Page 3 | AIBU to expect my Y7 to study at home?

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 2024-01-17T12:01:47+00:00

I'm just wondering how much homework or self directed study your Y7 does after school? My DD had Long Covid during Y5 and 6. Although the only subject she got behind on was Maths, she also wasn't really fulfilling her potential either. She's not highly academic but is bright and very creative. When I say homework/study I don't just mean academic subjects but creative ones too - they are both important, imo. I want DD to do well at school and fulfill her potential. But equally I don't want to push her too hard and I want her to have a balance of school work and leisure time after school. Her school suggests they should be spending up to an hour per night on homework. But she only gets 2 or 3 pieces of homework per week. I'd like her to spend some time going over her Maths or practicing the languages she is studying. AIBU to expect her to do extra study beyond homework?

Dishwashersaurous · 20/01/2024 10:31

At year 7 she should do the homework, do it properly and do it to the best of her ability. No need for anything more.

The hour is a guideline to say they should do something and not do too much.

Original poster

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 10:36

Jeannie88 · 18/01/2024 19:31

As a former secondary teacher, the amount of homework we had to set was incredible! Every subject setting 2 lots of hw a week and to mark was just impossible! Now with online self marking etc it's still time a lot of pressure. I used to have to give detentions etc but came to realise how difficult this is for students, especially those with no support or anywhere to do it! When I became a Mum i realised the school day is pretty tiring for the kids too, rushed breaks etc, and a lot of schools start early so first lesson at 8.25am in winter is an effort!
Extra learning at home is always beneficial but not to the point it becomes stressful. Xx

Thank you for that perspective. I actually think homework can be detrimental in that those with lots of support will be learning more and those with no support will just fall further behind. But I suppose on an individual basis I want to do whatever I can to support my DD to do well.

Luckily her school still has a one hour lunch break and they don't have to be in school til 8.50 for form time. Lessons start at 9.10. She usually gets into school a bit earlier so she can go to the Learning support centre to draw and go over her day with a LSA.

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Dishwashersaurous · 20/01/2024 10:40

To echo others you do seem very very invested in her daily life, which is understandable as a protective parent.

But as she gets older you are going to need to give her more space.

And can start doing that now.

Eg you say you say.its homework time. Whereas you should start having the conversation which goes, what homework have you got? When are you going to do it? And giving her the responsibility to actually do it

Original poster

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 10:41

Julimia · 18/01/2024 20:09

Politely I say get off her back. Stop expecting and start encouraging. Get her to be interested in something else providing different friends etc. Scouts is a fantastic opportunity for example.

She used to go to Brownies but didn't want to progress to Guides, sadly as I agree it is an excellent opportunity.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 10:44

Dacadactyl · 18/01/2024 20:36

It's a hard one. I agree you don't want to push too much in year 7. But do you trust the school? Do you think the school knows what it's doing? What are their results like?

My DD was always asked to study if a test was coming up (and she did so). I limited screen time and expected her to read for pleasure of an evening. But I didn't have a hard and fast rule about studying.

Their results are very good. They beat some of the Grammar schools in some areas. I do trust the school and think they know what they are doing. It is the school that suggests an hour of homework/study per night.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 10:49

zeibesaffron · 18/01/2024 20:37

In year 7 what they do at school plus homework is enough - there is as much benefit in downtime as there is in learning. It sound like she is doing a lot of clubs/socialising too.

We watched films with them (like someone else said) that were classics! and encouraged them to carry on reading - I never cared whether it was a comic, book whatever and that was it. Let her transition into year 7, find friendships and settle. You push too hard now and they will be totally bored by year 11 when they need to study.

None of her activities involves socialising actually - 1:1 lesson in violin and horse riding. Swimming and badminton just with me and her brother. She will see a friend at the weekend maybe fortnightly.

I will definitely look for some classics to watch. Any recommendations? She loves reading - at the moment it is Dork Diaries! She can read whatever in her free time as she has more 'worthy' literature at school and when I read to her. She reads a bit of a mixture herself.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 10:52

2024andsobegins · 18/01/2024 21:35

I’ve always stepped back completely in year 7. It’s more than enough for them to get settled into school.

i see how they are getting on at the end of year 7 and get tutors for maths / English or both for a year.

year 9 I find that all of mine have become quite self sufficient by that point and start to really get their heads down and choose to do a bit extra. I try not to tutor in year 9 although one of mine did have some maths help for a bit

year 10 and 11 is when I really like them to have their heads down. It’s at this point they need to really doing the extra reading and study. I also had tutors for 2 of my 3 at this point. One had maths and science, one had English and science. One didn’t want and managed to teach themselves,

i find keeping year 7 & 9 fairly pressure free means they’re not disillusioned and are not burnt out by the time GCSE start.

