Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect the toilet flushed?!??

35 replies

Willow39 · 18/01/2024 12:32

Living with my boyfriend of 2 years and I'm getting sick of the way he lives. If it's relevant, we have a 60/40 split on bills as he earns more than me. He works from home full time, I am hybrid. Our agreement for chores is that he shops for, plans and cooks all our food and takes the bins out. I do laundry, keep the house clean and do the dishes. I made it very clear that by cleaning, it doesn't mean I'm his maid who will pick up after him and he has to do the basics still. Ie flush the toilet, rubbish in the bin, put dishes in the sink.

But this is what I deal with...

Towels strewn all over the house and dumped wherever he's taken them off? On the sofa, kitchen table, bed etc. if he ever 'hangs' them up he just twists and crumples them really weirdly so they'll never dry
He'll use the kitchen tea towels to wipe food off the sides even though we have kitchen roll? I don't want to dry my hands on a tea towel covered in bolognese sauce lol!!!

Rubbish left on the coffee table, kitchen sides etc instead of being put in the bin, empty glasses/plates left everywhere, shoes in the middle of the hall, tissues everywhere!! Coasters never used so our furniture is damaged. He won't take the empty toilet roll off the holder and change it, he'll just leave it there, take another roll and leave it on the floor.

He doesn't even flush the toilet every time! Every other day he leaves piss in the toilet as he just hasn't bothered to flush it. Every time I find it like that I walk up to him and ask him to flush but it doesn't seem to get into his head. I know if I ignore and flush it then it will just continue so I bring it to his attention when he does.

He is very agreeable and sorts it out whenever I point it out but it doesn't stick. I feel myself becoming the 'nagging woman' but how on earth am I meant to get him to sort this out? I feel like they're just small things but it really annoys me when he does this!

He also has a nasty habit of just feeding our cat off our plates instead of being bothered to wash her food bowl? It's just pure laziness. I asked why he always uses our plates and he said 'because it's bad for a cat to eat off something dirty.' To which I replied, wash her bowl then! If I'm out for the day, I'll come back to 3 plates on the floor where he's fed the cat and not picked any up?

How do I train my boyfriend to do these little things? Do I need to start giving him treats when he remembers to flush the loo or what? 😂

OP posts:
ad123456 · 17/04/2024 16:02

Willow39 · 18/01/2024 12:32

Living with my boyfriend of 2 years and I'm getting sick of the way he lives. If it's relevant, we have a 60/40 split on bills as he earns more than me. He works from home full time, I am hybrid. Our agreement for chores is that he shops for, plans and cooks all our food and takes the bins out. I do laundry, keep the house clean and do the dishes. I made it very clear that by cleaning, it doesn't mean I'm his maid who will pick up after him and he has to do the basics still. Ie flush the toilet, rubbish in the bin, put dishes in the sink.

But this is what I deal with...

Towels strewn all over the house and dumped wherever he's taken them off? On the sofa, kitchen table, bed etc. if he ever 'hangs' them up he just twists and crumples them really weirdly so they'll never dry
He'll use the kitchen tea towels to wipe food off the sides even though we have kitchen roll? I don't want to dry my hands on a tea towel covered in bolognese sauce lol!!!

Rubbish left on the coffee table, kitchen sides etc instead of being put in the bin, empty glasses/plates left everywhere, shoes in the middle of the hall, tissues everywhere!! Coasters never used so our furniture is damaged. He won't take the empty toilet roll off the holder and change it, he'll just leave it there, take another roll and leave it on the floor.

He doesn't even flush the toilet every time! Every other day he leaves piss in the toilet as he just hasn't bothered to flush it. Every time I find it like that I walk up to him and ask him to flush but it doesn't seem to get into his head. I know if I ignore and flush it then it will just continue so I bring it to his attention when he does.

He is very agreeable and sorts it out whenever I point it out but it doesn't stick. I feel myself becoming the 'nagging woman' but how on earth am I meant to get him to sort this out? I feel like they're just small things but it really annoys me when he does this!

He also has a nasty habit of just feeding our cat off our plates instead of being bothered to wash her food bowl? It's just pure laziness. I asked why he always uses our plates and he said 'because it's bad for a cat to eat off something dirty.' To which I replied, wash her bowl then! If I'm out for the day, I'll come back to 3 plates on the floor where he's fed the cat and not picked any up?

How do I train my boyfriend to do these little things? Do I need to start giving him treats when he remembers to flush the loo or what? 😂

Sorry but the cat eating off his plate..,,, I'd run a mile

TipsyKoala · 17/04/2024 16:12

He’s not going to change. You need to accept that’s what he’s like if you want to be with him. You could reorganise your tasks so that he does more cleaning, then he might realise how much mess he leaves behind him.

alovelynight · 17/04/2024 16:22

He sounds like a waste of space.

Coldupnorth87 · 17/04/2024 16:28

Go read some of the posts from women trying to work, wrangle toddlers, manage the house...

Years of resentment, exhaustion, gaslighting, default parenting, all built up into a situation where they only have nuclear options.

Avoid this, either by explaining about mental load and respect. He will either get it and things change or you change things permanently, preferable before you are beyond the end of your tether and financially trapped.

GoodHeavens99 · 17/04/2024 16:36

SauvignonBlonk · 17/04/2024 11:37

All of that would be a deal breaker for me.
I’d move out and leave him.
I refuse to pick up after adults that have the ability but not the desire.

Me too.
Any attraction i felt for him would deflate like a soufflé in a cupboard.

Luckymama2014 · 17/04/2024 16:41

the toilet would probably annoy me the least out of all the things you have mentioned, but to be fair they wouldn't annoy me for long as that is why i believe you live with someone before marrying, find these things out, then be very thankful you can just walk away. Move on and find someone that can actually function as an adult.

Unopenedpackofmenssocks · 17/04/2024 16:41

ad123456 · 17/04/2024 16:02

Sorry but the cat eating off his plate..,,, I'd run a mile

She doesn’t mean the cat eats human food off the plates that humans are using. What is happening is that he has to feed the cat and the cat’s bowl is dirty so he gets a clean human bowl off the shelf and puts the cat’s food in that.

Unopenedpackofmenssocks · 17/04/2024 16:45

Have you met his parents? He’s clearly been indulged all his life.

This is tricky. He knows you find his habits tiresome and rude because you’ve told him. He is ignoring you.

You should be alive to this as an indication of how much he cares.

Then you have to make a decision- do you deserve better?

I think he needs to read that article the bloke wrote about “my wife divorced me because I left a cup by the sink”. I’ll see if I can find it.

StridTheKiller · 17/04/2024 16:49

Reward chart with stickers.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread