To have cold hands? In January? In the north?

[Acunningruse]

According to DH, yes I am...

Twice in the last week i have initiated sex, and twice he has recoiled as apparently my hands were too cold- I should point out at this point my hands were on his back/chest- not anywhere that might be sensitive to cold!

I am annoyed as it is January, we live in the north- it is cold. I also have cold hands, I always have, but I am basically offering to warm him up!

We argued after it happened last night and he is saying my cold hands are a "turn off" and asking me to warm them up before I get in bed.

I am in a huff as I think most men would just be happy their wives want to have sex with them and would get warmed up pretty quickly?!

Genuinely don't know who is being unreasonable here. No other issues in the relationship, both got January blues after a Christmas holiday which probably isn't helping.

AIBU- warm your hands up before bed
YANBU- DH needs to get over it

Hand warmers £1 for 2 in tesco!

I mean chests and backs are sensitive to cold hands 😂 warm your hands up!

I'd be recoiling if DH pawed me with ice hands, definitely a turn off! I hate the cold!

It is very common for people not to want cold hands touching their skin, because it feels unpleasant.

You should respect other people's boundaries - your husband has said he doesn't like it, so why do you want to make him tolerate it?

@Notfeelinghunkydory see this is FAR too sensible a compromise 

@Midnlghtrain I meant "that" area but fair point...

There is no shame in having cold hands, but it is absurdly easy to warm them up.

As it is at least impolite to do things that make your partner feel uncomfortable, why wouldn't you?

@LightSwerve i don't want to MAKE him tolerate it. I am just feeling rejected, and a voice in my head is saying "surely it's not that big a deal, if you fancy someone?"

I wouldn't want to be touched by cold hands. Though I have been known to place my cold feet on men's legs in bed, knowing they're going to be annoyed...

I'll joke with my DH if his hands are cold, but I wouldn't ever turn down sex because of it.

Is that the only time he says no?

It is though. And you have my sympathy because I permanently have ice for hands and feet (or as DH calls them, corpse feet).

But being touched by very cold things when you're warm can border on painful - anyone ever put a cold can on your neck when you're hot and you've not expected it?

Don't see it as a rejection of you because it isn't. It's a statement and request that you warm your hands up prior.

Though I hope he was kind about it.

He's right

If DH touched me with cold hands he'd know about it... but he knows better than to come near me between October and March haha

You need to turn this around in your head.

Your DH has the right to say if something is not pleasant. Cold hands are not pleasant for him.

Saying 'if you fancied me you would let me do something you dislike' is coercive - I appreciate you have only said it in your head, but that mindset is not healthy.

Next time you make a move wear gloves. Better still, glove puppets - see how he reacts to that

Well how would you feel if you were being pawed with cold hands??

No one likes cold hands on their back but you seem to think because you're offering sex, your cold hands should be ignored?

Such double standards!

YABVU. Cold hands touching anywhere on the torso is deeply unpleasant IMO.

And I say this as someone who gets very cold hands and corpse feet. I can't even bear to touch my own naked torso in bed when my hands are cold.

I think my DH is very noble when he offers to warm my feet for me