Small noise making

[GummiBeari]

DH snaps at me whenever I yawn, chew, or even put on lotion around him! He has sound sensitivity and can’t stand certain noises like a spoon stirring in a tea cup. He especially hates breathing and mouth noises. But he doesn’t mind people eating around him if he’s eating too. (He says his chewing drowns out noise of other chewing.) In case you’re wondering, DH is 100% not austistic in any way. It’s just a weird trait of his. Also his snapping isn’t mean-spirited or extreme. He’ll just exclaim “please stop!” Or “nickname! Stooop!”

I think he should deal with it better and let me be. I never eat around him (without him eating too) if I can help it. I also do my best to yawn silently. But that one’s really annoying for me. I want to yawn with abandon when in the privacy of my own home!

Is anyone here a misophonist (sound hater) in this style or married to a misophonist?

More importantly, who is being unreasonable?

YABU - I am and should cater more to his sensitivity.
YANBU - he should learn to deal with it better and let me make small noises in peace.

YABU - misophonia is horrible, those kind of sounds are like torture. Surely you cam be careful with at least the ones that agge the him most? He can't realistically expect you to never make any noise though.

I’m sensitive to sounds and my DH has got louder eating and drinking recently. It’s very rare that I mention it because I would hate him to feel self conscious in his own home, but it does sometimes. Drive me bonkers.
Neither of YABU

Edited for spelling mistake

If he could control his misophonia, he would.

I have it, and mouth noises get me particularly, too. Luckily my OH has learnt to not slap his gob when eating, it's not hard. Can you just eat quieter, because that's something you do have some control over whereas misophonia you don't - it's very hard to deal with.

Other than that, there are some special earplugs that are meant to help, which may help the yawning and other noises.

Being paranoid about every sound you make sounds like a horrible way to live.

How long has he had such a high level of sensitivity? Has he tried anything to have less impact on you, like wearing loop ear plugs?

Misophonia is very difficult.

If he is being lighthearted, I think it is OK. Try your best not to do it, and he should try his best to be tolerant when you do.

If he could control his misophonia, he would

Obviously he can't control his misophonia, but what he can do is accept that it's his problem to manage and not the OP's.

It is not reasonable to snap 'Stop!' at someone for doing incredibly normal daily things like stirring a cup of tea or yawning. It's not OK to expect other people to live their lives in complete silence, or to snap at them for yawning or eating a biscuit, just because he happens to suffer from a particular hyper-sensitivity condition.

If I hated the sound of, eg, whistling or humming, and my DP kept constantly doing that around me knowing how much I hated it, then yes, that would be a reasonable thing to snap about. But if I hated basic, necessary stuff like people yawning or stirring a cup of tea? I would absolutely not be justified in snapping about that, however much it made me wince/cringe/shudder. It's like snapping at someone for breathing or blinking.

Try your best not to do it

So she can't eat a bloody biscuit in her own home unless her husband wants one too?

He’s an adult, and need to learn how to control his behaviour.

You can’t live a normal life, if you are stressing out about every little noise. It’s ok to ask people to be quieter, but do it respectfully.

I sort of understand. Both me and DH get this thing where someone else eating, especially crisps makes your blood run cold. It affects us if we are not hungry and the other person is eating but you are not. It's really weird. I like to lick my crisps and that drives him mental. I would try and avoid doing certain things around him if you can, but ultimately tell him, i'm doing this now so i suggest you leave the room, lol.