Another baby?

[Sms1811]

Hi,
im just feeling sad and need some advice
me and my husband have been together for 8 years and married for 1. He has a teenager from a previous relationship and we have 1 toddler together. I love our family but our children are not close probably due to the large age gap and the fact they are different genders. I don’t think it’s because they’re only half siblings as my step child has another half sibling a similar age as my child and they’re not close either. When me and my husband met we spoke about children and he said he deffo wanted more. I’ve never been in a rush to have another and actually wasn’t even sure if I wanted another as my toddler can be hard work and suffered terribly with dairy allergy and reflux. However since our children haven’t grown close and as my children are getting older I’d really like another child. Obviously for myself but also for my child. Both my kids are essentially only children and I feel so sad for them. We try our hardest to spend time all together but there’s very little I can do with a teenager and a toddler together that they’d both enjoy. Anyway, I spoke to my husband about another baby and he said he doesn’t want one and he’d only have one to make me happy which isn’t the right reason. I agree it’s not. But now he’s said no it’s all I can think about. I’m so sad. I know if I had one he’d resent me and if we didn’t I’d resent him. What do I do now? He may change his mind in the future but we’d be back to an age gap and I really didn’t want that?

are we going to end up resenting each other??

There's nothing wrong with being an only child, when your toddler is older they may form more of a bond with their siblings

She only has 1 half sibling and he’s 11 years older than her so I’m not sure she will, she loves him but he’s not at all interested in her. It’s not just about a sibling I’m wknrried than if we don’t agree then it’ll put pressure on my marriage

From the outside reading this the root of this isn’t having another baby, it’s the relationships within your existing family and what you feel they “should be”.

I think it’s natural to struggle with big age gaps but equally I watch friends with siblings close in age “divide and conquer” weekends because their kids cannot get on/ have different clubs, friends etc. I also understand why being told “no” is going to trigger you to be consumed by the idea / I think it’s the classic case of wanting something because you know you can’t have it. Like when TTC suddenly it feels like the whole world is pregnant.

Having a baby doesn’t mean for sure that they’ll get along, have a close relationship into adulthood or fix how you and your husband come to an agreement. Although it could be all those things, it’s not something you can control. It’s a roll of the dice; if you want a baby have one for the baby in and of itself and not for what you think that baby will be to others because you can’t control that.

Can you find other ways to fix those things you feel are missing? Ways to improve how you all spend time together before deciding on something so final?