Has any completely got over social anxiety?

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I have had social anxiety as long as I can remember and find it just gets worse with age.
I've had CBT and tried medication but it's never gone away, it affects every aspect of my life.
Does it ever go? has anyone ever got rid of it and been completely comfortable in social situations?

I have more or less yes.

Can I ask why you have it? I had it due to child abuse. Lots of really bad stuff, 15yrs, but also bullying and shaming and so bad I just wanted to get away from all people all the time.

When I became a teenager, I became so awkward despite being pretty. I hated people looking at me because they expected me to have something witty to say but I just wanted to get away.

Tbh what helped was the passing of the years but more than that, moving to a small town and going out to the same place and socialising. I learned social skills.

I used to use tricks like asking questions. I learned new ones, like using silence and watching someone else fill it. I just changed and became more comfortable.

I also watched other people go through things that floored me but barely bothered them. I tried to learn from other people.

Do you have any options for a similar type thing?

I'm a natural introvert and feel awkward in situations where I'm expected to make conversation or small talk.
I was also bullied at school and various work places.
I'm not very bright and failed all GCSE's.
I have always been treated as stupid which means I get flustered easily.
Undiagnosed ADHD until I was in my 30s so I was always in trouble at school for not paying attention which as an 80s child was punished by humiliation eg sitting out in the corridor to be shamed.
I've avoided people for so long now I don't know how to make changes.

I can sympathise . I have suffered with all types of anxiety since I was 14. I struggled with school and left without any qualifications. It’s had a huge impact on my life and I’ve missed out on so much because of it. I’ve had counselling and cbt on and off for years.
I try to take comfort in simple things, and love nature and being outdoors. But life is very hard at times and I do feel it’s got worst the older I’ve got.

It's an issue for adhd people.

Maybe some adhd coaching to help with that. "How to adhd" has YouTube videos on this, too.

You do need adhd-specific strategies as there's extra things to consider.

And you're not thick.

I'm super-bright, still failed exams. We just didn't get the support we needed. Plus extra abuse & bullying.

I'm a lot better now, I'm in my 50s. I've had a lot of practice at masking 😂
But what has helped the most is my ADHD meds and that was very unexpected! It has made me socially confident at work - till it wears off of course, and it's no good for the evening. But I get round that by not doing much in the evening - any peopling that needs doing happens in the morning!

ADHD meds, although I don’t take them anymore.
Age improved things (ie perimenopause)
Understanding I’m an introvert.
Remembering there’s very little I HAVE to do ie able to avoid parties etc if I want.
Pretending I’m someone who’s confident
Modelling to my anxious children/ teens that I can do some things that make me feel worried.
Lots and lots of ‘safe’ time - knowing what makes me happy and doing more of that.

No I just decided to avoid all social situations! Problem solved

I can relate to loving nature and the outdoors that's definitely where I'm happiest.

Thank you I will have a look on YouTube.

I think I have largely gotten over it and what has helped the most is exercise. It gets rid of all the pent up anxiety and jitters, and I feel really confident and happy after exercise. Its helped me in many ways.

I think practice, as well as age and experience, has helped. I ask people about themselves to start conversations, I compliment people, I use humour. I also think being vulnerable and open to people really helps - sharing facts about your life with others helps break down walls between people and leads to finding common ground. I have found the worst thing I can do is try and be someone I'm not. Better to just be open and honest to people about who I am. And people usually respond well to that.

I've built a life that doesnt require much public speaking / exposure to large groups, so I don't have to face the fear much. My job is home-based and involves large amounts of reading and writing in the main, which suits me best. I've found a job that suits my skill set. I socialise but in small groups usually - I love long conversations with people. What I don't love is struggling to be heard in a crowd. I do enjoy going to parties and things like that but I like to exercise before hand to improve confidence and endorphins.

I feel like anything you can do that boosts your own self esteem is the way to beat it - find your strengths and play to those.

I'm probably nearing perimenopause at 41,
I hadn't thought of that making a difference but that gives me some hope.
I agree with not having to go to parties etc, I have to push myself to go to play dates with the dc which I won't lie is excruciating, some say the more you go out of your comfort zone the easier it gets but I find the opposite.

Thats great that you've come so far, I love to walk alone, that's my exercise, I can walk for miles alone with my thoughts or just listening to music.

fWIW OP to me you sound far from thick. Your post is clear and concise and the way you write about yourself indicates you’re emotionally intelligent and genuine. I know numerous people with great results who lack other qualities like empathy, the ability to self-reflect, and basic fucking common sense! Don’t put yourself down 👊

Thank you, that means a lot to me.

I am 42 and awaiting a ADHD diagnosis, I think my 30’s were the worse, felt like I didn’t fit in and hated most social situations, when I got to 40 I kind of realised that I only really get along with other ND people, which is fine, I have friends, they are all a little socially awkward and quirky, I started to care less about how other people saw me and am less anxious about social situations (though a still avoid a lot of them).

I got to a certain age and just got tired of worrying about what other people thought about me. Someone pointed out “you are not the lead role in other people’s lives” I.e other people care more about themselves than they do me! Tbh if I go out to the shops I hardly notice anyone else, let alone what they are wearing etc, so why would they be thinking anything about me 🤷‍♀️

When I was younger, social anxiety wasn't really recognised. I feel your pain, it is tough, even on MN I beat myself up if I post, then think I may have posted the wrong thing. I have had several therapies over the years but EMDR is the only thing that helped me deal with past trauma. I can function well if I mask but if someone close to me says/doesn't say something I expect, it messes with my head and causes me so much stress and headmess. I am great at making friends but crap at keeping them as minor things can cause me to self-question for hours to the extent that being a loner with my animals feels best and I run away emotionally. However, a few steadfast friends over the years have taken the time to get to know me and that part of me that usually runs, stays and is fiercely loyal to those few.

I can understand getting along better with other nd people too, I can recognise myself in people before I even know they have ADHD. I hope you can get your assessment soon.

I feel this way when I'm logically thinking but then as soon as I'm in a social situation I'm not comfortable in, it all gets forgotten and I'm back being a rabbit in headlights looking for the door but I see what you mean and away from it all I couldn't agree more.

I developed it at 19 after a traumatic incident - it was so bad I was basically homebound and a voluntary mute.

Over 10 years of therapy and medication later, it's pretty much totally gone!

I must admit I just had to google EMDR as I haven't heard of it before but that's something I will look into.
I overthink massively too and go over and over things and panic if someone hasn't replied that maybe I've said something wrong, I agree you can't go wrong with animals (and children) don't judge.

That's great that's it's almost gone for you, even if it took a long time but at least there's hope then with hard work.
Does it come and go or was it just gradually fade away?

Yes, I had terrible social anxiety in my teens and 20s. For a period in my mid to late 20s I was on antidepressants which did help a little. Some time in my early 30s the social anxiety just started to go and now in my early 40s I mostly don't give a shit during social interactions.

I can't tell you for sure how or why it went away, unfortunately. I've never had any therapy but I probably should have done as I was so unhappy back then.

I did drop a few friendships that weren't working for me from my late 20s onwards (as in, friends who were very negative about me or bullied me) so maybe that was part of the healing.

I truly hope it improves for you soon.

That's brilliant that it went away, I have used alcohol on occasion as a social crutch and felt amazing, I wish I could feel that way all the time but I know that's not a route I wanted venture down.
I think it started in my teens too and does make you really unhappy.
So pleased for you that you've come through it.