Thank you for the advice.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 10:59

H12345 · 19/01/2024 06:30

Our school were setting homework for each subject but got so many complaints from parents saying their children couldn’t cope they cut it all the way down to English, Maths and Science with optional extra.
My children are expected to do the extra if they want extra video game time, they always do so work that little bit harder (probably 1 hour a day) and will hopefully absolutely smash their GCSEs with the natural routine of study already implemented into their schedule.

I've heard of schools going way over the top and homework becoming a real pressure for DC and parents! I'm glad that her school sets a very reasonable amount of homework as we can be flexible as to the day it is done. If we go somewhere straight after school like to buy something or an appointment then after she's had a bit of down time, it's dinner and she is too tired after dinner for homework. I like her to do homework before dinner so she's not tired and then she can chat to her friends/Roblox with them after dinner. She wouldn't have time for homework and then chat/play with friends as she needs a decent length wind down for bed and needs more sleep than her friends so in bed earlier than them.

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dorisdaydidnitdodirtydeeds · 20/01/2024 11:15

NRFT
2 things occur to me. Firstly, she is actually doing quite a lot of extra activities already. What’s wrong with leaving her be? One of the best lesson you can teach your child is relaxing and chilling out- perhaps do yoga with her, or mindfulness. Or ….even just send her off to play.

Secondly, get her to read for pleasure. This is a very valuable habit.

Julimia · 20/01/2024 11:24

Surely the plan should be to make them WANT to study not to MAKE them study , and to control their own actions, screen time etc

Original poster

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 11:26

Mrsg26 · 19/01/2024 07:01

At 11 she is doing enough!!! Violin, swimming badminton horse riding , school and keeping on top of homework. Also reads?? When is she allowed to be a kid. Stop being so regimented. My daughter is 16 with straight As so it’s not like I’m not an advocate of children applying themselves and studying hard but you need to let them live a little as well!!!

When is she allowed to be a kid? Most afternoons after school we go to the playground or beach. When she gets in she has a drink or snack and does what she likes for a bit. Then after homework (if any) and 10 min violin practice, she does what she likes til dinner. After dinner she does what she likes until wind down time for bed.

On a Saturday she often has the day to do as she pleases, sometimes she has a friend over, sometimes we go out somewhere fun. On a Sunday afternoon she can do as she pleases.

So she has plenty of down time. However, she is still being a child when she is reading a kid's book, when she's messing around and making up games at the pool, enjoying a game of badminton. She chooses to do violin and SEN horse riding as she enjoys them. Violin is a 15min lesson at school once a week and then 10 min practice a night. Horse riding is one hour a month. Swimming a couple of hours on a Friday after school and Sunday morning we play badminton and have Brunch together. We all enjoy ourselves, spend time together and are active.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 11:27

Anisette · 19/01/2024 08:18

I know that sounds like a lot of activities but violin is at school

Does she practise every day at home? If not, she should.

Yes, she does but only for 10 minutes.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 11:34

Grimchmas · 19/01/2024 08:32

How does she decompress from a day of masking and over-stimulation all day at school? I'd far rather see her develop healthy techniques for this and spend some time after school doing that, then extra learning activities.

We go to the playground or beach after school, then have a drink and snack at home while she does what she likes - often chatting through her day with me. She'll then do any homework - half an hour maximum. She then does as she likes until dinner. After dinner she has a chunk of time where she usually chats with or plays Roblox with her friends or she'll read/do art projects. Then it is her wind down time for bed including a bath/shower, her skin care routine, a story and then into bed with an audio book or wind down music on. At the weekend she has lots of free time to do as she pleases.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 11:36

PringlesNSourdough · 19/01/2024 08:39

Year 7 is in some ways a lot like reception, they are the babies of the school and the most important thing in that first year is to settle in. It’s quite hard really. In year 6 they’re happily playing without a care in the world, then by the end of the first term they usually stop their playground games and tend to either get rid of their toys or play very quietly in secret! It’s a lot really. Adjustment, settling in, having a good attitude about school is the most important thing in year 7.
I’d worry more about getting into the habit of studying the year before GCSE’s start, so year 8 or 9 depending on if they start in year 9 or 10 at her school. I’d introduce it as a ‘study hour’, she can use khan academy, whatever resources school offers etc. But I wouldn’t worry about it yet.

