I started posting a much, much longer post, but I'll keep this brief-ish. I'm one of four kids from my Dad and my Mum, who died seven years ago (my Dad has since remarried.)
Relationships with my brother and one of my sisters have got so bad that I genuinely never want to see either of them again. They have behaved so nastily (we are all a bit damaged by our childhood) and, while we had a good relationship when our children were small, with me cooking lovely lunches, visits to the park with our kids, etc, when they came to visit, there is no bearing (genuinely) on how shitty their behaviour has been - I think it might be related to our Mum's death. My brother is genuinely really f**ked up by our childhood, and doesn't seem especially sane.
But - my brother lives in Japan, she lives in Yorkshire - they have very distant relationships with my dad, whereas I live in the same city as him, and go to see him every week without fail.
My dad is 86 but still in fairly good health for his age. I'm still quite close to the other sister. But already I've started thinking that I just don't want to attend my dad's funeral, when he eventually goes, if either of these 'problematic' siblings will be there. I'll help my sister out with arrangements, and of course my sons, who are now young adults are free to go (which they probably will) if they want to. I think that's fair enough - I'll grieve for my dad privately. AIBU?