My mum staying

[Sharrison88]

my mum has come to stay with me my husband and 3 children (5,3 and 8 months). She seems to have forgotten how to clean up, help with things (not expecting her to be a maid but a bit of help?) like clear the kitchen, help load dishwasher etc. we cook every night and doesn’t ask if we need help.

anyway, whenever we have the TV on in the day it’s children’s channel (CBeebies, something like that) just so that my 3 yo can amuse himself while I’m doing the odd chore). She has the TV on her channels ALL DAY and expects my 3yo to be interested. The final straw was the news being on, I said I didn’t want it on as they were talking about finding a child dead in their home - my 3yo was sitting on sofa next to her watching it. I said to her to turn it off as I don’t think that’s appropriate for my child to hear and she huffed and puffed?

am I being unreasonable?

Well I think a bit of give and take really.
The Tele that could have the child's thing on sometimes but it won't hurt the child to sometimes have something else on.

Not at all. My mum and dad once came to stay with me for a few months when they'd sold one house and the new one hadn't gone through. My mum is extremely house proud, but before they even got through the door, she was marvelling at how she wouldn't have to do any chores while she was living with me! And she didn't!! We have a strained relationship anyway, but it was bloody horrendous. YANBU, particularly with regard to the television thing. Why is she visiting if she's just watching telly all day anyway?

Sorry I forgot to mention she’s only staying for 5 days

Sounds like not just my mum but my dad too. Added to it is especially mother's OCD over cleanliness and clutter. Last time descended into horrible behaviour of them wanting to be waited on according to their schedule including waking up 6am noisily and picking me up on my kids things lying around. Never once tidied up after themselves or offered kitchen help. I try to limit tv and my dad had it on constantly. Once even demanded the remote off my 3 year old watching cbeebies (less than 10 mins) - this was in their house but still!!
I don't invite them round anymore. Especially now I have a toddler and can't give them a perfect show home.

My mum lives alone and really enjoys not having to cook or do householding for a few days. She’s perfectly tidy but doesn’t offer help and since she’s 83 I wouldn’t accept it anyway.

Why are you in the house with the TV on all day? Can’t you organise a few little outings? Or get her involved with playing with the children?

So she is your guest for five days and you want her to do housework?? Not on! My family visit and its lovely if they help but I would NEVER expect it! As far as tv is concerned, a three year old is not going to take up what is going on with the news.....maybe encourage her to play with him whilst she is watching the tv, but I really couldn't get upset over this. YABU

I understand, she could help a bit.

How is your relationship with them generally? Mines never been great, I have a narcissistic mother so tbh I can't really expect anything from her for myself or my children in my adult life.

Bloody hell she is a guest.

She hasn't moved in with you but you are expecting her to clean your house and put up with having to watch CBeebies all day?

What kind of host are you?

YABVU

Yanbu! I would have been raging about the television thing! is she mentally sound? ffs.

And, unless she's very old or infirm, I would expect her to help with a little bit of table clearing, kitchen clearing, making cups of tea etc. You would do the same in her house wouldn't you OP?

Then it's really not a big deal. Your three-year-old can cope without CBeebies for five days.

Fair enough to ask her to turn of something that wasn't appropriate for your child to hear, but I suspect the huffing from your mum was a lot more about the way you asked.

It's 5 days, she is a guest, treat her like one but don't pander to her every whim.
Ask her for help, use your words.

I thought she was being a bit unreasonable at first because she was staying for months... 5 days. She's a guest. She visiting for a few days, she's not going to think she should be running around doing chores!

And it's probably better for your 3 year old not to be just sat in front of CBeebies. She can watch the news etc. It's the news.

I’d find it rude her not helping as that’s not how my family acts in each others houses. Ask her to help though and just change the channel over after a bit

If she lived with you I would understand, but she’s only there for five days which puts her in guest territory..

Sounds familiar. My mum does this and it drives me insane. She literally sits there waiting to be waited on. Then complains lm not doing things fast enough. For clarity lm not being inefficient but for example peeling enough potatoes for 8 people takes time! Even on my wedding day she was like this, l was dashing round sorting last minute things and battling morning sickness. But she wouldn’t do anything even when asked. Dishing out fruit salad l had the previous day and heating up croissants was too arduous apparently

She shouldn’t be monopolising the TV though. Ok your 3 year of shouldn’t be watching what they want all day and neither should she

My answer would depend on her age and capability.

She's a guest, so I wouldn't expect her to join in with the day to day cleaning. If my mum was with me for 5 days I'd want her to relax & be taken care of.

OP clearly says "not be a maid, but a bit of help".

She also has 3 children under 5 including an 8 month old baby.

My Mum was 69 and 71 when my children were born and when she came to stay when they were young she would do anything she was capable of to help out. Or at least not make extra work in having to look after her.

I think it's a highly unusual mother who would expect to be treated as a guest in those circumstances and think some of the replies on this thread are absolutely batshit and outright lies, quite frankly.

I hate guests that just sit there taking up a room.

Most of these replies are bonkers OP. You have three young children. Anyone close enough to be staying for five days, never mind the children's grandmother and your mum, should be acting like any other adult in the family and that means pitching in on day to day chores. None of my family would have so much as a cup of tea in each other's houses without expecting to pitch in. Who wants a guest staying for 5 days when they expect to not lift a finger? Beggars belief and is really rude to boot.

I'd be getting really annoyed if my dm said I wasn't doing things fast enough

How about you do it then or go home

Mind you I got fed up with my dm at Christmas not helping.

Even if they dry up or clear table it is a help

Thanks for the replies. I have been ill all week with tonsillitis. Also forgot to mention that 😂

Yep, l find it infuriating as well. She was asked to do the washing up with my brother, did a poor job and most of it had to be re-done. To be fair l had purchased, prepared and cooked Christmas dinner for 8. I’m not doing everything