Aibu to ask for childcare despite knowing this

[pinkfrosting]

Hi I came here this evening to ask if I'm BU or if my husband is.
My husband's friend is getting married in a few weeks and both of us have been invited. My husband's family have been invited too.

The plan was I would ask my mum to mind dc for the night but really it would be two nights as I'd have to drop them over the night before so that we can go, however the last few months she's mentioned to me she's been in pain and is now referred for surgery. She hasn't got a date yet she's expecting to get it done soon and she will be immobile afterwards for a while.

I've now said I can't go to the wedding as I don't want to ask my mum to mind dc as I know she will despite being in pain.

My husband disagrees with me and thinks that one night would be ok and if she gets a date for the surgery that clashes with the wedding then obviously that changes things but for now he doesn't understand my reluctance to ask her to mind dc.

Our children aren't babies but they're still young. I still feel it's wrong to ask her. Getting a babysitter is not an option, I've never left my children overnight with anyone who wasn't family.
I'm just looking for your thoughts please. Thanks

Op I'd ask your mum, make it clear you won't be upset if she says no.

I'd leave money for a takeaway so she isn't cooking dinner for them and I'd be telling the kids especially the 12yo they have to help Granny if she needs it.

Drop them fed and ready for bed on the Friday, but make it a bit earlier than 9pm, say 8pm, and make up their beds so your mum doesn't have to. Maybe bring your own bedlinen and towels so you can take it away with you when you collect them on the Sunday, save her having to do all the extra washing. Your DH can be making up the beds while you check in with your mum, see how she's doing. You'll already have told your DC that nana's got a sore knee and they must 'be good' during their visit.

The very early start on the Saturday doesn't sound good for anyone, but the late-ish drop-off on |Friday sounds very doable.

I think you should ask your mum she might like the distraction from thinking about her knee pain.
Id also drop at bed time Friday night, makes life easier for everyone

Up to your Mum. I'm on husband's side of she's happy to have them they're old enough not to be running her ragged, in fact they could even be helpful to her.

Why don't you get a babysitter but ask your mum to stay there too?

@Passingthethyme my mum will only mind the children in her house as she feels more comfortable in her own surroundings and would hate anyone coming in to babysit the kids whilst she was there but I know what you mean it would be someone on hand to help out.

Do you think she would be able to deal with and emergency if it happened? My childminder always said she wasn't happy to be minding if she wasn't able to get the kids to A and E in an emergency (eg calling a taxi or having a friend/relative on hand to take you). Very unlikely to happen, but might be a factor in how comfortable she feels saying yes.

Thank you for all the answers and suggestions. I think I'm going to go down and see how she is myself over the weekend before I ask as it would give me a better idea how she is moving round.

Having a babysitter help is something that would make sense for little kids who need physical care. But your kids are beyond that stage, they don't need Granny to physically wash and dress them or bum wipe.

Even if the little ones don't do that great a job of self care its only a couple of nights. I'd agree with getting the 7 & 5 yo into pjs teeth done before you drop off on Friday night.
My 12 yo wouldn't be seen dead outside in pjs but wouldn't need help either.

I think at those ages, it might be a ok and that's a good idea to see how she is yourself. Could you ask a friend to be on call if needed? I'd do it for someone if they needed it. Hope you manage to figure something out!

I’m sure it’ll be fine. Drop them over Friday night ready for bed. You could even pay for a takeaway for Saturday. The 12 year old could help out a bit. Tell them granny has a bad knee and to behave themselves.

At those ages I would ask your mum, the 12 year old can help make food, help youngest dress etc too. Very different to if they were all little

I’d drop the night before so they’re straight to bed and look to get back earlier than 3pm on the Sunday. If it’s only a few hours away then surely you could be back by lunchtime if you get up at a reasonable time on the Sunday morning?

Agree also that the ages of your kids mean your mum shouldn’t need to do masses for them.

Tell the dc that they need to look after Granny too for the weekend.
They’ll be really proud of themselves if they think they’ve been little adults.
You could also make sure all food is there and easy to prep and serve.

Could your 12 yo 'babysit' at granny's and your Mum 'supervise'
You could offer to pay them/buy a new game. Tell your mum you are trying to encourage them to help more

I agree with your husband, ask your mum if she feels up to it and if she does and doesn't clash with surgery it's fine. X

I would check with your mum and also talk to your oldest.

I waited for a knee op when DD was 11 and DH was also on a business trip twice and I had issues walking and squatting. DD was fab, helped a lot so I could basically just sit. I am sure your 12 year old can help with the younger one and your mum.

Tell your mum that you pay for food for both nights and bring all gadgets so the children are ok. It won't hurt them being on electronics for a day.
Maybe offer to pay for a cinema visit.

Yeah ask her but make it very clear that if she will find it too much you don’t mind at all if she says no. The 12yr old can help and leave money for a takeaway or get some pizzas (whatever she’s more comfortable with).