Thank you for the advice.

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Original poster

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 11:43

Tiredmum55586 · 19/01/2024 17:33

I teach at secondary school. If she is completing her homework I wouldn’t be giving her anymore. When the school said they’re expectations of an hour homework per day, does this include reading? Our school expects children to complete at a minimum of 20mins per day. So if she finishes her homework get her to read a book. Literacy is one of the most important skills to continue to improve on as it affects all aspects of schooling, and has a massive impact in the long run of attainment. You would be surprised just how low reading ages children have in school, nowadays it’s not unusual for children to enter secondary school with reading ages of only 5-6 years old.

They don't specifically say about reading but often her English homework is to read. The school say if no formal homework is set they should be revising their class work. But yes, I think reading is really important and it is one of DD's strengths.

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RubySlippersTakeMeHomeAgain · 20/01/2024 11:49

Was chatting with a friend (I've known since school) about this recently - how much homework we had to do. We actually added it up and our school day (minus breaks) and homework added up to more than a full time job!

If your DDs day starts at 8.50, when does it end? 3 at the earliest? With an hour's lunch. Maybe another brief break? So at least 5 hours school plus an hour's homework. 30 hours a week. And then there's weekend homework and violin lessons...

An hour's homework sounds like less than we had, but still. I am autistic too (was undiagnosed then) and ended up completely burning out (only of course the doctors had no idea why so it was never really addressed!) and living in an exhausted state for years. Please don't do that to your DD. Let her have down time, autistic people often need a lot of this.

Original poster

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 11:51

Dishwashersaurous · 20/01/2024 10:40

To echo others you do seem very very invested in her daily life, which is understandable as a protective parent.

But as she gets older you are going to need to give her more space.

And can start doing that now.

Eg you say you say.its homework time. Whereas you should start having the conversation which goes, what homework have you got? When are you going to do it? And giving her the responsibility to actually do it

I understand, I think it is because with all of us having ASD, routine is key. Without it everything falls apart. Also she is too tired after dinner. She does need a bit more support as on a developmental level she is more like a Y5. But if I say to her (on Tuesday for example) you have Maths due on Friday, how about you do it today as it's not good to leave it to the last minute and she says 'no, I'll do it tomorrow' then I leave that up to her. Gradually, I'm sure her skills around organising homework will get better and I can leave her to it more but she's just learning at the moment.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 11:52

For context I have nothing to do with my 16yo's homework.

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exttf · 20/01/2024 11:55

She plays the violin, does horse riding, swimming and badminton. She also does lots of drawing and painting, reads and makes random things out of cardboard boxes! She hasn't joined any school clubs as she is too shy but hopefully one day. I don't really want to pay a tutor when I can do it myself with the Maths, tbh

I think she is doing plenty. It's not like she's rolling around watching TV all the time. As long as she is doing the homework set by the school and doing well in tests it's fine.
How far behind is she in Maths? I think she should do a bit of Maths each day because Maths builds on previous learning and getting a bit behind in Year 7 can lead to a child being a lot behind by year 9 - struggling with concepts because the basics aren't secure. (I'm a Maths tutor and I see this a lot).
She needs to practise the violin a bit more than 10 minutes a day.
But other than that, you can keep an eye on topics she is learning and see if there are interesting documentaries/museums/theatre relating to the topics.

Original poster

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 11:59

dorisdaydidnitdodirtydeeds · 20/01/2024 11:15

NRFT
2 things occur to me. Firstly, she is actually doing quite a lot of extra activities already. What’s wrong with leaving her be? One of the best lesson you can teach your child is relaxing and chilling out- perhaps do yoga with her, or mindfulness. Or ….even just send her off to play.

Secondly, get her to read for pleasure. This is a very valuable habit.

She does the activities she enjoys. Nothing wrong with leaving her be. I do so every afternoon after school for a period of time (except monthly on a Wed Sen horse riding and Friday we have a swim), every evening after dinner, most Saturdays and every Sunday afternoon. She loves to read, I agree it's a good habit.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 12:03

Julimia · 20/01/2024 11:24

Surely the plan should be to make them WANT to study not to MAKE them study , and to control their own actions, screen time etc

Yes, that's a good point. I was wanting to create a good habit, I suppose but maybe I'm trying too early. She enjoys quite a few subjects and enthusiastically does the homework for those. She is fine with controlling screen time. I don't put limits on it so it doesn't have the 'lure' it does for some DC who have strict limits.

