AIBU for feeling “ready” to go back to work after maternity leave?

[Younghearts]

I don’t know why I feel guilty but I feel like I need to ask if you think I’m being unreasonable or if you also felt the same.

I’ve been dreading returning to work after a year off for maternity leave. I am going to miss my son a lot. But suddenly my return date is right around the corner and I’m kind of ready and wanting to go back and get back into a new “normal”.

I tried to tell a friend how I was feeling as her son is the same months as mine and she thought I was crazy.

I feel crazy and guilty. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sure I will feel emotional when I do return and drop him off at grandparents. But I’m kind of counting down the days now until I return and I don’t know why.

what did she actually say?

Wow a year off. I'd be excited to go do something too! I get 18 weeks (not in the UK)!
Some people love staying home, some want do to something else too. There's so much guilt being placed on women, it's disgraceful.

Why do you feel crazy?

I went back early. I loathed maternity leave, and I only started thinking motherhood was a manageable, even enjoyable project once I was back at work. I can think of quite a few friends who danced back to work!

@spearthatbroc ”Wow, you’re crazy I cried the week before I returned and would do anything to be off with him again”

Calling you crazy is not very nice if your friend.

I used to fee the guilt of not being the “right” kind of mum. It’s hard but I found it got easier.

I was exactly the same OP there is nothing wrong with it.

I felt the same as you. I loved having the time off with my daughter.
But like you I was ready to get back into a routine and was ready to move into that next phase of our lives.

oh very harmless Op

If she is a friend then don’t doubt her, she wasn’t judging or criticising

a bit like “You are crazy for wanting to run a marathon!”. “You are crazy to work late on your birthday” that kind of thing

I was so excited to return to work after 10.5 months. Really enjoyed it.

Why would you wish that you were much more upset and felt much less ready? It's going to happen so it's much nicer for you if you're looking forward to it rather than dreading it. Nothing to feel crazy or guilty about. Who knows after a few weeks back at work you might wish you were back on maternity again!

OP you also have dreaded the return according to the thread you started about dreading it and at that point if someone had said they were looking forward to going back to work, you probably would have said they were crazy!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4942833-returning-to-work-after-maternity-leave-dreading-it

i went back to work when all of mine were 8 months, I need more stimulation than being at home could give me, it has not affected how I parented, how my kids have turned out and overall I’ve been happier and more fulfilled. My SIL thought I was silly and should have stopped working altogether and go on benefits 🙄

I'm dreading going back, mainly because I hate my job!

Your friend can fuck off. I was crawling the walls by the end of the year.

I have a six month old. Going back to work fills me with dread and anxiety. Not due to leaving my little boy, because my job was stressful before maternity leave and appears to have got worse (nurse).

I'm actively looking for a new job before my return so that I can have a fresh start. I can't wait to get my teeth into something new.

I love my little boy but being stuck at home drives me nuts. Me retuning to work will be good for both of us.

Nope, I actually went back to work a month and half earlier than planned after my first as I was so ready! You don't have to feel guilty, and you're not duty-bound to be in floods of tears when you drop your little one at nursery - mine (at 8 months) waved me off happy as larry and I felt I was totally doing the right thing for both of us. Luckily no one ever tried to guilt me, and they would have got short shrift if they had.

People are allowed to have their own reaction, your friend was being insensitive and an idiot.

I liked having time at work and on my commute to not be 'mummy', it means a lot.

There is nothing wrong with being ready to go back. it is a great feeling to be your own person again and not someone’s mum for eight hours! Much better to feel this way than be an anxious wreck crying - no one wants to feel like that!

Aah, the mum guilt is so insidious - you're even feeling guilty about not feeling guilty.

I knew very early that I would need and want to return to work. I went back at 7 months without a backwards glance. Yes, I worried sometimes that he wasn't being looked after the way I would... but intellectually, I knew that was bollocks and he'd be fine. And he was.

I was, however, surprised to find that I would sometimes spend a few minutes just aimlessly scrolling through photos of DS on my phone. Not in a "aargh, I miss him" kind of way, but definitely in a "oh my god, I love him so much I need to just look at his face for a few minutes even though I'm at work" kind of way. It was embarrassing. I did it in secret!

I was ready at four and five months each time. Twenty years on, never a single regret. All bonded just fine.

@spearthatbroc Yes that is very true

I can’t even remember doing this thread but I remember once I clicked on it!

Its sorta creepy though that you were able to see my past threads, how did you do that 🤣