To think you can worry too much about the future?

[Garlibread]

I’m a forward planner by nature. I wonder how our finances will look next year. How we will afford to upsize. Whether I’ll still be in the same job in ten years. It never occurred to me until recently that actually lots of people are just winging it and playing things by ear… at first, that sounded stressful to me, but all of those people seem a LOT happier and less frazzled.

I am spending more time in the future worrying about decisions that will be made in years to come than in the present and failing to concentrate on ‘now’. I wish I could take things day by day more. Is anyone else like me? How did you stop it?

You can worry too much - some things are out of your control.

I just try and look to tomorrow and maybe next week or month

Tomorrow is not promised.

I'm like you OP but have realised that unforeseen (positive and negative) things pop up

Read 'The Power of Now:

This is true (ignorance truly is bliss!), but do you really want to leave yourself unprepared for the future? A little planning is okay. I'm similar and I've started using a mindfulness app to train myself to be more in the moment It's early days but I can see the value already

Worrying is a pointless activity. If you can do something, do it otherwise why worry?
I know it's easier said than done but worrying really does nothing but raise your blood pressure.

You can worry too much of course but I think a bit of forward planning is a good thing as long as doing it isn't preventing you from enjoying the here and now.

I agree. Hard not to though when decisions you make today can affect your future.
Very hard to get a balance between good financial planning and living in the moment and enjoying what you have.
Particularly annoying as a couple when one of you is a planner and the other isn’t. Feels like you’re doing all the boring and stressful grunt work whilst someone else reaps the rewards of your good prudence.

It’s hard to say but I’ve learnt to let some things go, leave others to fate and that planning is not always helpful as plans change so often
On the other hand I’m a productive worrier so always have an informal plan a b c d e and a few more even which helps
I used to be mega organised and meticulous about things but it was exhausting
For example financially I used to check and cross reference every statement both bank and credit cards and store cards etc - then realised they were so rarely wrong it was pointless, I used to file my receipts - now unless it’s something likely to go wrong I just throw them away and only check a statement if I feel it’s hugely different to what I thought
I started valuing my time especially leisure time more the older I’ve got

Planning is positive it so is living for the now. I have known people family included to spend so much time worrying and saving and depriving themselves of trips / new experiences etc to save and store for the future. To then pass away the year they retirement or the year after it so essentially they missed everything.

I really believe sort the essentials and make memories in the now while you can. My luck I will live to 97!

I think back over the years at how much time I spent worrying about things that never happened. What a waste.
So now, when I catch myself worrying about the future, or bad thoughts start spiralling, I try to remember all the times in the past when I’d worried for nothing.
It‘s easier said than done sometimes, but it’s a start.

I spent some time being conscious of my thinking and switching to more positive thoughts.

Obviously there are times when things go to shit and you need to deal with them, but focusing on my thoughts meant I wasn’t ruining my life by worrying about these unpredictable situations until they cropped up (or didn’t, as most often happened!).

I think the the middle ground here is to prepare enough that you have options in your future.

You can’t realistically plan for all eventualities… you should be planning for the known ones. But that sweet spot is to plan for possible scenarios but to have enough flexibility for those plans to cover multiple ’what ifs’

For example when DH and I bought our house we bought one that either of us could comfortably pay the mortgage on a single salary. This covered several possibilities… job loss, sickness, divorce, death. For the past 10 years or so we’ve been concentrating on retirement savings. We’re now just starting to have real discussions about timing and plans but regardless the work and savings that we’ve been doing will allow us to go in several different directions.

I was always a planner. When DH died very suddenly it taught me a) how futile that is and b) what a waste of time it is. So many things I wish I’d done with him but we didn’t because we were saving for the future or whatever. Now I try to make choices that will be good for me, but primarily with the short term in mind. Living for today, not tomorrow.

I used to worry about all sorts of things. Most of them never happened. The one thing that did happen was the one I didn't see - and couldn't have seen - coming, right up till I was looking out of a hospital room window at 3pm on a Friday thinking "well, what the fuck now?"

If this was a Hollywood film I'd survive and never worry about anything else ever again, but it's real life so a bit different. But it does change your perspective. Having things in place that you feel give you options that work for you is great. Quite often they won't pan out as you predict but they might put you on a good footing. Building multi-stage what-if scenarios is pointless. And some things, usually the big ones, you have no control over.

Don't stand with one foot in the past, one foot in the future, pissing all over today. Life can be short, please don't waste it worrying.

I used to worry all the time about everything, then I started mindfulness meditation and now I'm much happier! I do still worry about the big things and I'm still a planner, but my worries are more in proportion and I waste less energy worrying about things that I have no control over.

My parents worried about anything and everything. Every time they changed their car they had sleepless nights worrying if they had done the right thing. They missed out on so much with constantly worrying about what could go wrong. It drove me mad.

I plan for the future, hoping I get one and live in the present. Nothing I saw Mum and Dad worrying about ever happened. Honestly, life is too short to waste years worrying and it changes nothing.

Great thread. I worry but plan more. DS is going to private school this year (age 10) and the financial planning I've done is insane. I'm literally planning what we will be spending in 2029 and don't even get me started on my retirement calculations!
I see this kind of stuff as productive though. I can't understand people who 'haven't thought about pensions' or just fly by the seat of their pants. Part of me is envious, they probably don't have the busy mind I have, but I need to feel like I've planned for anything that can happen. A comfort blanket perhaps.

I think it depends on what it is. It's pointless to worry about things you can't control. It's also good to factor in risks and plan for them, I'd call it being prepared. Although I'm a worrier too so maybe not the best person to comment!

Having some short and long term goals is good as is having some savings, a pension and things like insurance for the unexpected. Worrying about things that you cant control if you will you have a job in 10 years is pointless.

I used to over worry I now very much try and live in the moment. It is much better!

I try and make good choices now that will improve my future whilst making the most of what is happening. Moneywise this means I pay into a pension and have a little bit for emergencies but make sure I do fun things now. I am not interested in the least in material things so spent it doing fun things. Works for me.

I think it's about striking a sensible balance. Ensuring you enjoy life now (because the future may well go fine/longevity is not guaranteed) but also making some provision for the future.

I've become quite ill and I am glad we have some savings. But I am also so very glad we enjoyed life too. Those memories are helping me through some tough days.

I'm a worrier and my DP is very much not. He has so much joy in his life (which he also brings to mine!) and everything always works out for him in the end. I'm like a frazzled ping pong bouncing from one concern to the other, with spreadsheets to check and support it all.

I'm trying to be more like DP because I feel like I'm doing an awful lot to try and prepare for every scenario and it's exhausting. I'll be following this thread with interest.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind.
The kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Wear Sunscreen

As I've got older (not that I'm old 😂; I'm 44), the more I have realised that this is true.