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Dishwashersaurous · 20/01/2024 12:04

I think that the fact that you both have asd means that routine and consistency are probably more important for you both.

So actually maybe the question is how to put in place the best possible routine for her.

If that means doing 30 minutes every night of study, even if that isn't actually set by school and is made up by you, is best for her than do it.

For many children simply doing the homework is sufficient .

If you think about how to provide best structure for your particular child, then that's a completely different question to should year 7 in general do more homework.

The vast vast majority of y7 are getting themselves too and from school and then looking after themselves until parents get home from work hours later.

The level of daily involvement is unusual but may be necessary because of the asd.

Original poster

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 12:12

RubySlippersTakeMeHomeAgain · 20/01/2024 11:49

Was chatting with a friend (I've known since school) about this recently - how much homework we had to do. We actually added it up and our school day (minus breaks) and homework added up to more than a full time job!

If your DDs day starts at 8.50, when does it end? 3 at the earliest? With an hour's lunch. Maybe another brief break? So at least 5 hours school plus an hour's homework. 30 hours a week. And then there's weekend homework and violin lessons...

An hour's homework sounds like less than we had, but still. I am autistic too (was undiagnosed then) and ended up completely burning out (only of course the doctors had no idea why so it was never really addressed!) and living in an exhausted state for years. Please don't do that to your DD. Let her have down time, autistic people often need a lot of this.

School finishes at 3.30pm. They have a 20min morning break.

She never has an hour of homework, so far she has had 2 or 3 pieces per week that take around 20min-30 min to complete. She has no weekend homework (unless she leaves homework til then but I encourage her to do it in the week so she has a complete break at the weekend). Her violin lesson is 15min during the school day. She practices 10 min per day at home M-F.

I was talking to my mum and she was telling me even at Primary school they had 2 pieces of homework a night during the week and 3 on the weekend!

She has lots of down time - we're all autistic (myself, DD and DS) so we all do. I definitely don't want her to burnout!

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 12:21

exttf · 20/01/2024 11:55

She plays the violin, does horse riding, swimming and badminton. She also does lots of drawing and painting, reads and makes random things out of cardboard boxes! She hasn't joined any school clubs as she is too shy but hopefully one day. I don't really want to pay a tutor when I can do it myself with the Maths, tbh

I think she is doing plenty. It's not like she's rolling around watching TV all the time. As long as she is doing the homework set by the school and doing well in tests it's fine.
How far behind is she in Maths? I think she should do a bit of Maths each day because Maths builds on previous learning and getting a bit behind in Year 7 can lead to a child being a lot behind by year 9 - struggling with concepts because the basics aren't secure. (I'm a Maths tutor and I see this a lot).
She needs to practise the violin a bit more than 10 minutes a day.
But other than that, you can keep an eye on topics she is learning and see if there are interesting documentaries/museums/theatre relating to the topics.

She is in the bottom set in Maths. She was just under the expected score in her SATs. So I don't think she's massively behind but enough to prevent her reaching her potential. And yes, like you say could mean her gradually getting more and more behind.

Her violin teacher has asked her to practice for 10 min a day (she is a beginner).

Yes, a good idea re: documentaries etc.

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StrawberryShortbread2001 · 20/01/2024 13:38

Dishwashersaurous · 20/01/2024 12:04

I think that the fact that you both have asd means that routine and consistency are probably more important for you both.

So actually maybe the question is how to put in place the best possible routine for her.

If that means doing 30 minutes every night of study, even if that isn't actually set by school and is made up by you, is best for her than do it.

For many children simply doing the homework is sufficient .

If you think about how to provide best structure for your particular child, then that's a completely different question to should year 7 in general do more homework.

The vast vast majority of y7 are getting themselves too and from school and then looking after themselves until parents get home from work hours later.

The level of daily involvement is unusual but may be necessary because of the asd.

Thank you, that's a good perspective. I have to take her to school and pick her up, but hopefully she will gradually become more independent with this.

I think perhaps it makes more sense to aim for half an hour of homework after school rather than an hour. She can get the set homework done and if she has any spare time do a bit of Maths catch up, reading or something she's interested in.

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