly in times of panic we don’t think straight and I suppose your initial reaction would be to see how much damage had been done!

BTW Ring doorbells are a doddle to fit!

@Yuip Honestly burglaries - unless they're the type that target footballers homes - are a lot of effort for not much reward and a (relatively) higher chance of getting caught than other types of crime. There will always be opportunist crimes but mid level burglary (for want of a better work) doesn't make a lot of sense for a criminal

Thank you for your kind reply. Yes I think you are right. Since having DS quite a few things that I've always had niggling worries about have turned into bigger anxieties as I now worry about him instead of just myself. I have been considering whether I should speak with the gp about anxiety and so I will mention it.

I’m a police officer and have been for 21 years, violent housebreakers are incredibly rare and I’m struggling to remember the last time I dealt with one or was aware of one in our area.

Even when disturbed, they just run off!

I never worried about putting my kids in their room but then I don’t even have a ring doer bell myself! I do think your fear is taking control of you, to be honest. It’s natural to consider thing ps like housebreakings/fire but don’t fixate on it.

I think a lot of stuff isn’t really worth stealing like it used to be - no one is going to bother stealing tvs, desktop computers etc. Maybe phones and iPads, but even then they can’t do much with them.

Gold, cash - maybe but they’d really have specific targets (I know a few Asian families who have been targeted unfortunately)

luxury cars - definitely, so worth keeping car keys near the front door but in a faraday box

its something I’d be horrified about and sort of prepared for but not too worried about

Hi op, I've been broken into in the past and I work with young people who have burgled.

All of them have said they just want to get in and out as fast as possible without seeing anyone. Usually they're looking for cars or specific items and they'll aim for houses that are unlocked. Any that have turned violent has been because they've come across someone in the home unexpectedly and have got scared and panicked. Fight or flight has kicked in and its also depended on how easy it was to get past the person and out of the house. For example they'd run from someone in a bedroom, but might be more inclined to fight someone blocking their exit route in the hall.

I leave my keys and purse at my front door. I don't want to give anyone a reason to come further into my home where they could come across me and my child.

In terms of a crow bar etc. Those are items used to gain access. There's no reason to assume they'll be used for anything other than that unless in a scenario as listed above. Someone who breaks into a house KNOWING someone is home and goes past lifting bits off the hall table, to me is there for a different reason altogether. For example people who burgle the elderly will know they are home and they're prepared to use violence to subdue them. Which is vile.

A dog is a great deterrent as people are less likely to burgle a home with a dog or alarm system. Anything that would alert you or the neighbours.

Realistically the chances you'll be burgled are slim but I know the feeling you're talking about- it's like your safe space has been taken away from you and it leaves you feeling very vulnerable. It takes a while for that to go op, but if it's not shifting for you then you need to speak to someone about it so it doesn't take over your life.

Ive two very different experiences…
i heard someone trying to break in about 3/4 years ago, went downstairs and they scarpered as soon as they realised something was wrong.

When living in a very rough area of London in my 20s I was hit with whatever they used to break in (hammer/crow bar, not sure) sustained some nasty injuries and to be fair to the police, they were fantastic and one of them went to prison for wounding with intent and got 10 years. This was an area completely rife with gang issues (both more “modern” turf wars and strangely, some groups with ties to the IRA) and it could feel a bit lawless at times

Most burglars want to avoid confrontation. We leave the car keys near (but not in sight of) the back door so hopefully if someone broke in they would steal the car and leave us alone

Can you put obvious child type decorations on the door to the babies bedroom? I think given they are normally trying to avoid confrontation they would tend to avoid a babies room so as to avoid waking the baby and therefore the rest of the household

Thank you for sharing. It's really good to hear from someone who has been doing it for a long time and your answer is reassuring.

We have one of the older / least fancy cars on the street and nothing about us that would make someone assume we would have any valuables like gold etc that you mentioned so hopefully that means we are not going to be high up on any burglars lists. Thanks!

I think they wouldn’t want to be unless you confronted them, surely.

They are there to steal, they couldn’t be bothered about you unless you get in their way. It depends though on how determined they are, I suppose.

Some years ago, DH came home at lunch time to be confronted by a man climbing out of our house through the kitchen window. He had a kitchen knife in his hand and slashed DHs face before driving off in a van where his accomplice was sat waiting.
Luckily DH had noticed the van as it was pulled up in the ginnel behind our house so could remember the registration number. The police traced the van within about an hour. Turned out the van belonged to the man’s grandmother and he was hiding in her loft, having absconded from an open prison a month earlier. It was absolutely horrific.

I think the area that you live in has the most impact on whether you will be burgled or not.

If confronted they may defend themselves, do anything to get away. But otherwise they would rather not be seen.

My burglars scarpered in terror when I turned the hall light on. I also work with young people who have burgled - they don't want to meet anyone - they just want in and out as fast as they can.

Ring doorbells are easy to fix - I put one up within 24 hours of the incident above. CCTV and burglar alarms are a deterrent - but they don't even have to be real. Even a sign up saying CCTV in operation helps, and you can buy fake alarms. I have one that looks genuine, but is just a plastic shell with a little red flashing light.

But ring doorbells are dead easy, they really are just follow the instructions

Ring doorbells are so easy to install, and I’ve had so much peace of mind since we put ours up. I also leave an old purse with out of date cards and some coins in it in the hallway, that way if they do break in they’ll think they’ve got something and will hopefully not go looking much further.

I don’t think you need to worry too much though, as PP said burglary has gone right out of fashion now electronics go out of date so quickly and can’t be sold on so easily as in the past, I think shoplifting meat is the thing now.

I'm sorry this happened to you - my neighbours are both police officers and have a Ring doorbell, which is hopefully a good deterrent

I had an attempted burglary while I was in the house. They knocked at the door and k didn't answer because me and my baby were napping. They went Roy d the back and let themselves in. I confronted them on the stairs and scared the life out of them... they ran for their lives!!