Ex husband not letting me see son

[twinmamaa]

Ex (divorcing currently) rarely sees our young DS. This is his first visit in 10 months. DS has had a continuous cough for a few months, but nothing too serious. We're currently awaiting an appointment for an asthma test. DS was fine during the winter break and attended school as normal all of last week and everything seemed to be under control. Ex picked him up on Sunday and when he was at school the following day, we received a call from the school asking to pick him which the ex did.

He kept him off school yesterday and half of today. But, I insisted he takes him in as his breathing and coughs have never been bad to the point where he's had to miss school. When he dropped him off at 1pm, the school called again asking for us to collect him and keep him off because his coughs are concerning. This has never happened before.

I asked the ex if I could see DS as I'd know if he need to go to A&E or for me to arrange an emergency GP appointment. He is refusing access, saying his family are looking after him (they also see DS once a year) and he'll drop him off to me on Friday afternoon. I've asked if I could call to speak to DS, he said he'd let me know a good time. It's been an hour.

I've also found out when DS was off school sick, ex took him into town shopping and sightseeing with family.

AIBU to feel very worried and anxious. I was sick just before as all I want is to see my boy. How can I approach this situation? Do I just wait until Friday?

Do you have a court agreement on parental access?

No court agreement in place. I plan to get one though after divorce is final.

Was he suppose to drop him off sooner than Friday?

As he has PR and there's no agreement in place, I think your best bet is going to be play nice until Friday so ex definitely drops him back, then stop access until you get a court order in place.

You must be sick with worry op, have you got some support irl?

How long was he supposed to have him? Is he a flight risk? Does he have PR?

Thursday initially.

And why did you insist ex took your son into school when he was sick? It’s not surprising he’s said no to you visiting now. He is being very unreasonable, but he will be telling himself that you started it by insisting your son wasnt ill enough to be at school, when he was right.

I agree with PP I think you need to play nicely until they return him.

Sunday to Thursday.
Flight risk, no. Passport is with me if this is what you meant.
He is on the birth certificate but no real responsibility as he visits whenever he wants which is usually no more than twice a year.

Parental responsibility means he’s down on the birth certificate as the father. Oh OP, I’d be so bloody stressed. Kids always want their mummy when they’re ill.

I may have made the wrong decision this morning but from experience, DS's coughs have been manageable with no medication. His breathing has also been okay with no inhaler.
Another reason for not taking him into school was because he had an appointment for something "urgent" at 12:30 which meant he wouldn't be back in time for pick up at 3:30.

I am very worried. This is also the longest time we've been apart.
Ex is not replying to messages which isn't helping😓

He had already been sent home from school on Monday though so you new he was more sick than normal. Unfortunate he has PR so your best bet is to be friendly until you get your son back, and then go for a court order. Deff don’t let him take him for a week when he’s not seen him in 10 months. He needs to earn your trust and build up contact for your sons sake. But it’s not just him looking after him, his family are helping too so whilst it’s very stressful and awful, your son will be ok. I hope you get him back soon OP.

He’s game playing and being controlling. He’s already said he will let you no a good time, so stop messaging for a while and play along. You absolutely shouldn’t have to, but if you badger he’s less likely to reply. He sounds like a nightmare.

I would at least be asking for a quick FaceTime or call with Son when he is with someone who hasn’t seen him for nearly a year

personally I would be doing a stakeout so I could at least view DS in secret when ex takes him out off the house

@twinmamaa does your ex live abroad? i would be wary that he has not got a passport from his home country and is planning something possibly on thursday which will give him a head start if he is leaving with your son!

That’s quite a random theory. Hopefully it’s not that.

I think you need to de escalate this evening. You made the wrong call this morning. Try and take a step back as hard as it may be. He’s likely to be getting a buzz out of your anxiety. If you can trust him to look after DS overnight, then do that and make contact again later this evening with a ‘Hope all is ok-give him a hug from me’ and then leave things until the morning. Nobody is going to be able to force him to bring DS home this evening. Just try and get through tonight.

Thanks everyone. DS ended up in A&E for an unusual rash all over his body on top of the coughs. Again, this is something that's never happened before.

Are you at hospital with him OP?

No. As I was setting off, he called to say they were seen by a nurse practitioner, given antihistamine and told to go home. They're staying an hour's drive from me.

Sorry OP, that's really rough. I'd want to speak to him at least after a hospital visit. How old is ds?

Sorry, and not to pile on when you're already concerned, but why has he got your son for a week, when he's had very sporadic time with him up until now? Have you had any contact or coverstation with your son over this period?

Tomorrow you need to go and get your son.

How old is DS?