Thinking my 2 year olds speech delay is my fault?

[Gruffalowhydidntyouknow]

NC for this as I feel awful.
At my sons 2 year review he could say a handful of words so we were asked to come back in three months to reassess.
Last week was the appointment and He started saying two 3 word sentences and a few more words but HV has referred him to speech therapy saying he’s slightly delayed.
She said it was hard to get his attention, for him to listen to instructions.

He’s always been a very head strong, confident boy. Walking, climbing early etc. But was Always slightly behind on communication (speech / gestures) I always had slight concerns but I was always reassured by family he’ll talk when he wants to.. I feel incredibly guilty now, that I should have spoke to HV sooner and trusted my gut. I’ve done so much research since he’s been referred last week. I don’t feel I did all the advice it said - regarding talking lots to baby etc. I did talk to him of course but not like I see in these videos.
I did suffer from PPD so it’s a bit of a haze but I remember on his 1 year review they gave advice on communicating (singing/reading) which I did do.
I just feel it’s all my bloody fault. Has anyone got any advice ?

My two year old is speech delayed. I'm not too bothered as I have two other kids, one of whom was also speech delayed and is a chatterbox now. My first child was speaking loads by 2 and I certainly never did anything special with him.

What stands out to me is the difficulty in getting his attention. I would ask the GP for a referral for a hearing test.

My three dds were all had severe speech delays. I lost count of the number of people who told me that their child talked young, “but of course, I talked to them all the time.” I wanted to answer, “you mean I shouldn’t have locked them in the cupboard under the stairs Harry Potter style.”

My dds are now 16, 20 and 23. They all went to grammar school, and have excellent verbal skills.

Some children are just late speakers. Assuming you haven’t used the cupboard under the stairs, I very much doubt you have done anything wrong.

Hello, sorry you feel like that. I had the same with my oldest dd I stressed a lot when she was younger, she is 4 now and still behind but very happy and I don’t worry anymore. She had glue ear and 2 sets of grommets so get that checked asap - I thought her hearing was fine initially as she seemed to understand well but she did have moderate hearing loss. I felt I was to blame somehow.
My youngest dd is 2 and has had far less attention (1 to 1 time etc) then my oldest had and is pretty advanced with her speech so I think it just depends on the child.

You shouldn’t feel guilt and it’s good you’re getting support now and he is still very young.

Have his hearing checked as first port of call.

My first was an early talker, my middle was pretty average and my
third had a speech delay. I chatted to them all, they are just different children.

It’s very positive that the health visitor has referred him to S&LT. I agree with the above poster that he should also have a hearing test, the speech therapist may ask for that before seeing him.

I expressed concerns about DS at his 2 year check and was dismissed. Friends told me his speech was delayed because he was a boy and they are lazy. He was when he finally saw a S&LT after I pushed for a referral and then had extensive therapy for a while.

My niece wasn't understandable until 5 years old. She's now 9, you can't shut her up and is performing on stage. Don't blame yourself. Kids develop at their own rate.

I don't think they do anything for speech delay much earlier than this anyway. It's really only at the 2 year review you can definitely say it's a delay.

Stop beating yourself up. Your doing great

So you’ve always talked to him, read to him, sung to him? And you’ve engaged with the health visitor program?
Sounds to me like you’ve done everything right.
He might just be on the slower side of language acquisition (which as other posters have said, often means nothing about what their language will be like by the time they are school age). Or there might be a reason. He might be shy and not like having people he doesn’t know try to attract his attention. He might have some hearing issues - which could be a simple as a few ear infections or glue ear. He may have some developmental delay for whatever reason but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
Don’t worry about being a perfect mother. Paying attention to your kid every day + meeting their physical needs makes you enough. You’ve been talking to him since birth (or maybe even before that?) If there is an issue it’s going to be picked up now because you’ve been taking him to the standard screening appointments.

My DS has a slight speech delay. He barely spoke until he was about 3 and now has speech therapy around school. I could have done everything perfectly and I think he'd still be absolutely the same. It's definitely not something to beat yourself up about at all.

It’s not your fault. It actually sounds like he’s doing ok anyway, but they wouldn’t have done anything before now.
My eldest had a speech delay and I always blamed myself. Had so much advice like ‘just read to him’ ‘talk to him’ etc which would drive me mad. Of course I was doing these things! In fact I spent hours reading, singing, narrating my day etc and nothing. Since having more dc who spoke early etc (and got a lot less of my time!) I now know it really wasn’t my fault, he just wasn’t interested in speaking until later. Some children talk earlier. Please don’t blame yourself it sounds like you’ve done everything right!

My ds had 10 words at 2. I wrote each word in his baby book!! I never thought it was my fault . Also l never thought it was my great parenting that saw my dd talk in full sentences by 2. They are who they are. Sounds like you did everything that actually might influence his language.
My ds now works in a job where talking is his main skill...marketing and my dd is a women of few words. So don't blame yourself. Just follow the therapist' advise.

@Gruffalowhydidntyouknow some update?

Hi! I had completely forgot to reply to this thread.
So he’s just turned 3 and his communication and speech has really come along since my post but he is still behind. He’s saying new words everyday and more sentences so I’m don’t feel as worried now. We had our first SLT appointment a few weeks ago where she didn’t seem too concerned and I’m just waiting to hear what the next step will
be. He’s also in nursery 5 mornings a week now too which is really helping with his vocabulary and they really good with him.