to want this mother to discipline her dc!

[justabouthadit]

I'm probaby going to get flamed...hence the name change. sheepish
But I've just about had enough.
Every morning this dc, 3, runs into the play ground, straight up to my dc..and whacks them! He either punches or kicks. Every day
Every day my dc's stand there and take it
Every day his mother says...Oh xxxxxxx in a really pathetic voice to which he doesn't take the blindest bit of notice, carries on running around fighting everyone in sight.
We can't hide the playground is tiny, but I've had enough and I've had enough of her embarrassed smiles, I want her to do something about it.
Go on then....I'm being really U aren't I!

Speak to the mother, something like,

"I know children will be children, but my lo would like your lo to stop hitting, tbh I am worried that someone may inadvertently get hurt - do you mind having a word with him about it?"

I would speak to the child, if he is three. speak to him firmly but obviously don't get cross or shout.
it is your responsibility to your children to protect them from being hit and to teach them strategies for dealing with it - it really is not acceptable just to allow a child to hit another without stepping in.

My DS has mild special needs but that wouldn't stop me telling him off for hitting other children (although I admit he is more likely to ignore you than hit you).

OK it might take longer to sink in that hitting is wrong but SN doesn't necessarily mean that all discipline should be abandoned. She should at least be making an effort.

Personally I would have no qualms about saying 'No. We don't hit' to the other child. Somebody has to defend your children and if she isn't going to control her child then you have to protect yours. Letting it go is also sending the message to your children that it is OK to hit and kick and you will get away with it.

I had a similar situation with DS2 - a little boy who I think has SN (his big brother was AS) kept attacking DS2 and DS naturally got fed up with it so I used to get between them and keep him away. His mother was even worse because she was off somewhere else chatting and wasn't even range to discipline him, much less be embarrassed by his behaviour. In the end this child started to bear hug DS2 everytime he saw him which DS hated even more!

thanks everyone, I'm going to be brave and talk to the mother. I don't think there's any point trying to talk to the dc, he's like a whirling dervish and to actually make my point I'd have to restrain him.

If you say firmly "No, I don't want you to hit , please stop that now" that is not really telling off, its making a firm request and saying what you want. You're only protecting your DCs.

I know a mum who has a child with asperger's (though he is older, about 10) and she most definitely teaches him things like this and is very firm and makes him apologise if he upsets someone, and this does affect his behaviour for the good. I don't agree with the blanket statement that any SN = discipline won't work. Of course I understand that in some cases it won't be effective and the same types of discipline can't be applied everywhere, but surely there are many forms of SN where children are still capable of learning and understanding what you do and don't do, to some extent?

Plus I agree that whatever SN he may have, the mother should make more of an effort to protect other people's children.

I also know a mother of an NT child who does that pathetic whiny-voiced "Oh DD, that's not nice" - no intervening, no consequences whatsoever - it's infuriating.

Sorry x-posted jahi

YANBU

even if he has SN (and I have 2 sn kids one of whom is noted as violent in school) she must still prevent this happening- if they don't respond to normal discipline (I wish mine would) you hold their hands, or put them on reins- you don't let them attack and hit whatever.

She does sound exhausted though (the pathetic voice sounds familiar )

'surely there are many forms of SN where children are still capable of learning and understanding what you do and don't do, to some extent?'

yes there are

and even if they can't manage it atm, just trying is worth it- for the sake of the feelings of other parents.

If ds1 hurts someone, I explain his diagnosis, but I also make sure he makes a sorry card to take in for the child, or makes amends some other way. he has no empathy at all, but making the other child feel better counts for a lot in my book.

I think she is exhausted. it's such a pathetic half hearted attempt. She also seems quite nice, so I don't really want to go in all guns blazing and upset her. so I've been secretly seething

Perhaps waht she needs isa coffee and a friend? Is she quite isolated?

we all are here to an extent. I'm struggling with work at the minute and just don't have enough time unfortunately.
I need to worry about me and mine a bit more.