Should I have a third child if I have a strong urge but

[Tellmepl]

As the title says should I plan to have a third child if I have a strong urge but I know it would mean that if we only have two then we won't have to move to a bigger home than current, bigger car than current, able to send two DC to private schools for secondary, more one to one time for both parents with the two DC as both parents would be working full time?
But having a third DC would mean bigger family, more love and laughter, more companionship and life long relationships for the DC considering we don't have any other family in this country.
Financially we can easily afford a third but it's more about the attention on the DC and provide them the best we can.
I am feeling a strong urge and I am mid 30s while DH is 40.
Can you give me some perspective.

You're making a lot of assumptions about your relationships of/ with your children long term. There's no guarantee they will get on or stay here. Have a third child because you want a third child, not because you think your other two need another companion.

Pp is right. Your kids might emigrate and not get on with each other as adults.

On the other hand, can your family afford bigger house etc? What are your local state schools like? It’s hard to judge the private schooling because not all schools in each sector are the same.

Thanks @BoohooWoohoo and @GreyhpundGirl it does makes sense. The local state primary schools are great and there's an outstanding comprehensive secondary in the catchment as well. There are two very good private schools near our home as well. We don't have a grammar school nearby but that's a different story.
So, overall our current home meets the needs for schools etc.
Our existing house is a 4 bed so both DC have their own rooms but we would want to give each DC their own room so will need to move to a bigger house as we both work from home so need an office space.

If I was mid-thirties and could afford to have more children, I would 100% go for it. Don't let private school fees be your determining factor. If you are affluent, you probably live in a good school area anyway and you can always afford private tutors even if the kids go to state school.

Could you build a home office at the bottom of the garden? Could you look at converting the garage or extending into the loft if you wanted to stay in your current house?

We have no family in our country either, we have 2 children, that's not a reason to have a third.

@BreakingAndBroke thanks for the suggestions. We have a brick built garage in the garden which we have been thinking about converting to an office space. That's an option. House prices around us have gone up so would be ideal to stay in this house and not have to move.

I am one of three and, even with the best will in the world and a SAHM, my parents were stretched too thin with three children. There were a number of times when the needs of one of us (educational, social or medical) were compromised due to the needs of another child. Large age gaps and my parents being 'older' - although younger than you would be - didn't help.

I think the baby stage would be the easy part, it is when the third child develops their own interests and activities that your problems would start, especially with large age gaps. Not to mention educational support, both in terms of learning and financial support.

The mothers of three that I know seem to be run ragged! Plus your DH can kiss early retirement goodbye as he will have a child going through university in his sixties.

Oh and one of my parents was dead before my youngest sibling was a fully independent adult. :(

I never planned to have 3 DC earlier but all of a sudden this broodiness has kicked in. I am still trying to make sense of it. DH is onboard with whatever I decide and is generally supportive.

@AnonyLonnymouse sorry to hear about your experience of your parent passing away early. I am one of four so kind of relate to the experience you mentioned and the chaos. I never thought I will be planning a third but recently broodiness has kicked in for a third. Our DC are still very young so wouldn't be large age difference, just difference of 2 years between each of them.

Thanks. It's funny, I never really thought about it growing up (although I was always aware that we were a larger family than others - most of my friends had one sibling) but have reappraised things as I have gone along my own parenting journey. School, homework, activities - it all requires a lot more input from parents than it did in years gone by!

Who knows what the outcome might be if you have three? I have three, close in age and all now in their twenties. All in different locations (one in Australia) and they're just arranging now to speak on Whatsapp on Saturday morning. We didn't have much money when they were small, as I didn't work, but we managed. Holidays were mainly camping, so the prospect of camping at festivals holds no fears for them. We've now put the three of them through University, supporting them with my salary. They get on extremely well and are very supportive of each other and that's very much the environment they've been brought up in. More by luck than judgement, they all ended up in the same town for University and have been there for each other through good and more difficult times.

Of the parents I can think of, who we've known and been close to at school, around 15 have three children, another two have four and about half a dozen have two or one. I wouldn't say any of those with three or four are run any more ragged than those with one or two children.

If I had the time, money and inclination I would have a larger family. My DH has one and though he and his siblings are not best friends I see how they enrich each others lives, not to mention their parents. More so as they've gotten older, and a lot more since they've started having children of their own.

I’ve been feeling a strong urge for another baby, but it isn’t a child I want. I just want that baby.

Luckily my dh had the snip so I won’t be having anymore children

I was ready to tumble straight into having a third child after my first two who are very close in age. My husband is one of three and was firmly against it. We decided not to. Our situation was very similar to yours

It may be confirmation bias but just this week I said I'm so pleased we didn't have three. My boys are now young teens and both have had times when they've needed a lot from us - my eldest was diagnosed with ADHD when younger and his needs were enormously demanding at the time. He's now doing amazingly but my youngest has been having a number of quite serious struggles. I'm so pleased he's not a middle child

Of course we would have managed and our kids bring unimaginable joy but we both work full time and I honestly would have felt like I was spread much too thinly if there had been another child in the mix.

Hormones are so bossy sometimes.

I think this is one of things that you can't decide using logic. You have to go with whatever you feel is best. There are too many variables to consider.

I had four but I think two is a good number. We've been able to help buy houses for our kids but I'd be nervous that would be the case if we had had them now rather than 25-30 years ago.