To wonder how forty year olds make friends?

[LoremIpsumDolorSitAmet]

I have moved to a new town four years ago as a single parent, been through lockdown, got two boys who have autism and work full time. In that time, I have managed to make zero friends. Keep in touch with old friends and family all the time, but really need to expand my circle.

How do mums make friends?

I went on meetup.com and found a social group I liked the look of.

Through work. Through children’s friends. Through clubs and hobbies. The same ways people do at other ages.

My friend joined a choir. I met a few through walking we meeting for coffee tomorrow. I dont know op I met a few through school reunion met her once kinda fizzled out... its difficult. Maybe some are lucky with new friends

Through my kids (their parents) and also a running group
as a single parent it will def be harder esp if you work FT. Do you have WhatsApps with other parents? Could you organise a “mums night out”?

One possibility is through school. I made my best friend through my son’s friend’s Mum at 40. I don’t know if your kids are at school, but you never know; you might just click with somebody there.

it’s harder when you are a single mum and the kids are less sociable than some. I was in a similar position; gradually I made a friend or two; also I work reasonably locally and so I have some work friends. it takes time and you just have to keep on going

I made mine through school. Through my children originally being in the same class but then we moved on to socialising and now I couldn’t be without them. That and work.

What spare time do you have at all? I would imagine not much.

Volunteer

The apps peanut and mush arrange play dates with your kids of similar ages.

Post on local FB groups.

Chat to school mums.

Pub quiz, hobby group, support group..

Not a lot of spare time. About enough to unload the dishwasher and put on the washing machine!

Work mates
Kids’ school friends’ mums
Volunteering to manage kids’ hobby groups
Joining a book club
Seeing a personal trainer who I now meet for lunch/coffee

Were mine. Might not all work for you with your circumstances, but being open to opportunity, chatty (doesn’t necessarily come naturally!) and forcing myself to make the scary first “would you like to go for coffee/drinks?” move were the main things I think.

In my adult life I’ve made new friends during education courses (work related), hobby classes (flower arranging) a book club and baking club.

They aren’t my BFFs or anything but definitely good friends.

Are you chatty?
I made my last good pal in the queue for a covid jab. (I called her a big fanny because she was worried about it. She luckily laughed and didn't tell me to shut up.) Not that my suggestion is to just call people fannys, but definitely chat to people when the opportunity arises. Worst case they're not wanting to chat, that's okay, nothing personal, respect that and just keep chatting to new folks until there is a wee spark.

I joined a band and a swimming group,

Moved to a completely new town where I knew no-one a couple of years ago.

I’ve been lucky - great neighbours, some lovely mums on the school run, a few friends picked up through work and volunteering. I have made more friends in the last 10 years (since age 38) than the previous decade when I was commuting and working and dashing to preschool pickup deadlines.

I joined a local mums C25k and I’m now always being asked if I will do charity walks or runs (noooo thank you) but once you get in those little circles people will ask and ask, you just need that little “in” and then you’ll be off and running.

but i think it’s entirely about free time - and your life sounds so very full I don’t think you should feel bad you haven’t found time to foster those little flames of friendship

I'm an unsociable 40 year old myself, but in our village we have a book club, drama group and a few gym classes/netball at the primary school. Are you on social media? Can you find the local group and ask what's on?

Since being 40 I have made friends when DD started school and through Church.